Y’know, my relationship with Sunshine isn’t all wine and roses.
I’m not a big fan of wine, actually…but that’s not the point of this post.
And no, we’re not fighting. It’s not that type of post, either.
This whole long-distance relationship thing can really SUCK after awhile. And because Sunshine and I watched this movie over the weekend, thoughts of our situation crept back into my brain both Monday AND Tuesday and it was very tiring.
Y’see, the reality of our situation (as I’ve mentioned many times before) is that because of our children and our ex-spouses, we can’t move to the other’s city. And what makes it worse is that when we try to come up with possible solutions to our dilemma, we can’t find any.
At best, it’s going to be YEARS before we’re finally together…and that’s a really tough pill to swallow.
At this stage in the relationship, it looks like I’m probably going to be the one more likely to move…and I feel a bit of pressure because of it. I mean, I’m not being pressured by Sunshine or anything, I just feel like we could finally be together if I became that “every other weekend” dad that most single fathers are anyway.
But obviously I can’t do that. I see my son a couple of times every week outside of just our weekends together. I’m always around in case my ex needs a hand in some way. Just this week, for example, he’s staying overnight with me tonight and tomorrow night (before our normal weekend together) because she just purchased a small home of her own and is moving in this week. And y’know, I’m MORE than happy to have the extra time with him.
So clearly I cannot chose the wine in front of me.
Sunshine mentioned to me yesterday that the reason I haven’t fully embraced my new home and unpacked or decorated isn’t just because I was more occupied with my mom’s health, but rather because I was simply living here…waiting for the day that we’re eventually together. I’m uninspired to do anything.
And she’s right. It’s a very depressing situation when I really sit and think about it. Doing this…traveling every other weekend, not having any extra spending money, sleeping alone most nights…is going to be the norm for quite some time.
I think Sunshine said it best to me last night:
It’s like I only feel like I’m “living” when we’re together. The rest of the time I’m just waiting to live.
But at the end of the day, I couldn’t imagine my life without Sunshine in it. I couldn’t imagine not being in a love that most people never get to experience. I knew the risks of a long-distance relationship going into this, so I just have to suck it up because things aren’t changing any time soon.
I’m really looking forward to that eventual happy ending. It’s going to happen, folks…it simply has to.