Hypothetically speaking…

…ladies, let’s say you have been with your man for a couple of years now. With the exception of a couple of rough patches, it’s been a phenomenal relationship and you couldn’t be more in love if you tried.

He has been through a rough few months, with a lot of outside issues affecting him in a number of ways…bringing him down and affecting his emotions in such a way that he hasn’t really been himself.

Let’s say that over the past couple of weeks, circumstances have prevented the two of you from connecting on a number of levels. Children… neighbours… sleep deprivation… all reasons for an “off” time between the two of you. You just haven’t really felt close lately, which is unusual for you two.

And let’s say that there has been more than one time where your man has had issues in the bedroom. Specifically, being unable to finish what he starts. He tells you that there are multiple reasons for the issue…it’s because there’s just so much on his mind and that he ends up over-thinking things and that it’s not you in any way.

How would you feel? Would you take this personally? Would you start to wonder what’s going on?

So more importantly, if you were concerned about how close the two of you had been (or had NOT been) over the past few weeks…what could your man do to help the situation?

Y’know, hypothetically speaking…

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11 thoughts on “Hypothetically speaking…

  1. Hypothetically speaking, of course, the only thing I’d want from my man is that he continue to make me feel beautiful and continue to foster intimacy (as best he could given the long distance and the lack of alone time, etc..) even IF the intimacy doesn’t always lead to the deed.. While sex is important (no denying it)…closeness and togetherness is almost just as important.

    best of luck…hypothetically…of course.

  2. Hypothetically speaking…..if it were me….I would start to wonder if perhaps this were a symptom of deeper issues going on. I might start to question the relationship a little bit. I might also start feeling overwhelmed by the issues that need to be dealt with in order to get the relationship back to the “sweet spot” it once was at. I might worry about the longevity of the relationship if “real life” so easily threw us off track.

    And to make it better, well, what I would hypothetically want my man to do would be to just make some extra effort to reconnect and rebuild that intimacy…whether it involved sex or not.

    Y’know….hypothetically speaking and all….

  3. Hypothetically speaking… I would have to agree with Sunshine. I am going through the same thing and wonder frequently if there is something else going on. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same anymore, maybe he doesn’t want to be with me but doesn’t know how to end it or say the words, maybe he doesn’t think I am beautiful anymore, etc. And if we could have just one day where we connected on our “regular” level, it would go a long way towards bridging that gap that had formed…hypothetically speaking of course

  4. I agree with Natalie. Hypothetically, if the things my man had been dealing with involved some of the biggies in this life of ours, I couldn’t fault him for not being himself. I would want him to make/keep communication between us a priority, and find a special way for us to reconnect, as in some couple-only time. If I really was starting to wonder because it had been awhile, I might urge him to seek some assistance to deal with these outside pressures/issues. Hypothetically…

  5. I would also, hypothetically speaking, take it personally if my man had recently considered breaking things off with me.

    Here’s the thing: it is difficult to give love if we are not loving ourselves. If my man had been through a lot recently or felt too many emotional blows (that’s NOT what she said) lately, I doubt very seriously that he would feel very “giving”. Stress takes a toll on the body. The mind does indeed rule. If the mind isn’t clear, if the body isn’t feeling any joy or love at all from the mind, then that feeling is projected out… completely unintentionally. It is just the way it is.

    The best thing the man can do is figure out how to make HIM happy. Which is unfortunate because the partner make take that personally too. But she is responsible for her happiness as well.

    That is a very difficult perspective to swallow when doubt is in the picture. But very easy if faith is in the picture.

    Hypothetically speaking, what is the man leaning on? And what is his partner leaning on? Faith or doubt? Love or fear?

  6. I would have to say, hypothetically, that T has a fabulous point. I would take it personally too, if my man had recently considered (and let it be publicized) breaking things off with me.

    Bound to cause some major insecurities …

  7. i just went through this with my bf. unfortunately, our relationship ended. mainly bc of how i dealt with the situation. i took it personally. he dug inward and started pulling away.. which made it even worse.. and now im working through the heart ache. take some time apart to really be able to vocalize the issues when u do talk it out. but listen. and patience is key! (something i dont have)

  8. I would take it personally. People can convince themselves that their love is selfless even when they are in the midst of selfishness. When people go through rough patches, especially periods of loss and grief, they run the risk of very narcissistic thinking. Trust me I’ve been there. Our loss. Our grief seems to give us a get out of jail free card. To some extent it does but there comes a point when we have to live and not just immerse ourselves in loss. You know what can happen if it takes us too long? We end up alienating everyone with our self absorbed grief. I’m JUST relearning how to truly put others first again.

  9. If, hypothetically speaking, these people were my friends…
    I would encourage them both to read one of John Gray’s “Mars and Venus” books. As cliche as that phrase has become, there is a lot of wisdom there about the different ways that men and women are hardwired to deal with life. It has brought me a lot of clarity about how I can interact with people of the opposite sex in a way that is respectful of both our needs and has a positive outcome for both of us.

    As for not finishing things that are started – I’ve had two kinds of experiences: one where the man was terribly upset about his lack of performance, and one where the man shrugged it off. In the case where the man got upset, there was nothing he could say to me that would convince me that it wasn’t me. I was feeding on his upset. In the one where the man shrugged it off, it didn’t become a big issue for either of us. I could believe him when he said it wasn’t me because he wasn’t triggered when he said it, so I didn’t have to wonder if he was hiding something.

    You know, hypothetically and all….

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