Words can’t describe…

…just what this past week has been like for me.

Last week began with such an over-whelming feeling of loss and sadness that I wasn’t sure how things were going to go. As with most men, I tried to hold things inside…it’s just a “guy thing”, I think. But I also felt the need to be strong for my dad, who is continuing to go through an extremely rough time.

Thankfully, I have an unbelievable woman by my side. Sunshine is everything I could have ever dreamed of having in a life partner…and last week just went to confirm it.  Honestly, words can’t describe just how thankful I am to her for not only being there for me when I needed her the most, but being there for my dad when he needed a female presence to lean on and my sister (for whatever reason) didn’t want the job.  In fact, my dad (on numerous occasions) told me and his own friends that Sunshine was closer to him than his own daughter was (more on that later this week).

In addition, words can’t describe just how much of a weight came off my shoulders and my heavy heart once I completed reading my mom’s eulogy in front of over 300 people at the funeral. With the exception of a couple of times, I held it together long enough to read the entire eulogy without breaking down.  I looked out and saw friendly faces that I recognized…I looked out and saw tears…I looked out and saw Sunshine holding dad’s hand as I told the world about my mother. I know for a fact that mom would have been proud of me for what I did…and that was my main goal in reading it.

Words can’t describe the feeling I have after achieving the second goal I had: making my father proud.  I’ve mentioned multiple times over the years that my dad has never come out and said that he was proud of me.  Has he been?  Sure…but with the exception of my wedding day (and obviously that didn’t turn out too well) he’s never vocalized that he was ever proud of his son. Last week, he not only told me that he has never been prouder of me but he told…and continues to tell…anybody who would listen just how proud he was of me and the words I wrote and spoke about mom. He has printed off copies of the eulogy and has given them to friends. He attached the eulogy to an email to send to people who couldn’t make it to the wedding.  He even tells the story (as I heard him yesterday say it) of how a friend of his came up to him at the funeral and told him that he hadn’t known my mom very well but after hearing my eulogy felt as though he knew her a lot better. He gets choked up when he tells that story…and it’s an amazing feeling to know that my words have moved him in such a way.

Finally, I just don’t think words would do justice to the feeling of love and support I had from the online community last week. The multiple comments here on the blog…the two unexpected and totally beautiful blog posts from Tonya and Jolene…the multiple tweets and retweets…the unbelievable Facebook comments/emails/wall posts…I honestly can’t be thankful enough. On Friday morning, I attempted to email/message every single person who took the time to give a message of condolence to me…and if I’ve missed you, I sincerely apologize because believe me when I say that I went through each and every single message that was sent to me and it was very much appreciated.

So life is slowly getting back to normal.  Life does, indeed, go on.  And honestly, my hope is that as time goes on my words WILL be able to describe my life in a way that people find slightly interesting.

Onward and upward, my friends…

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3 thoughts on “Words can’t describe…

  1. Oh this post made me smile so big!

    I’m so happy to hear such peace in your words. So happy things went well… despite the circumstances. It’s sad that things have to happen in order to see/realize other things, but that’s how it worked for me too.

    ((big huge hugs))

  2. This post made me smile too! I am so glad you are feeling such an overwhelming sense of gratitude and peace. That is honestly the best end-result. And Sunshine, wow, she’s amazing, isn’t she? I LOVE how close she is to your father too, how touching. Onward, in peace. ((HUGS))

  3. This post is amazing in so many ways. I am so gald that you and Sunshine are so strong and amazing for each other. I hope that your dad is ok. I will think about him every day. You are an amazing man!

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