My 2014 – The Highs And Lows (part one)

JANUARY

Choose happinessWhile out enjoying brunch with friends, it really hit me that money doesn’t automatically equal happiness. Y’know, normally it’s the people who HAVE money that say those words. Having been a “have not” for most of my adult life, it was always tough to appreciate the little things. It’s funny that a meal with friends was what it took to helped that light bulb go off.

I also found out that I had been blogging with WordPress for five years. While my original blog started on Blogspot back in 2008, I started I Used To Have Hair in January of 2009. It’s pretty cool knowing that I’ve been around so long in an arena where so many fellow bloggers have fallen to the wayside during the same amount of time.

FEBRUARY

I had a tough time trying to come to terms with the fact that my father chose my younger adopted brother to be his best man over me.  I was absolutely gutted when I heard the news. He KNEW that I wanted to be best man because I flat out told him the year before. I felt selfish for feeling this way (and still do), but I think everything ended up working out in the end.

Rugrat - Jan 2015My daughter was having a rough time with her step-dad and actually asked me if it was okay to move in with me. The actual question was, “I was wondering, by any chance, if I could move down there…would I be able to?” There wasn’t any real ending to the story because she ended up talking to her mom and moving on to the next “teenager issue” in her life. Still…I wonder how crazy-fun life would have become if she ended up living with us.

I can look back at a post in February and see where my depression was beginning to affect me in different areas of my life.  It’s crazy to think that I’ve been going through this for so long, but I’m thankful to know that I’m getting the help I need now.

I celebrated my 10-year smoke-free anniversary. Gotta say…that’s still one of my greatest personal accomplishments.

MARCH

Thanks to a fantastic friend, I started my Couch-to-5K journey. If there was ever a poster-child for this app, it was me. I was literally the guy who sat on the couch all day every day and didn’t do anything remotely physical. Thanks to some friendly butt-kicking, I ended up making changes that would affect me for the rest of my life.

100happydaysI actually followed a meme: 100 Happy Days. I recognized the need to find something happy in my world during a time that I didn’t see a lot of good, positive things (again…I should have seen the signs of depression a long time ago). I’m happy to say that yes, I completed my mission.

And yes, even MORE signs of depression were apparent in a post about why I wasn’t happy in my life.  I spoke of trying to convince my wife that I was happy in our marriage. Considering it was only seven months into our “wedded bliss”, you’d think that was a conversation I didn’t NEED to be having. If I only knew back then what I know now…

APRIL

vacationI was absolutely giddy at the idea of taking my family on a vacation to Florida. So much, in fact, that I spoke about it (ad nauseam) in two separate posts. I spoke about how we’d take out a line of credit in order to go on this magnificent trip. I planned out every single detail while I was at the office. I knew the flights, the accommodations, and every single minute of every single day was planned out. I wanted to give my family the trip that I always dreamed of giving them. The problem, though, was that it wasn’t realistic from a financial standpoint. I was trying to find happiness in something that couldn’t be done…thus giving myself reason to be even more depressed when reality set in.

Hell…I even blogged about how I’d change my life if I had the chance to do things over again. Little did I realize that I was just finding more and more reasons to hate myself for the choices I have made in my lifetime.

scaleI was beating myself up over my inability to lose weight even though I was doing a lot more exercise than I had ever done in my life before. Then I tackled anger management issues as they were affecting me at home and at work. How could I have been so blind to what was going on with me?

Then my dad got married again. It was a very odd time for me. I missed my mom but felt good for my dad to finally find happiness again. Still…I felt weird about the whole thing. I suppose that’s normal.

MAY

I wrote an open letter to my 100-year-old self. In the “letter” were self-depreciating comments and little pot-shots that I took at myself. Sure, it was written as a comedic piece…but why do I constantly feel the need to bombard myself with reasons for disliking myself?

30 tenthMy awesome wife, Sunshine, turned 40. I think I did a pretty decent job of giving her a great birthday. I mean, re-naming the birthday to being a “30-Tenth” was a nice start. At the end of the day, I think she was pretty happy with how things went.

My wife saw, first hand, just a little bit of what I grew up with. My dad’s treatment of me was glaring during a family trip to visit him. Sunshine had seen some of it before, but he was firing on all cylinders this particular weekend. It was tough to handle and tough for her to watch. She gained a lot more understanding of my past and why I act the way I do in certain situations.

JUNE

Step father's dayI had a great Father’s Day. All of my kids messaged me and when I got back from a weekend with the Ankle Biter, my stepdaughters gave me a celebration for “Step Father’s Day”…so I got to celebrate all over again. I felt very blessed.

One of the most incredibly heinous acts in Canadian history took place in my former home town of Moncton, New Brunswick. Some lunatic with an agenda murdered three police officers in plain daylight and put the city on lockdown for 48 hours as the man-hunt was on. It was an extremely sad time.

I ran my first 5K! It was a very small event on a very flat, smooth track. I ended up near the back of the pack but none of that matters because I did it and I finished it. It was an incredible feeling to cross the finish line and see Sunshine there waiting for me. That moment changed my life.

5K

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s