I suck at this. Oh…and this, too!

As I proceeded to burn water and over-cook my pasta into a mushy mess yet again, it hit me that I really SUCK at cooking.  Y’know, you’d think it’d be easy…follow directions and voila~!!  Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

So I thought I’d throw a few things together that I suck at. But I’m trying to improve….

  • I can’t cook. This one bothers me because I absolutely LOVE to eat. My life would be so much easier if not only did I know how to cook, but I also had the bloody patience to learn how to cook properly.  Bah.  And I’m not going to go blaming it on me being a bachelor because, in reality, I’ve been a bachelor for the majority of my adult life and I should have learned how to cook by now. The problem? I grew up working in my dad’s pizza restaurant and, unfortunately, my kitchen isn’t as easy to use as a completely prepped restaurant kitchen is.
  • I don’t know anything about cars. I put the key in, I turn the key, and the car starts.  That’s about the extent of my car knowledge.  Mind you, I’ve changed tires and have driven myself out of more than one accident in my lifetime, but if you open the engine I’ll be able to tell you where to put the washer fluid and that’s about it.  Would I like to know a bit more about cars?  Yeah…I guess.  I learned quite a bit when I worked for Enterprise Rent-A-Car five years ago, but nothing that would help me jump-start my engine if I was stranded on the side of the road.  Isn’t that what AAA is for?
  • I’m HORRIBLE with tools. Listen…I really should be blaming this one on my dad.  Why? Because he can fix anything.  He has designed houses and restaurants and has helped to build them. He’s got more tools than you can shake a stick at. But did he ever teach me anything?  No.  I don’t even know the different screwdrivers from one another (there’s the flat-head, the star, and the square…that’s about all I know).  And then he has the audacity to give Sunshine a PINK TOOL KIT for her birthday and then poke fun at me for not knowing how to use tools.  Thanks for the help, dad.  You rock. Sigh…
  • I’m a master of useless information. Something mom ALWAYS told me was that if I actually remembered as much in school as I did with things that didn’t really matter (i.e. movie trivia, music trivia, etc.), I’d be an honor student.  It’s weird…I’ve never been scholarly in any way, yet I can tell you who sang that “Mexican Radio” song back in the early 80’s (without looking, it was Wall of Voodoo…and I think it was ’82). I don’t know why certain things sink in when other things don’t…especially when some of those things are pretty important (I could have graduated university on the standard 4-year plan instead of ending up on the 8–year plan but having remembered seeing every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation).
  • I can’t paint. Trust me…I’ve tried.  I can’t even stain a patio deck without getting the house splattered.  It’s insane.  I just don’t seem to have the patience.  Hell…I can’t even put tape around the corners properly.  I have a difficult enough time trying to color with my son and stay within the lines in his coloring book.

Obviously, none of these things are really that big of a deal…I just thought it’d be a laugh to poke some fun at myself.

And what about you?  Anything you kinda suck at that you wish you were a little better at?

*****

EDIT:

HA!!  I was right!!!  1982!!! 

Ahem…okay, I really shouldn’t so excited about getting that right. Yeesh.

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