She moved in.

As I mentioned yesterday, my dad bought me a minivan so he could give the car I was driving to his new girlfriend. I firmly believe that it is a bribe of sorts and, as you can tell by the post title, the reason is because she moved into the house over the weekend.

Yes…my dad has dated a woman less than two months and she has already moved into the house.

He sprang this info on me when I went to visit him on Saturday. My little brother came up to me when dad wasn’t around and said that she was moving in. I told him that she’s moving in today. He said the house is going to shit now.

Obviously, that’s something neither he nor myself will tell him any time soon.

Dad and I went down into the basement after lunch to look for a tent to use next week on vacation. While we were down there, I did my best to ease into a conversation about her moving in.  I tried to tell him that I was really concerned about the speed of things…that I didn’t want to see him get hurt.  Basically, I gave him the speech that he gave to me back when I was 19 and wanting to move in with a girlfriend I had only been dating a couple of months.  At the time, I just wanted out of the house….in this case, he just wants to no longer be lonely.

He told me that they were in love. My stomach did somersaults but what could I do?  If that’s how he feels then that’s how he feels.  If he believes that he’s in love with this woman after two months, who am I to argue?  I knew I loved Sunshine after two weeks, so I realize it’s quite possible to fall in love quickly if there’s the connection.

He told me of his plans on going on trips with her.  How she doesn’t like him spending money so that’s why he likes spending money on her. His intentions (already) of pulling out a ring near the end of the year.

Sigh…

This is all a whirlwind for me. It’s like I’m in the middle of a tornado and all I can do is just hold on for dear life and wait for it to be over.  And from talking to others who have gone through (slightly) similar situations, my feelings will change and to that extent, it will eventually be over.

But in the meantime, I’m forced to accept this woman into my life. I don’t really have a choice in the matter.  I think she’s nice and all, but I’m really having a difficult time dealing with this.  I can never tell dad that, though…but because I think he can sense it a bit, that’s why he went and bought the minivan.  Well…that and wanting to give her a new car instead of the one she was already driving.

Sigh…

Did I mention that my head was spinning?

I love my dad, I really do.  All I want for him is to be happy.  I told him that and he told me that he was…so I suppose that’s what I need to remember in order to not lose my shit over the whole situation.

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16 thoughts on “She moved in.

  1. A tough situation for sure. If you can hang on to your “shit” till you work through your feelings, then good on you. I didn’t when my dad passed and my mom began living with another man and it took us years to repair our relationship. I’ve been where you are with this situation and it is like being stuck in a tornado, accurately described! It will get easier, in time….Hang in there 🙂

    1. Well…after talking with my little brother today (who still lives at the house, too), he’s NOT happy about things.

      It has nothing to do with the girlfriend…it’s just here is a woman being crammed down our throats and “forced” to accept before we even get a chance to know her

      He’s 17 and wants to move out of the house now. Dad has no clue…he’s under the assumption that I’m the one having a difficult time with this. I said they should talk, but I doubt that’s going to happen.

  2. Wow. I give you a lot of credit for the restraint in not just blurting out exactly how you feel. I think I might have done that myself, to be honest. This is a really tough situation and I am actually really surprised at the swiftness of it. But you are right, he doesn’t want to be lonely. That doesn’t mean he should rush into things though, as you mention. Hang in there, you are very strong.

    1. Everybody’s surprised by the swiftness of it…but what can we do? We don’t want to alienate him so for now, we just go along with it. I can only hope that this gets easier through time and doesn’t end up with a family member going off on him and this hurting the family.

  3. Perhaps you may need to be the catalyst that begins the talking between your dad and brother…another tough spot for you to be while dealing with your own feelings. I do commend you too for respecting your Dad’s feelings-it’s hard to do when you are on an emotional rollercoaster. My brother and I were living on our own when our mom mmoved her then “boyfriend” in so we only had to deal with it directly when we visited. That’s very different from being confronted with it on a daily basis. Maybe the best thing for all of you is to sit down with your dad and lay it all out there…I choose the wrong approach…my temper tantrum didn’t inspire my mom to want to sit and talk much with me.
    You know your family best and what may work for you all. You are an intelligent and insightful guy and in time you will figure out how to work through this to the benefit of your family. Take care.

    1. My brother and I spoke this morning, actually. He’s considering moving out at this point because he doesn’t feel comfortable in his own home. This “stranger” is always around and now with talk of a possible ring in December (ugh), he’s speaking of moving out even though he’s only 17 years old. I really want him and dad to talk because dad has no idea just how upset my brother is about this. I just don’t know how to approach it.

  4. Have you ever thought to talk to her? I don’t know… maybe to get to know her a little better. Perhaps hearing her speak about what’s going on, it may give you a little more insight or ease the situation a bit?

    (I say this as I prepare to approach my ex husband about his girlfriend. I need to spend time with her in order to trust the situation more.)

    Other than that, you’re doing all you can. I hate this for you. And sadly, I understand it from past and present experience…

    ((hugs))

    1. I don’t want this to sound cold or anything, but where I don’t have any issues with her specifically I guess I don’t really feel the need to want to talk to her at all.

      My sister thinks she’s a gold digger, but at 65 and a widow herself, I just don’t think that’s the case.

      She just isn’t my mom…and that’s the only thing I’m having problems dealing with.

  5. Gosh, this sounds just nuts.He is obviously in a very
    desperate place .

    I wonder about this woman-I don’t mean to be rude,but seems a little fast that she would be willing to move in after dating 2 months knowing he was so recently widowed.
    Something seems a little strange here,and for her to accept a brand new car from him?
    Obviosuly ,your dad is the one trying to move quickly here I guess, but it does make me wonder what os her hurry as well?)

    Would the three of you guys consider going to talk to a therapist?

  6. …And sounds very hellish for you all,and particularly
    tough for your young brother who has to live with this
    situation .Hope he can confide in you as much as he needs to.

  7. Much has already been said. This is a tough situation for everyone. Your dad was likely lonely and feels the need to rush — his perspective on time is influenced by his age — he no longer feels he has “forever” to find love. Chatting with his girlfriend is an excellent idea. You might feel lots better (fingers crossed!) if you get to know her a bit.

    1. It’s quite possible I’d feel a bit better, I suppose. I just don’t even want to talk to her one-on-one at this point…it’s just an uncomfortable feeling for me.

      And yes, I totally realize that his decisions as of late are influenced by his age. He doesn’t want to die lonely and if he can prevent that from happening, he’ll do whatever he can to make it happen.

  8. i know there isn’t really anything you can do about this situation, but i just want to say that you totally have the right to feel upset about this. it sounds like he is trying to replace your mom, and no one but him wants that replacement. i don’t know what else so say, but i agree that this situation sucks. i’m sorry. 😦

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