Is jealousy ever okay in a relationship?

This is a re-post from November 2009.


I was listening to the radio this morning and the “Morning Crew” were discussing when a lady knows that she is dating a loser (great topic).

One of the items that came up was jealousy, and the example used by the female host was “When he won’t let you dance at a club with another guy.” The male host immediately suggested that he wouldn’t like his girlfriend dancing with another man and thus the discussion began because the female host really didn’t see it as a big deal.

What if that guy wanted to buy you a drink? Is there a line to cross there?

What if your boyfriend was there at the club but didn’t want to dance? What if you were out without him?

What if you were married? Would that change anything?

I think there are way too many scenarios and possibilities to think about in this type of situation. Because in the end, it really all depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. I mean, one person’s jealousy could be another person’s “I love you”.

Personally, I think there is a line to draw between me physically being there and me not being there.

Being totally honest…I’m not much of a dancer. My inability on the dance floor was one of the reasons I was always the DJ sitting up in the corner and not the one trying to do the macarena. So if, for some reason, I find myself at a club with Sunshine and she really wants to dance, I’ll probably not mind too much if she goes up with a friend to shake her bootie (they still call it that, right?). I wouldn’t say a slow dance is okay, though…but a fast dance is fine as long as it’s not a tribute to Dirty Dancing.

But what if I’m not actually at the club with her? I’d like to say up front that I wouldn’t have a problem with Sunshine going out with her girlfriends for a night of partying and clubbing. That doesn’t bother me because I trust her. But if she was doing some one-on-one dancing with another man that night? Well…I think I’d have the right to be jealous.

Or am I still off-base here?

Does it make me a “loser” to show a bit of jealousy from time to time? I know that getting angry and upset isn’t healthy at all…there’s certainly no reason to be overly jealous and I’ve seen it with other couples way too often over the years. But I’m allowed to feel a bit uncomfortable with certain situations, aren’t I? I mean, I would like to think that if didn’t show any feelings at all, I’d end up looking like I was too comfortable or taking the relationship for granted.

When it jealousy okay in a relationship? Is it ever okay? Are there lines to cross?


3 thoughts on “Is jealousy ever okay in a relationship?

  1. I don’t remember what my comment was the first time you posted this, but my thoughts are that a little bit of jealously in a relationship is normal, and dare I say, healthy. It’s part of being human to feel that way about your partner from time to time, and I think expressing that helps your partner know that they are valued and you care about them. Again…as long as it’s “healthy” and “normal”, and not about trying to control your partner, then I think that a little bit of jealously is healthy and normal.

  2. I agree with Sunshine…a little bit of it is okay, almost a protectiveness of sorts, not in an overbearing, you cannot leave this house sort of way. Your ‘level’ of jealousy seems absolutely normal and good, I think!

  3. I think you are totally allowed to feel uncomfortable/jealous in situations. I also think your significant other, if they really love you, will look at a situation before they insert themselves into it and ask, “how will this look to xxx?” and “how would I feel if the situation was reversed?”

    Thinking “these are my friends; this is my right” without any concern for how your behavior could be perceived is just selfish.

    Obsessive jealously. Dictating who they can be with. What they can wear. Etc…now that is unhealthy.

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