The last couple of weeks have been, to me at least, a bit of a turn-around from the previous couple of weeks. The biggest reason for that, I believe, has been my update in medication.
It’s weird to suddenly be relying on anti-depressants to feel “normal”, but I’ve felt better over the past couple of weeks. I feel like I’m making progress and that I’m making small strides.
I look in the mirror and don’t hate what I see. I’m still overweight, but I’m down four pounds since going off the other medication and I am becoming more comfortable with the weight that I’m carrying…which is something I never normally feel like. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still unhappy with being overweight, but I don’t feel as antsy or update about the whole thing.
I don’t feel like I’m so quick-to-snap, which is a defensive reaction I normally have. I find myself being able to control things a bit better in that respect. Obviously, I won’t know for sure until a few months go by, but one of the issues I have with my depression is that I’m always quick to be defensive about even the most miniscule topic. Considering I had a big blowout fight with Sunshine just over a week ago, I know that it’s something I’m still working on…but I feel like some revelations came out of that argument; revelations about me and my expectations of myself and those around me.
There are still some side effects that I wish weren’t there, but overall I feel a lot better. I don’t feel like I’m relying on Sunshine to keep me “up” all of the time. I feel like I’m the only one making those decisions on a daily basis.
I see the doctor tomorrow for a follow-up. My hope is that we’re good to move forward with reaching a final, permanent dosage and then I can look into getting some one-on-one psycho-therapy.
But at this point, I feel as though I’m coming along. It’s one step at a time, and I feel like I’m moving forward.