Today would have been your birthday. I would give out your age…you wouldn’t want people to know.
Honestly, I’ve been trying to not think about it all weekend because it’s difficult to deal with. Thankfully, living with Sunshine has helped me put other things in the forefront of my mind. But here it is on a Sunday night and my mind simply won’t let it go…and that’s probably a good thing.
I’m still not over your death. It’s been over a year-and-a-half and just when I think I am, something else comes up to remind me that you’re no longer here. I think about you all the time and yes, it is definitely getting a little easier to deal with.
I can happily say “I remember when mom did this” or “Mom always used to say…”. They’re good memories, all of them. And while sad knowing that you’re still no longer here, I can now smile with the good memories that will never disappear.
You would be happy to know that I’m finally getting my life together. I received a pay-out from my last job’s savings plan that has helped me climb completely out of debt (except for my house and car, obviously). This new lease on life couldn’t have come at a better time as I begin an entirely new existence with Sunshine.
Know that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. She treats me better than I ever thought I deserved to be treated. She’s literally the wind beneath my wings and everything I could have ever hoped to have in a life-partner. We’re hoping to be married next August.
Her girls are now my girls, too…and they’ve embraced me as a step-father (with Kiddo even calling me “dad” at every opportunity). Ankle Biter loves the girls and (so far, at least) has been doing great with the long-distance thing with me being gone. We talk whenever we can via video-chat and he’s always smiling and happy when we’re together. So far, so good.
Rugrat’s doing great, too. After this past summer’s visit I can honestly say that our relationship has never been better. I never thought that I’d be able to re-establish such a bond with my teenaged daughter, but we’ve done just that. There has even been discussion of her staying down here all summer next year!
And Dad? Well…he and his girlfriend aren’t engaged anymore and she moved out of the house a few months ago. But don’t worry about him…they’re still dating (strange, I know) and he seems to be happy. He’s going to Florida this week to look for the retirement home he’s always wanted (with you). And then the big news is that he told me last weekend that he’s actually doing to retire in June!! “Mr Workaholic” is retiring!! It’s hard to believe, but I think he’s had enough of everything life has thrown at him. He just wants to sit back, relax, and be with someone who will keep him company.
So that’s my life in a nutshell, mom. Just know that I love you and I’m still thinking about you all the time. I miss you and will always do whatever I can to honor your memory by getting my life in order and being the best son, father, and husband that I possibly can.
Happy birthday, mom.