I wish I was a baller…

I was going through some old posts from my previous (now private and well hidden) blog and found something from almost exactly three years ago.  In the post I was wishing to be a person that I wasn’t at the time.  I wasn’t in a very good place mentally and I think it shows in my words.

So I thought it would be interesting to see what I thought of myself at the time and follow each point up with comments on where I see myself today…

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I wish I could be one of those people who were positive all the time.

I’m definitely a positive person now. Without question. I actually had somebody at work yesterday ask me why I don’t let things bother me and if I could mentor others!!  It took a lot of work, but my outlook on life in general is extremely positive…and life is better because of it.

I wish I could follow my own advice for others.

I think I’m still working on this one.  The good thing is that I’m able to recognize the times when I need to take my own advice and do my best to pause, take a moment, and then heed it.

I wish I wasn’t so lazy.

Heh…I’m still working on this one, too. But I gotta say that I’m definitely not as lazy as I used to be three years ago.

I wish I didn’t feel so lonely all the time.

Even though I’m in a long-distance relationship with Sunshine, I don’t feel this way anymore.  I may be alone most nights, but I’m not lonely.

I wish I could stop procrastinating.

This one will probably never change.

I wish I would think more before speaking my mind. I know not what I do sometimes.

This is something else I’ve definitely worked on over the last couple of years. I still say things I shouldn’t, but I’m a LOT better than I was.

I wish I could be “Zen”. Sometimes, negativity seems to pour over me like a cold shower in the morning.

Wow…the only shower that pours over me contains hot water and joy at a brand new day. It’s hard to believe that I was in that low of a place.

I wish I had more self-confidence. Not liking oneself isn’t exactly an attractive quality that women are clamoring over.

This is something I’m still working on today. It’s absolutely better than it was, but it’s a work in progress.

I wish I wasn’t always “just a friend”. Women seem to like me a lot but just not that much.

I think Sunshine has helped me in this category.

I sometimes wish I was smoking again. Certain things in my life seemed better during that time period. It’s a fleeting thought…but it’s always there.

I’ve been around smokers a lot over the past few years…even for a couple of hours last weekend…and it doesn’t bother me anymore. I don’t even think about smoking, so my hope is that it’s an addiction I’ve put to rest.

I wish depression would motivate me instead of de-motivate me. You would think that seeing my stomach hang over my belt every day would be a good incentive to work out and lose a ton of weight. But I’d much rather eat some chips or a Blizzard or something chocolate. It’s not called “comfort food” for nothing. I actually feel better when I eat junk…and then I look at myself in the mirror and get depressed for eating it. It’s a vicious cycle.

While I’m still working on this one, I’m starting to over-come it. I’ve lost 13 pounds within the last month and I’m keen on continuing on this path. Fingers crossed…I can stay motivated because I know I’ll feel a lot better when all is said and done.

I wish somebody would care about me for who I am…not for the person they want me to be. Or think I could be. Or wished I could be. I’m totally willing to try new things and try to be “that person”. Y’know, the one that is exactly what my companion wants me to be…but I want acceptance first for who I am before I follow someone else’s road of guidance and advice.

I never would have thought at the time that I would have found the PERFECT person for me who loves me for exactly as I am. What an amazing change this can make to one’s life.

I wish I didn’t complain so much. Sometimes life sucks. I just need to stand in line & buy a helmet.

Bought my helmet awhile ago.  I’m good with life now.

I wish I would stop wishing for things that aren’t in my life right now. I need to slap myself, smarten up, and just LIVE.

While I still think I’m capable of having more of a “life”, I’m not wishing for things that are out of my control anymore. I’m doing my best to appreciate what I do have instead…it makes life so much easier to handle.

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Wow…I can tell you without question that I’m in SUCH a better place today than I was three years ago. It’s amazing how much I’ve changed and how some things are still the same.

The bottom line is that I’m always improving…never giving up…and never again letting life kick me to the curb regardless of what it might throw my way.

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3 thoughts on “I wish I was a baller…

  1. What a great idea to go back to that post (didn’t know you had a previous blog!). You ARE in a much better place and two of my favorites here are the one about finding a companion that loves you for you (ding ding ding!) and not allowing negativity to flow over you like a shower (the fact that you WERE in that place and now are completely NOT is awesome). Good stuff (and congrats on the weight loss!)

  2. You really have come a long way since then…and it’s so great that you’re able to look back and see that. I’m SO proud of you. Don’t you wish you could send a message to yourself three years ago and let you know that things are going to improve?

    The good news is that with the path you’re on, in another three years you’ll be able to look back on where you are TODAY and see even more progress. 🙂

  3. WOW! That’s so beautiful and impressive. You should be very proud. I can’t wait for you to come back to this post 3 years from now and see even more improvement!

    Heh. I just looked at Sunshine’s comment and see we basically said the same thing. Have you ever considered that we were separated at birth? 😉

    Very VERY happy for you, CBG. Keep up the great work!

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