Awkwardness…welcome to the family

I had this whole blog post idea planned out in my head. The idea changed after yesterday’s family gathering.

Y’see, the family gets together every Sunday afternoon at my aunt and uncle’s house. Extended family, friends of the family, and whomever else decides to drop by show up to talk, laugh, gossip, and just enjoy each other’s company.

Two weeks ago dad brought his girlfriend to the house. It was awkward for everybody, but things went along as normal as they could be. Yesterday dad brought her over again…only this time proceeded to tell everybody (casually, mind you) that they two of them were “getting serious” and were discussing moving in together.

Now I don’t know if dad even noticed the looks and glances at that point, but I did. I noticed, primarily, because most of the looks and glances came my way.

Listen…I love my dad.  I really, really do. I also think his girlfriend is a nice woman and that’s not just a line of bullshit. Will this last?  Who knows?  I can’t see it, but dad’s in such a mental state right now that it could go on for quite some time.

I want to be angry at this, I really do. The awkwardness and tension in that room for the rest of the time I was there was brutal. It just wasn’t comfortable for anybody. But what can I do?  Dad’s so desperate to replace what he lost that he’s just going head-first into this relationship and fuck everybody else if they don’t like it.

And the fact that he’s forcing her and the relationship onto everybody is NOT cool…but I guess I understand it.  I mean, he’s making himself to be really into this woman (who he constantly calls “dear” now) and he wants confirmation from everybody around him that it’s okay.  At least that’s my interpretation.

It’d be different if I didn’t know just how much dad loved mom. I’d be pissed if I really thought dad was just jumping into a bed because he could.  I saw what he went through…I felt his pain. I can’t be angry at him for doing whatever he can to not feel so empty every single day.

It doesn’t mean that what he’s doing is right, though.

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7 thoughts on “Awkwardness…welcome to the family

  1. Sigh. This is so so tough, I don’t even know what to say except that I think you are probably very right in that your dad is trying to fix the emptiness and hurt over losing your mom and desperately trying to get everyone else to accept his girlfriend so he can feel more right about it. What is her background? Is she divorced? Widowed? I just wonder if she even realizes that this is quite fast after he just lost your mom. Ya know? Not to say that she isn’t a nice person, I’m sure she is, but if it were me, I think I’d be wondering how much of this was ‘replacement’ vs feelings. Hang in there…

  2. Well, now that “the family” has been “notified”, maybe someone else will talk to him. I’m sorry you are going through this. Take care.

  3. Ugh…. I think many of us have those “replacement” relationships. Just as, after divorce, some of us had one relationship that was just doomed from the get-go. It’s so frustrating to watch. Especially when you KNOW the person is seeking validation from everyone that they’re doing the right thing. That right there tells you they aren’t sure. But we each choose our own experiences and lessons to learn… as difficult as they are for everyone else to watch. That person, your dad, is just trying to find out who he is now, without his partner in his life anymore.

    I feel your pain. Sorry it’s such a struggle.

  4. I also think that most people have that “rebound” reaction after a long marriage/relationship. It’s nice to feel safe, loved, comfortable…. hopefully he’s able to make the distinction between feeling “safe” with someone and having true feelings?

    I can’t imagine how hard that is to watch a parent go through….

    Ps… love the blog. 🙂

  5. Well written!

    Sounds very painful and very awkward.It’s so crazy how
    humans have such different reactions/complications
    with huge loss,grief and tragedy.
    I have seen some enter such deep depressions that they
    disappear from life,some suicidal,some try and hide their
    pain by seeking either human comfort in another,or in the bottle,or food….
    Each of these coping mechanisms are so sad to to witness.
    I can’t even begin to know what your dad is feeling
    after losing his life partner ,but I am guessing he is
    completely shellshocked…
    This is a very sad thing to hear about it,and I am so sorry your whole family is suffering with grief and now
    awkwardness as well.

    Hoping somehow your Dad will slow this down a bit,but it sounds like he is barrelling headfirst into this.
    I do hope this lady is a good person,as it would be so sad if she was someone trying to take advantage if him,wither
    emotionally or financially at such a weak moment.

  6. I really do wish I had some sweet advice here, and instead I’ve got nothing but some bacon. 😦 Oh CaNook, this situation does in fact, blow.

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