I’ve now been separated for twice as long as I was married…over four years now. The Ex and I get along as decent friends who happen to share an amazing child together. Because she doesn’t have a man in her life other than our son, she’s never been in a rush to get a divorce and doesn’t seem to feel the need to force the issue.
But what’s MY excuse?
I sent in divorce papers once already, but some of the items were not filled out correctly and the entire thing ended up getting sent back to me. Since that time, though, I have taken my sweet time to finish filling the documents out properly and get The Ex to do the same.
Now the documents are almost ready to go again, yet it’s Sunshine asking me the status of things instead of me being all over it. So the question really is why.
There are multiple reasons…
- Fear – I was always of the belief that marriage was supposed to be til death do us part. My parents lasted 43 years before mom passed back in February…that’s a big deal. So knowing my first marriage only lasted two years is a little embarrassing, if I can be honest. I felt like a complete failure with my friends (who told me as much) and with my parents (who were terribly disappointed). It’s a scary thing to want to jump back into those waters. Things are going so amazing with Sunshine right now…what if something changed? My marriage was over almost months after it started. I just don’t want that to happen again.
- Time – Up until now, both Sunshine and I were separated but not officially divorced. I just didn’t feel the “pressure” (for lack of a better word) to get my own divorce finalized…there wasn’t any time crunch. Well, her divorce will probably be finalized within the next few weeks and I’m still waiting around lackadaisically.
- Procrastination – I’m a procrastinator by nature…it’s absolutely one of my lessor personality traits. I know that I need to get off my ass and get this done, but I just haven’t yet.
- Importance – Sunshine asked me yesterday if getting a divorce was a “priority” for me. Because of the above reasons and because I had also gone through a pretty wild first half of the year, it hadn’t really been. When I sat down last night and thought about why it wasn’t a priority, I couldn’t really come up with a valid reason. It just hasn’t ranked above other items in my life recently.
I want to marry Sunshine, I really do. In fact, I was having that very discussion with a co-worker yesterday morning before getting Sunshine’s email asking about the status of my divorce.
The big question I have is would Sunshine want to have a long-distance marriage? I mean, I know others do it and while odd it’s not completely uncommon…but is that something that she would be okay with? I think she would be (or at least I hope she would be). Being married would also confirm that the distance is just a barrier to us eventually living under the same roof together and wouldn’t be considered an obstacle to the relationship itself.
I think I have been telling myself that because we don’t live in the same city that marriage isn’t important. The problem with the mindset, though, is that I’m not being fair to Sunshine’s feelings or to our relationship.
I told my co-worker yesterday that we’ve been together for two and a half years and while we’ve discussed marriage, I haven’t popped the question nor have I finalized my divorce.
“Two and a half years?? What the heck are you waiting for??”
That’s the question I was asked. After a lot of thought my answer today is simply, “I’m not going to wait anymore.”
Changes are coming soon. First step: get this damn divorce finalized and out of the way. I’ve got my new life to prepare for!!