It’s been a weird week since I was officially diagnosed with having Adult ADHD. I am extremely thankful for my incredible wife, as she has been doing more research and reading on the topic than I could imagine doing at this point.
Actually…I’ve been in a very strange headspace at this point. I’m supposed to go see my doctor this afternoon to get a medication recommendation, so I’m excited about that (and so is my wife). On the flip side, though…it’s hard to imagine how I’m going to be different on this medication.
From what I’ve read, there are several side effects to taking a stimulant (which is probably what will be prescribed for me):
- Agitation / Moodiness (I really hope this isn’t the case, but from what I’ve read this symptom will decrease over time);
- Changes in blood pressure (I’ve always had good blood pressure, so I’m not too worried about this);
- Insomnia (if I take my medication in the morning, this shouldn’t be an issue as I normally fall asleep in only a few minutes);
- Nausea (I had similar symptoms when starting my anti-depressants, so I’m not concerned about this one);
- Loss of appetite (honestly…I’m hoping this is the case. I snack too much, so a suppressed appetite could really do good things for me);
- Headaches (I’ve dealt with this one before, but I’ve read that as long as I take the medication with food and drink lots of water, it shouldn’t be too bad);
- Dry mouth (I’ve dealt with this one, too. Not fun, but not something that can’t be overcome);
To me, nothing on this list seems too daunting or something I’d be unable to overcome. If the end result is me being more clear and focused and able to concentrate, then I’m all for it.
I guess I’m probably more concerned with how I’m going to be from a more emotional standpoint. Like…am I going to feel different when reading? Will I notice that my concentration is back? Will I feel completely different? Will it change who I am as a person or just what I’m able to do? Will it be like waking up with the fog lifted?
So many questions…I’m hoping my doctor will be able to answer them for me. I want to get better, obviously, but I don’t want to change.
It’s just a strange mind-fuck. I now know why I couldn’t concentrate at university and flunked out (TWICE!!) before I finally graduated, but I’m also constantly thinking about how my life could have/should have changed in some situations.
- My failure to concentrate at school;
- My inability to commit to a single relationship for more than a few months at a time;
- My dad having to bail me out of financial situations because I couldn’t keep my finances in order;
- My running away from responsibilities when my first two children were born.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Regrets? Yeah…I guess I’ve had a few. But I’m not sitting here wishing my life was now different or anything. My life NOW is fantastic. I’ve got an amazing wife and some incredible kids and step-kids in my life. So I’m not wishing my life was different in that respect, it’s just a very weird thing to think back to how my life could have been different.
The mind races at the numerous Back to the Future possibilities.
So I guess I’ll give myself the weekend before I start telling the world how my meds are affecting me. I’m really hoping that they can help me focus and concentrate and make better decisions. Hell…maybe I’ll be able to read more blogs without giving up after a paragraph because there are “too many words”.
My future is wide open…and it should be very interesting.