I’m at a point now where the reality of my mom’s situation has really sunk in. After hearing that her cancer was terminal last week, I’ve really just been going through each day like a zombie…going through the motions and telling myself that I’ve come to terms with everything.
In reality, though, I hadn’t. It has hit me like a ton of bricks over the past couple of days, though…the reality of knowing my mom is dying is an extremely uncomfortable situation to go through. I feel like I want the waiting and the suffering to be over with.
But that’s the thing…I don’t know how to feel or if what I’m currently feeling is normal for someone just entering the grieving process. I don’t know if I should enjoy moments of laughter and happiness or if I should be able to go more than thirty minutes at work without constantly thinking about mom and her situation.
If I smile or laugh, I immediately feel guilty afterwards. Is that a normal feeling to have in this kind of situation?
So I guess I’m wondering where to turn in order to find out how others have felt going through the same thing. I mean, Sunshine has been an amazing support system for me (and yes…I realize that I should just “be” and there isn’t a set way I should be feeling…I love you, baby), but I want to take the next step in trying to make sure I’m mentally ready to handle all of this.
The last thing I want to do is withdraw from the woman I love and the only one I can trust.
I was given this link through work, but if anybody has other resources they’d like to share I’m all ears.