New Beginnings?

Some of you may be wondering why I haven’t been around over the past week. As I usually do with this blog, I’m going to have to be completely honest with you, my readers.

While I wouldn’t consider last week to be called me falling into a “depression”, I did fall into a bit of a funk. The issue is simply job related. Or in my case, no job related.

I had an interview and even a second interview with a couple of companies back in August and September. Neither of those interviews turn into anything at all. Earlier last month, I had an interview and a second interview with a potentially great employer. The second interview went really well and I was having some high hopes. The problem, though, is that whenever I have high hopes for these things they do not normally come to fruition.

And yes, I do realize that’s “Depression CBG” speaking and not “New & Improved CBG“speaking. But I would like to think that even if I were not taking antidepressants and ADHD medication, the situation would still have me in a little bit of a funk.

Last week I decided to contact the employer and find out why I was never advised on their decision after the second interview. I mean, it had been two weeks and they said that they were to let me know, one way or the other, if I were to be required for a third and final interview.  Where I was not getting any other requests for interviews, I was getting concerned. I sent off an email to the employer asking for feedback from my second interview as I was wondering if, perhaps, I had done something wrong.

Thus, the week of funk began.

I was immediately contacted on Tuesday and asked to come in for a third and final interview. They had told me that they simply had a communications issue and that was the reason why I wasn’t contacted previously.

You would think that I would be really excited about the opportunity, right? My problem, though, was that now I was wondering if they were simply asking me to come back in for an interview because they had forgotten to contact me and wanted to save face somehow. Yes, I realize that is really silly, but that was what I was thinking.

It took a lot of work to be calm enough for my final interview on Wednesday. I was told that it wasn’t going to be an interview as much as it would be a conversation with the person that I would eventually be working underneath. By the time I got into the room with him, I felt pretty comfortable. It ended up being a fantastic interview/conversation, and I left feeling really great about myself.

I told myself that even if I didn’t get the job (I am up against one other person), that it would have been through no fault of my own. If the company ends up going in another direction, it is because that person is a better fit and not because of anything I did or did not do.

But in the time between Monday and Friday, I was not having very confident feelings about everything that was taking place. I felt bad because Christmas is around the corner and, once again, I felt as though I was failing the kids. I also felt as though I was failing my family because I wasn’t able to provide some other things I would love to provide. Monetary things, yes…but still. You always want to provide for your children a better life than your own. 

Instead of taking these feelings and turning them into reasons to exercise and workout, I became “Old CBG” and used it for a reason to sink into the couch most of the week. I believe I only went to the gym twice all week, and I didn’t even have the desire to write about it. On Thursday, Sunshine got offered a job that she thought was not going to be that great, but turned out to be a fantastic opportunity. I was over the moon with excitement and happiness and pride for her accomplishment, but also felt a bad about myself because I wasn’t certain I would be able to get a similar opportunity. 

On Friday morning, though, I received a call from the company. They asked me for references and that’s when everything seemed to change for me. I mean, I do not want to get overly confident about the possibility of being offered a great role in a great company, but I don’t think there are too many times a company will request references after multiple interviews unless they are going to go in a specific direction.

So that is where I stand this morning. I have updates to provide from my workouts last week and I am hitting the gym first thing this morning as I have some anxiety and pent-up feelings to work off.

Fingers crossed, I will have some good news for you later in the week.

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