Being Tested

CautionRemember just on Monday how I was telling the world how great I was feeling?

I’d like to change my statement, officer.

Well, maybe not entirely. Y’see, the medication DOES seem to be working and I AM feeling a lot better in many areas. But right now I feel as though my resolve is being seriously tested. I feel like I’m fighting to stay afloat and I can’t imagine how I would be going through this situation WITHOUT the medication that I’m currently taking.

Keep calmIt started last week when I was really feeling the effects of the medication. I was working longer hours and getting more done. I honestly don’t know if I should have always been working this hard or if it’s just because of how busy things have been lately, but for the past two weeks putting in 10-hour days has been commonplace. I’ve been doing more work from home, answering phone calls and emails.

Then on Friday a major project hit a major catastrophe. I got a call on my work cellphone on Friday just after 5pm, as Sunshine and I were running errands for the weekend (groceries and such). We made one stop and head back home, where I spent the next couple of hours on the phone with a client and trying to fix the issue.

On Saturday I worked in the morning. We were visiting the beautiful town of Lunenburg with friends when I answered some more work calls and emails. We got home Saturday night and guess what? I had more work to do.

Sunday was the same thing. Sunshine and I went on a nice little afternoon date of frozen yoghurt and the movie Trainwreck (awesome, by the way). I turned off my phone for the movie but when I got out I had texts and voicemails and emails that all needed my attention.

Life is always a testOn Monday I found out that two more projects had hit some unexpected snags and were about to run off the rails. On Monday evening, I really thought I was about to crack…hit a low-point and regress from all of the forward momentum that I’d been having.

But Tuesday, as crazy busy as it was, was tackled head-on and addressed. The three projects weren’t fixed, but I was able to handle all three in a way that “old CBG” wouldn’t have been able to. 

I didn’t explode. I didn’t bring my anger home with me. I didn’t use ice cream or junk as a way to “comfort” myself and feel better about my shitty day. I didn’t withdraw. I didn’t take it out on my wife and stepdaughters.

I don’t know if this can 100% be attributed to the medication I’m taking for my ADHD, but I feel more in charge of myself and my feelings. It’s a very odd thing for me to experience, but I’m welcoming it with open arms.

I’m being tested by the Universe. And I feel as though I’m passing the test. Maybe not with flying colours, but I’m passing. And right now, that’s a great feeling. I’ve got more confidence in myself and my abilities, so I’m welcoming life with open arms. I’m ready to tackle each day regardless of what hits me, and I don’t know if I’ve felt that way before when so much has been on my plate.

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