Here I go again

God…I’ve told myself that I was ready to ‘start over’ repeated times over the past few years. I can’t begin to tell you how many false starts I’ve actually had, though.  Needless to say, it must have been every one of them because I’m still in a position where I feel like I need to do something.

Every time I try to diet, I fail. Every time I try to make a lifestyle change instead of diet, I fail. Every time I simply try to eat better, it works for a little while before I fail. Every time I feel like “tomorrow will be the day I exercise”, I fail. Every time I tell myself that I won’t sit in front of the laptop all night after work and I’ll actually do something around the house instead, I fail.

I realize that I have internal issues.  These issues somehow have me convinced that I’m never truly happy unless I’m actually UNhappy. What’s weird to me is that I have this realization and I’m acutely aware of the situation, yet I constantly have trouble with trying to fix it or overcome it.

So here I go again.  I’m starting today as if it’s a new day…as if I haven’t failed a million times already.

I’m starting today with a new exercise regimen…nothing too crazy because I don’t want to get turned off by it after a week, but something that I can at least get started on and work from.

I’m starting with new eating habits because I’m so effin’ tired of being unhappy with myself on a daily basis. I eat certain things and can’t believe I’ve eaten them, yet the next week I’m doing it all again. That’s GOT to end.

I’m starting today with the knowledge that even though I’ve lost ten pounds in a few weeks, that DOESN’T mean I can “slack off” like I’ve won something and am finished with my self-improvement.

I’m starting tonight with a new attitude towards life. I’m tired of sitting in my chair in front of the tv or the laptop every single night. NOTHING gets accomplished and life just seems to slowly drift on by. 

I deserve more than what I’m currently providing myself. I deserve a life that’s worth living…not just a life I’m going through the motions on.

I saw this on a friend’s Facebook page this morning and it really hit me like a ton of bricks:

I realize that I’M the one who makes me feel like I don’t deserve what I want…and I’m done believing that. 

I’m a 39 year old man who not only wants to believe that I’m just now half-way through my life, but I also want to enjoy the years I’ve got left.  I want to be happy at 40…at 50…at 70.  I want to be healthy and full of life.  I want to never look back and say that I could have done something to change but didn’t.

So here I go again. Wish me luck.


8 thoughts on “Here I go again

  1. Well good luck!

    And I second

    And also, remember, if you fail a million times, it’s the million and oneth time that counts. 🙂


  2. I hear ya. Exercise programs are tough to keep especially when life happens. I haven’t been on a regular exercise schedule since I moved and I’m feeling it. Starting out easier is a good way to go. Good luck man.

  3. Good luck! Starting anew is ALWAYS a good thing. BUT…another change, to consider, is giving yourself permission to fail, from time to time….without considering it a “failure”.

    Fitness is a journey, not a destination. No one stays fit, or happy for that matter, without re-investing every day. Sure, you can get to a point that allows you to coast, for awhile, but you’ll never reach a point that you will be FIT, no matter what, without continuing to make good choices.

    And good choices are sometimes easy and sometimes hard. And some things that you try end up working, while others do not. I’ve found that for me, the key is to keep reminding myself that I can choose differently if something is not working. Modifying a plan, or deviating, or scrapping it and starting something new is not necessarily failure…it’s being flexible and realizing that I am a work in progress that is human and subject to error and falling down.

    I know all of this shit is easier said than done….I just think that it seems that you are so hard on yourself, when you really seem to have so much going for you. You are a good-looking, successful (by objective standards), committed man and father who is out there DOING STUFF and sharing his life with someone (hi Sunshine)….stop and think about it…..THAT is nothing to sneeze at. Nothing at all.

    much love to you and best of luck!

  4. You have the fire under you, channel that and make it a lifestyle change. I promise that is the best way to look at it. Not a diet, just healthy choices, count calories for awhile tp get a handle on it and it will become a lifestyle change. You can do it. Believe.

  5. Do you have a CrossFit class/gym in your area?
    I heard an older lady on the radio saying she
    went to it totally out of shape and that everyone supported her there and it has really immproved her quality of life.
    It looks like quite an experience-google it!

  6. M. I attend Crossfit…it’s been the single most positive change I’ve made to my physical health in over a decade. It’s hard (harder than anything I’ve ever done) and expensive…..but produces incredible results. At our gym, we have ppl from 15 to 74…all shapes, all sizes…all checking excuses at the door. It really is quite extraordinary. There are xfit gyms all over Atlantic Canada now.

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