Keeping mum…for now.

There is a LOT going on with me right now. It’s been one heckuva week so far. There is so much that I want to discuss with you just so that I can get it off my shoulders.

But I can’t. Not yet, anyway.

I will say the following…

  • I had an amazing “2nd Father’s Day” with Sunshine and her girls on Sunday. They actually WANTED to spend the day with me, which was great. I felt so incredibly loved that day…it was an amazing feeling.
  • I had a slight disagreement with Sunshine on Tuesday morning. She may have qualified it as an argument, but after having real blow-out verbal fights with my ex-wife…this was absolutely nothing. And really, after discussing it on Tuesday night all was better. It’s always like that, though. It’s so tough to have discussions long-distance via email while we’re each at work. Once we talk, though…things always get straightened out. We’re so good like that.
  • I surprised the girls with an unscheduled visit on Tuesday night. Actually, they were both in bed…but Kiddo heard my voice and came out of her bedroom. The look of wonder and joy in her face before she gave me a big hug was something I won’t soon forget. And then to see little Mo’s face yesterday morning when she woke up and saw me sitting on the couch was awesome. I only spent breakfast with them, but it was an incredible bonding experience and made me feel even more loved than a couple of days before.
  • My little brother graduates from high school tonight. It was my mother’s only real wish as she was dying…that he finish high school and graduate. So I’ll be driving back from seeing Sunshine again today to see his graduation tonight.

I guess that leaves a lot of details untold about these unscheduled visits to Sunshine’s city this week. Because of “confidentiality”, I can’t really discuss right now exactly what’s going on. Needless to say, it’s potentially a very good thing but I really don’t want to put the cart before the horse, if you know what I mean.

Anyway…that’s the reason for no post yesterday and (possibly) no post tomorrow. I will explain as soon as I can.

Hope all is well in your world.

The Lease

Saturday was a big day for Sunshine and I. It was truly the “next big step” in our ongoing relationship and the beginning of the end of our long-distance relationship.

On Saturday morning, we signed the lease to  our new place.

I’m still trying to find a job and have to iron out details on what to do with my house, not to mention where I’m going to live part-time when I come to visit my son every two weeks. But things are officially moving now…and as hectic and scary and nerve-wracking as everything may be, I know that in the end the past three-and-a-half years of driving back-and-forth two-and-a-half hours will all be worth it as I wake up next to her in OUR bedroom on OUR street in OUR city.

Life is about to take a very amazing turn, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Overcoming Fears

It’s weird…I’m at a point in my life that I really thought I’d be bouncing off of the walls with excitement. I’m signing a lease to a new place with Sunshine on Saturday, I’m preparing to start a new career somewhere, and I’m inching closer to being 40 years old. There is just so much going on, it should be easy to fall prey to being overly excited and putting the cart before the horse.

My problem is that I’m not even hitching the cart up at the moment.

Y’see, I’m actually pulling back a bit leading up to everything because of fear and nervousness. It’s no secret that I’ve always had self-confidence issues, and I actually thought that I was past them as I entered my 40th year. I mean, I’m engaged to the most amazing girl in the world and life seems to be coming together for me.

The reality of the situation is that I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of being told I’m simply not good enough. So when I found out that there were two voicemail messages for me yesterday from two job prospects, I actually got nervous instead of excited. I sat back and thought about (1) maybe these jobs weren’t good enough for me to take, (2) I actually have to interview for these and I’m not ready, and (3) I guess I should go for it because I can’t get anything better.

It’s silly. I should have been stoked to be contacted as it’s been a month without as much as a nibble. Instead, I got butterflies in my stomach about the realities of actually having to call these people back and move forward with the entire process.

Sunshine told me last night how much she believes in me, but if I don’t believe in myself that others will notice…which is NOT good for a job interview. She’s absolutely right (she usually is when giving me a pep talk).

The job search can be very depressing. I see a ton of jobs that I would love to have…jobs I think I could do well in if I only had a bit more experience in certain areas…and I get deflated thinking that somehow my professional life has passed me by because I don’t have required skills. But then the flipside of the search is that it appears most of the remaining jobs are just minimum wage positions or sales positions requiring cold calling “for competitive compensation”. That’s just not me and I can’t imagine anybody doing that.

What’s left are jobs that not only I want, but (seemingly) everybody else wants, too. Thus, there is always somebody more qualified out there for the jobs that are best for me.

Of course, this is just my lack of self confidence rising to the surface. My interpretation of the job search is probably not nearly the reality of the situation (heck…my ex-wife, who is an HR Generalist, has offered to hook me up with a contact or two via LinkedIn because she believes in me and my abilities), so why do I have this nagging fear of things?

So today I need to walk into the placement agency that wants me for a pretty decent-paying job (very similar to what I’m making now) that looks to be pretty challenging professionally and would pretty good on a resume. Once done there, I need to call back a potential employer about a position that may or may not be a simple call-centre position (sometimes it’s difficult to tell from the job descriptions online), but I need to set that concern aside and call them because it may be my dream job…I won’t know if I don’t call.

I need to kick my own ass and show the world that I’m ready for anything. Of course, what I want to do and what I will do are two different things. Fingers crossed, I’ll get this done.

My Father’s Day Weekend In Pictures

I had a great weekend. The only way it could have been better would have been if all of “my girls” had been with me. As it stands, I was smiling from Friday evening to Monday morning.

Here’s how it went…

The weekend kicked off on Friday night when I picked up Ankle Biter from his mom’s. Turns out, he had wanted to give me cupcakes for Father’s Day so he helped her make some. In addition, he decorated the cupcakes himself!! He got the plain ones, I got the “special” ones. I loved the fact that he put the icing on himself. VERY cool!
I think Ankle Biter was more interested in eating his own cupcakes than seeing me eat mine, but that was okay. Watching him happy makes me happy.
Saturday morning meant a trip to the local zoo for their family-event fundraiser. Somebody was quite excited.
The event started at 11am, but when we arrived at 11:15am the parking lot was PACKED! Needless to say, you can tell by this pic that we were both pretty happy to be at the zoo on a beautiful, sunny day together. Plus dads got in for only $5 because it was Father’s Day weekend. You gotta love that!
There were three bouncy castles set up throughout the zoo. This one, to me, was the best. I mean, how many dragons do you see at the zoo on a regular basis? The castle was pretty big and the kids actually ran inside of the mouth and played inside his stomach! Fun stuff.
Ankle Biter’s just trying to perfect his technique when it comes to bowling. He knocked down nine pins…no complaints there.
One of the family events scheduled was a little magic show put on by a local magician. Ankle Biter was a bit excited for the show.

One of the very first tricks that was done by the magician required a volunteer. Guess who put his hand up? Ankle Biter!! Okay…here’s the set-up: Basically, there are two red balls. The magician gives one to AB and puts the other one in his pocket. When AB opens his hands, there are TWO balls there. He’s slightly excited about the magic trick afterwards…

So the kid wanted to get his face painted. After seeing the work that was done on some of the other kids around the zoo, I was quite impressed and thought the $10 price tag was worth it. We stood in line for ALMOST AN HOUR. I give props to AB because he didn’t complain once…he just wanted to get his face painted.
My hat’s off to the kid. He was a LOT more patient than I could have been. He sat like this and didn’t move the entire time!
The transformation begins…
I wasn’t just impressed by my son’s patience, but also by the artist’s ability. She did some amazing work on this day.
Y’know…this was the toughest part to wash off. I hadn’t really thought about the black around his eyes. When he went to bed that night, it almost looked like he had eye-liner on. Still…it totally worked on him.
Here’s the finished product…my son the wolf!! I mean honestly…does this not totally look like it was worth $10 and 60 minutes? All I had to do was see the smile on his face and know that it totally was.
As we continued to walk around the zoo, AB began taking on wolf-like qualities. Walking as if he was actually STALKING prey was the big thing. Funny how he liked to mug for the camera. I have NO IDEA where he gets that from.
He was hoping to get some kind of reaction from the snakes. It didn’t happen. Still…he looked pretty awesome.
Hey…if he’s happy, then I’m happy. And I think this pic just goes to show just how happy we both were on this day.

Saturday night saw a Skype session take place between Ankle Biter and I with three of my favorite girls in the world: Sunshine, Mo, and Kiddo. The sound didn’t work and a computer issue ended the call early, but I didn’t care…I smile from ear to ear whenever I see “my girls”. The only thing that was missing was my daughter.

So I woke up on Father’s Day to having Ankle Biter hangin’ in the bed with me. Just rolling on top of me and laughing it up. After we got up, ate breakfast, and got ready for the day, he proceeded to give me something.  In addition to the cupcakes I received on Friday night, I was given a home-made Father’s Day card made in the shape of a tie. Needless to say, I was a pretty happy dad.
He said that he drew a picture of the two of us holding hands with hearts all around because he loved me so much. How can that not be the most awesome gift? Wow…my son is awesome!

Before heading out to see my dad, I happened to see the most amazing post over on Sunshine’s blog. Talk about putting a smile on my face!! Gosh how I love those girls…

We went to visit my dad today, making my son REALLY happy (he’s quite fond of his grandfather). It hit me today that I don’t have nearly as many pics of my dad and my son together as I should. After what happened to mom last year, I know just how quickly something could potentially happen…and I want as many memories as possible.

So with my son asleep and me about to head there myself, the phone rang around 10:15pm on Sunday night. Sure enough, my daughter was calling from Ontario to wish me a happy Father’s Day. She was also interested in finding out when we’re flying here down to visit.

I think our little “blow-up” back in April really helped our relationship. She thought I didn’t care anymore…I thought she didn’t care anymore…turns out, we both were just being stubborn and not communicating how we really felt. She ended the call by saying, “I love you” for the first time in MONTHS.

This was a heckuva weekend.