God…I’ve told myself that I was ready to ‘start over’ repeated times over the past few years. I can’t begin to tell you how many false starts I’ve actually had, though. Needless to say, it must have been every one of them because I’m still in a position where I feel like I need to do something.
Every time I try to diet, I fail. Every time I try to make a lifestyle change instead of diet, I fail. Every time I simply try to eat better, it works for a little while before I fail. Every time I feel like “tomorrow will be the day I exercise”, I fail. Every time I tell myself that I won’t sit in front of the laptop all night after work and I’ll actually do something around the house instead, I fail.
I realize that I have internal issues. These issues somehow have me convinced that I’m never truly happy unless I’m actually UNhappy. What’s weird to me is that I have this realization and I’m acutely aware of the situation, yet I constantly have trouble with trying to fix it or overcome it.
So here I go again. I’m starting today as if it’s a new day…as if I haven’t failed a million times already.
I’m starting today with a new exercise regimen…nothing too crazy because I don’t want to get turned off by it after a week, but something that I can at least get started on and work from.
I’m starting with new eating habits because I’m so effin’ tired of being unhappy with myself on a daily basis. I eat certain things and can’t believe I’ve eaten them, yet the next week I’m doing it all again. That’s GOT to end.
I’m starting today with the knowledge that even though I’ve lost ten pounds in a few weeks, that DOESN’T mean I can “slack off” like I’ve won something and am finished with my self-improvement.
I’m starting tonight with a new attitude towards life. I’m tired of sitting in my chair in front of the tv or the laptop every single night. NOTHING gets accomplished and life just seems to slowly drift on by.
I deserve more than what I’m currently providing myself. I deserve a life that’s worth living…not just a life I’m going through the motions on.
I saw this on a friend’s Facebook page this morning and it really hit me like a ton of bricks:
I realize that I’M the one who makes me feel like I don’t deserve what I want…and I’m done believing that.
I’m a 39 year old man who not only wants to believe that I’m just now half-way through my life, but I also want to enjoy the years I’ve got left. I want to be happy at 40…at 50…at 70. I want to be healthy and full of life. I want to never look back and say that I could have done something to change but didn’t.
So here I go again. Wish me luck.