Fears

I’m afraid of my mom dying and leaving me.

I’m afraid of my mom living for weeks and weeks and suffering even longer.

I”m afraid that the anger that is building inside of me will result in me lashing out unnecessarily.

I’m afraid that i’ll become the person that I used to be…a person I never want to be come again.

I’m afraid that I’m not a good enough father to my son.

I’m afraid to call my daughter and tell her about her grandmother.

I’m afraid that when the time comes, I won’t know what to say.

I’m afraid for my dad, who will soon be alone for the first time in over 40 years.

I’m afraid of not being strong enough for him.

I’m afraid that I won’t be able to remain the person I’ve become at age 38…a person I have finally grown to like.

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7 thoughts on “Fears

  1. I think these are all normal fears, you are brave to verbalize them and even braver to face them.

    Keep processing, sharing and doing what you need to do, to stay well. We’re here, rooting for you and ready to listen.

  2. I agree. VERY good for you to put them out there.

    Secondly, you ARE NOT the same person you once were. You have a self-awareness now that perhaps you didn’t have before. The mere fact that you’re able to realize who you are, that you like who you are, that you’re afraid of regressing… that awareness is there and won’t go away.

    Be real through all of this. Of course you’re scared. You also need to realize your limitations & that you’re only human.

    Your dad will find resources to help him through this. You can be there for him too. Listen. Love. You don’t have to be strong. Be who you are. Be proud of you.

    Just be.

    Also, find sources of strength all around you. You don’t have to carry this alone. Pull strength from the resources mentioned in yesterday’s post. Pull strength from those that are offering support. Relax and allow yourself to be held up.

    We’re all holding you up.

  3. This post takes so much courage and yest there will be ugly moments, but putting this out there is great strides in the right direction. I am so sorry for what you are going through and yes it will be and is extremely tough.

  4. If you weren’t scared, that wouldn’t be normal. And to put it all out there, I agree, it takes someone STRONG to do that. You know who you are, who you don’t want to be and that level of self-awareness is invaluable. Hang tough…

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