I Need To Slow Down (part one)

Sometimes life can rush at you at 100mph. Sometimes you can feel a bit out of control with things seemingly spinning all over the place. Sometimes…especially around the holidays…everything can seem to move so fast you feel like you’ll never be able to catch up.

Well, I’ve decided that over the next month I need to slow down. I need to slow down in a good number of things, actually. But I think I need to break things down so I can really look at what I need to work on in order for my life to continue on this amazing. So today, I’ll take a look at concentrating on the following…


Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that over the course of my lifetime I’ve never been one to thoroughly enjoy foreplay. I mean…I’m a dude. Most dudes don’t enjoy foreplay most of the time. And please know I’m stressing “most” because there are absolutely a ton of exceptions to the rule. When I’m with Sunshine, I feel like I *want* to take my time. I love exploring her…ALL of her. But I’ll freely admit that there are times where I should be taking my time but put my immediate needs in front of hers.

So I’m going to concentrate on taking my time.

It’s scientifically proven that most women prefer slower sex from beginning to end…from the initial teasing kiss to the passionate climax. I know that I can’t just grab and pinch and smack every single time we’re together (although that certainly is fun from time to time). No, I need to slow down my fingers and tongue action…I really need to *take in* Sunshine. I mean, seeing each other every two weeks normally ends up in us ripping each other’s clothes off on multiple occassions in a 48 hour span, so this would be a nice change of pace.

And from the research I’ve done (what…doesn’t everybody look this stuff up??), a slower penetration and withdrawal often leads to more stimulation for both a woman’s G-spot and her clitoris. And just by experience, if I slow down and control my breathing at just the right time, I can delay my orgasm and thus make the whole experience last longer for the both of us.


That’ll be tough, though. I’m sure I’m not the only man alive who has a difficult time stopping himself at “almost finishing” without turning it into “done” in a matter of seconds. Guys don’t normally think straight right at the point of orgasm. At that exact moment, the “little head” takes over. So it’s all fine and dandy to say I’d like to stop myself from having an orgasm, but something like that is easier said than done.

And y’know what? I’m going to make a concentrated effort to cuddle afterwards. Yes, Sunshine…you heard that correctly. CUDDLE. And y’know what else? I’m going to try to cuddle WITHOUT FALLING ASLEEP.

Easier said than done. 

And just why is that, anyway?  Glad you asked!  I found some scientific explanations

  1. First, the obvious reasons for sex’s somnolent sway: the act frequently takes place at night, in a bed, and is, after all, physically exhausting (often more so for the man than the woman, although this certainly varies). So when sex is over, it’s natural for a guy to feel sleepy.
  2. Secondly, research using positron emission tomography (PET) scans has shown that in order for a person to reach orgasm, a primary requirement is to let go of “all fear and anxiety.” Doing so also tends to be relaxing and might explain the tendency to snooze.
  3. Then there is the biochemistry of the orgasm itself. Research shows that during ejaculation, men release a cocktail of brain chemicals, including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin. The release of prolactin is linked to the feeling of sexual satisfaction, and it also mediates the “recovery time” that men are well aware of—the time a guy must wait before “giving it another go.” Studies have also shown that men deficient in prolactin have faster recovery times.
  4. Prolactin levels are naturally higher during sleep, and animals injected with the chemical become tired immediately. This suggests a strong link between prolactin and sleep, so it’s likely that the hormone’s release during orgasm causes men to feel sleepy.   (Side note: prolactin also explains why men are sleepier after intercourse than after masturbation. For unknown reasons, intercourse orgasms release four times more prolactin than masturbatory orgasms, according to a recent study.)

Wow…that’s a lot to take in (#thatswhatshesaid), but I’m just trying to show that men aren’t just lazy. There are, in fact, scientific reasons for the whole “falling asleep while cuddling” situation.

Of course, this whole “slowing down in the romance department” could be because we’re celebrating our one-year anniversary next week.  Hmmmm….

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that I know that sex is one of the greatest things going on in my life right now…even if it is a bit infrequent. And because I’m in love as much as I am, I want this to be about more than just sex. This needs to be ROMANCE. 

This needs to last.