I just don’t get it.
I don’t quite understand why The Universe is toying with my family the way it is. I’m not sure why we can feel “up” one day and then slammed the next with bad news, but it’s getting pretty frickin’ tired.
Just as mom was starting to get a little bit better, The Universe seems to have other plans.
I visited my mom on Saturday and Sunday with Sunshine and things seemed to be going well. She was tired and lonely and confined to her bed, but things were looking okay in terms of her diagnosis.
Then I received the following email from my dad late last night.
“Your mom has been in and out of herself but today, she wasn’t too bad. Like we discussed on Saturday, last week’s CT scan showed her femur was detaching itself from the metal in her leg. The doctors confirmed today that the cancer has attacked the lower portion of what femur she has left. So on Friday, she will undergo the 4th operation on her leg, removing the remainder of her femur and part of her hip and replacing it with metal. She still needs a disc in her back replaced because of the cancer has eaten thru all of the bone in that area. That was going to be done in the next two weeks but now I am not sure when that will happen. It depends on her surviving this next operation. Give me a call.”
So that hit me like a ton of bricks. The doctors almost lost her three times during the last operation and now she needs yet another one, and it’s pretty major. In addition, the ruptured disc in her back still needs to be operated on…and that’s also another scary procedure.
I’m really nervous about how Friday’s operation is going to go.
I just hate how there seems to be peaks and valleys with her health. As cold as it may sound, I’d prefer if she was in a coma than to have to see her wasting away in a hospital bed…totally unhappy and desperately lonely because she’s two hours away from her husband and three hours away from her son.
Cancer knows no age or race or sex. Cancer is completely unbiased in who it decides to attack. Cancer has attacked my family a couple of times and has won so far.
Cancer can fuck right off.