The Wall

wallI’ve recently been on a life journey where I have been eating better and exercising regularly. I’m not dieting…I’m not killing myself at the gym…I’m just living life a LOT better than I ever did before.

At this point, the results have been telling.

I’m running better than I ever have before (not saying that I’m ready to tackle that half marathon I wanted to do in October, but I’m inching closer to that goal every week) and I’m down 18 pounds over the past couple of months. All in all, I’ve been really doing great and have been motivated to continue on this trend.

That is, until this past Sunday. I did a really short run on Sunday morning and a short walk on Monday…two of the days that I was hoping to have the time to do some longer workouts. I just didn’t feel motivated. I felt like eating junk food again, and that only made me feel more and more uneasy…to the point that I didn’t go out for exercise at all on Tuesday morning.

Even Sunshine knew that I hadn’t been myself over the previous couple of days. I wasn’t sure what was wrong so I couldn’t really talk about it too much. What I did know, though, is that I woke up this morning ready to sink into the couch again.

But once Sunshine went out for her run, I decided to give myself a kick in the ass. It finally hit me and I knew exactly what my problem was…THE WALL.

Runner's wallI do this every single time I make any kind of positive change in my life. The demons from my past creep up and try to sabotage whatever good I’m doing. I had seen an almost 20-pound weight loss and, subconsciously, felt as though that was good enough for now and I could go back to slacking all over again. 

Once I realized what I was doing, I got dressed and head out for one of the longer runs of the summer. It was only 7 kilometers, but I felt strong and good and happy with how my body was reacting. 

I can’t let my subconscious take over my life again. I can’t let those feelings of self-sabotage sneak up on me and ruin what I’ve begun to build. I have to keep exercising and continue to eat smart. I can’t sit back and relax because my body simply won’t react well to that. 

Long-time readers of this blog will know that I’ve started more diets and exercising “programs” over the past five or six years than I would like to count. I can’t let this one end up like the others…I’ve come too far to slack off now.

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