Tomorrow would have been my mother’s birthday.
I’ve been trying to not think about it all week, but it’s been kinda forced upon me. My mind simply won’t let it go…and that’s probably a good thing.
I went into a bit of a funk after mom died and it’s been a bit of a battle to get back to a place where I feel like I can be myself again. It’s been a battle because as soon as I felt a bit better about the situation, my father went and started dating somebody. Less than two months later, she moved into the house with him.
She’s a nice lady and all, but whenever I’m with them I just don’t see the connection. I just do not see what dad sees…but that’s okay. She makes him happy and she’s helping him move on with his life, so I’m absolutely happy for him. And this is not just me saying the words, I’m actually feeling that way. I’m becoming more comfortable with the entire situation.
At least I was until this week.
I’m going to stop by mom’s gravesite tomorrow on the way to Sunshine’s and lay a flower by her headstone. I don’t know how else to honor her memory as this is something totally new and unusual for me.
I’m still not over her death. And just when I think I am, something else comes up to remind me that she’s no longer here. I want to be able to move on like dad has, but it just doesn’t feel right to me. I’m certainly not holding it against him or anything because we all grieve differently and maybe I’m holding onto these feelings longer than I should.
I don’t know. All I know is that I’m very grateful that I’ll be able to spend the day with Sunshine. She’s always my backbone and the one who I rely on to help me through difficult times.
So mom, just know that I love you and I’m still thinking about you all the time. I miss you and will always do whatever I can to honor your memory.
Happy birthday, mom.