1. I don’t make very much of it.
2. I’m not very good at handling the money I actually make.
Over the past year, my phone and internet service has been shut off twice due to late payments. I’ve ended up getting things turned back on after a couple of weeks, but it didn’t prevent the situation from initially happening.
It’s my own fault. I put my fiscal responsibilities elsewhere and I don’t put them where they need to be.
It’s happening again where I’ll be taking another “break” for a couple of weeks. It sucks and it’s my own fault. What’s worse is that it’s now adversely affecting my long-distance relationship.
I don’t like telling Sunshine about my financial issues. I don’t want to worry her about where I’m at financially because we have enough on our plate and I don’t want her thinking that she’s the cause of any of my money problems. I know that things will eventually turn around for me, with Step One being when I finally sell my home. But until then, I’m going to continue to be financially strapped.
It’s a pretty crappy vicious circle. I don’t want money issues to affect my relationship with Sunshine, but yet the relationship ends up getting affected because of money issues.
I wish I was better with my limited finances. I wish I could create a budget and stick to it. I know I need to make changes but for whatever reason I just procrastinate and let things slide until it’s too late to fix.
This isn’t a plea for funds. This isn’t a “woe is me” type of post. This is simply me trying to apologize to the woman I love for putting us in yet another uncomfortable position.
I mean…she is the woman I want to live the rest of my life with. And here I am making what’s already a difficult situation even worse. I’ve got nobody to blame but myself and I don’t understand why I continue to make the same stupid mistakes.
In the back of my head, I think I truly believe that something good will magically happen and I’ll be able to crawl out of this hole I dug for myself. But the problem is that every time I dig myself out a little bit, I sit back and think “that’s enough” and then I fall right back in again.
I need to stop this. I need to become more fiscally responsible…for my sake, for the sake of my relationship, and for the sake of my kids.
I’m 38 years old. It’s time I started acting like it.