There’s nothing else they can do

Those were the horrific words that sadly came out of my father’s mouth on the phone yesterday afternoon at 5:23pm.

“There’s nothing else they can do.”

Mom

Turns out, there are four more tumors that are spreading throughout my mother’s body in some vital areas.  She has a tumor in each lung, one in her kidney, and one in the muscle of her thigh.  These, of course, are in addition to the cancer in her right leg, her spine, and her brain.

At this point the cancer is terminal…it’s just a matter of trying to find out how much longer she has.

Really, it’s also a matter of figuring out how my mom will end her days.  Dad and I are very emphatic in that we want her to come back to her home town instead of rotting in a hospital two hours away from any family or friends.  But other than that, we’re not sure how this is going to all work out.

Will she continue to require hospitalization?  Can she go to a nursing home instead? Are we looking at long-term care?

Unfortunately, I think I already know the answer to that last question. The doctors are under the impression that this will take over her sooner rather than later.  “Aggressive” is not a word you like to hear when you’re talking about cancer.

I’m trying to process this, but I’m not sure how to react.  So at this point, I’m just numb.  I’m typing as a way to just tell people, but I spent last night staring blankly at the walls…blankly at my computer screen…blankly at American Idol…like an unfeeling robot.

But I do feel…and I do hurt…but at this point I don’t know if it’s really sunk in yet.  I just don’t know what to do next or what to think.

I can talk to Sunshine…she’s my anchor.  I can talk to my dad…he needs me as he’s an absolute mess.  I just don’t know if I really want to talk to anybody else…in person, at least.

My son isn’t going to be able to grow up knowing his grandmother’s love as his father did.  He’ll never be able to say, “Man…I loved when Nany made biscuits.”  Just simple things that I was quite fortunate to be able to experience with my grandmothers.

Fuck…she hasn’t even seen my new home yet.

She’ll never know if her oldest son…the only child of three that she had that wasn’t adopted…was able to pull his life together and find happiness and success and all of the things that she wanted him to find.

She could have weeks.  She could have months.

Fuck.

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20 thoughts on “There’s nothing else they can do

  1. 😥

    This made me cry. I’m sooo sooo sorry. My dad lived his final days at home with his wife taking care of him & hospice visits to the house. They will give her morphine for the pain. Oh, CBG…

    (((hugs)))

  2. Fuck is right. I’m sorry. I wish there was something, ANYTHING, I could to do take some of it away. Try to make the best decisions you can, with the information given. She is clearly very loved.

    Sending strength and grace.

  3. I almost didn’t open this because I knew what you were going to say…I am so sorry for your and your family. I agree, bring her home and relive the memories, maybe even video tape or record her voice if she is concerned how she looks for you and your children to listen to for years to come. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong for your parents and kids but lean on Sunshine as much as you can, it is nice to have someone at the rough times.

  4. So sorry to hear this.I have both a neighbour and a friend going through this right now, bring her home if possible, you’ll be thankful you did. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. i’m so, so, so sorry to read this. my thoughts are with you and your family. i hope you are able to arrange good home hospice care for your mom. i agree, a hospital is no place anyone should spend their last days.

  6. (Teary) CaNook, I can not even begin to empathize with what you are going through. I hope Depot Dad is up there looking out for your mom when her time arrives. I hope it’s peaceful for everyone, you included.

    Much love,

    QT

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