I Need To Slow Down (part two)

Sometimes life can rush at you at 100mph. Sometimes you can feel a bit out of control with things seemingly spinning all over the place. Sometimes…especially around the holidays…everything can seem to move so fast you feel like you’ll never be able to catch up.

I’ve decided that over the next month I need to slow down. I need to slow down in a good number of things, actually. But I think I need to break things down so I can really look at what I need to work on in order for my life to continue on this amazing path.  Well, last time I talked about my sex life.  This time it’s something different. Today, it being the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend and all (please…I can’t be the only one still full from turkey), I thought I’d take a look at concentrating on the following…

Eat Slowly

This is more about really examining my entire diet than just about chewing my food in twice the time. I’ve tried to just alter my eating habits and it hasn’t really worked out for me. I’m not gaining any, but I’m far from losing what I want to lose.

So in January, a group of us at work are participating in a “Biggest Loser” contest (the new “polite way” to say we’re having a weight-loss competition). Why January and not now? Well…I know my limitations and realize that Christmas will be a TERRIBLE time to try and stay on a diet.  Might as well get going once the holidays are over.

In the meantime, though, I am going to eat slower. No, it’s not just some wive’s tale, either.

Y’see, nerve endings called stretch receptors line our stomachs. When our stomachs are packed with turkey and all the trimmings, the receptors to our brains tell us that we’re full…hence we don’t continue to eat until we explode or turn into the “gluttony dude” from Se7en.

But here’s the thing:

“There’s a time lag between the signal and the translation of the message by the brain.”David Katz, M.D., director of the Yale-Griffin Prevention Research Center.

What does this mean?  It means that we keep on eating even if we’re, technically, already full.

C’mon…you know the feeling, we’ve all been there. You’ve just finished a huge meal and when you’re finally finished you feel like your pants will explode. Your stomach is sore and you feel just a tinge of guilt for eating so much. I think we’ve all had one of those meals (I’ve had more than my fair share).  And just think: if we had just slowed down a bit while eating, it could have made all the difference in the world.

“Research done at the University of Rhode Island at Kingston found that, on average, people who ate slowly consumed almost 70 fewer calories per meal than those ate quickly.”Men’s Health

It’s scientifically proven that you can actually cut down on calories by eating slowly, ESPECIALLY towards the tend of a meal.

So if I’m going to drop the 15 pounds I want to lose in January, my first step is to stop gorging myself and to just take my time. So what if my meal gets cold? I’d rather eat cold good food than hot good food with 70 more calories.

Well…at least that’s what I’m going to try and tell myself.

Well…you never say never.

Bah…got nothing to really talk about.


Of course…

  • Looking forward to another awesome weekend with Ankle Biter. I put up an empty Christmas tree yesterday (what…too soon?) and I’m really looking forward to decorating it with him tonight. The neighbors across the street (the ones who went all ape-shit at Halloween) already have Christmas lights up on their house, so I’m anticipating him being excited about decorations and Christmas in general. He’s already saying, “ho ho ho” but I’m not sure if he’s aware of the whole Santa Claus thing yet. He’s three, so I’m sure it’s coming.
  • Adam Lambert is all over the place lately.
    Adam Lambert

    And much like, say, Amy Winehouse…he’s not in the news for his music. And to me, that’s the biggest shame. He says that he didn’t want to offend anybody. Bullshit. He wanted to make a spectacle of himself and be as outlandish and outrageous as he possibly could be. Well guess what, Adam? It worked. Now EVERYBODY is talking about you…only it’s not all positive. And to suggest it’s discrimination is just silly. You acted like a tool; you’re being treated like a tool. It’s too bad that right out of the gate you’ve decided to make your music take backstage, because that’s the reason you were popular to begin with. I predict that unless some major damage control is done, you’ll be performing alongside Justin Guarini & Fantasia very, very soon.

  • There’s a slight possibility that Rugrat might not come to visit me over the holidays. At this point, her mom hasn’t scheduled a flight yet and is complaining about lack of money. I can’t give her too hard a time because I’m in a very similar financial situation. But still…I’m hoping something changes and FAST.
  • What Christmas present do you buy the parent that buys themselves everything they want and/or need? I’ve done the whole “picture of the family” thing for two years running now…so that tank is empty. Dang.
  • I haven’t watched Sex Rehab yet, but I’m eerily drawn towards it. I’m sure it’s terrible, but I’m a sucker for train-wreck reality television.
  • Is it wrong that I’ve made the occassional marriage reference to Sunshine over the past couple of weeks? I mean, it’s not like I’ll be asking any time soon (living in the same city might be a step in that direction, though)…but I’m just so confident that I’ve found “the one” that I like to drop a wedding reference or two here and there. Is that fair to her? Should I just not say anything at all? I told myself I’d never get married again. I’ve since learned that you never say never.

One lucky Canuck

I’m Canadian (I know…shocker considering the name I go by around these parts), so technically I celebrated Thanksgiving last month.

But I work for an American company and, hence, work American holidays. That means I’m celebrating Thanksgiving today and tomorrow. So I figured what better time than now to really sit back and think about what I’m thankful for…



True love. I don’t think I can put it any better than that. If nothing else, the past few days have really helped cement the love that I have for Sunshine and the amazing relationship that we share. I’m asked at work if what we share now is better than what happened before we split up in February. I can’t tell them emphatically enough that it’s worlds different. I’m different…she’s different…and what we went through has only made us realize just how lucky and fortunate we are to be able to share our lives and love with each other. We wouldn’t be where we are right now if not for going through what we went through. It’s truly amazing…and so is she.



My son. Ankle Biter has given me more joy than I can adequately describe. When he was a baby, he was colicky. I even ended up having panic attacks because I didn’t know how to handle the poor guy. But once I had to become a single dad, I slowly came around. Now? Now I couldn’t imagine a single week without having him in my life at some point. “The Terrible 2’s”?? Didn’t happen. “The Terrible 3’s”?? Nope…nothing yet. This kid is a thousand shades of awesome and I couldn’t be more proud or thankful to have him in my life. And as he grows older, I can’t wait to remind him of that repeatedly. He’s incredible.



My daughter. I made a lot of mistakes with Rugrat as she was a baby growing into a toddler. I’m constantly trying to learn how to be a long-distance single father to an amazing soon-to-be 11-year-old. I know that these mistakes has cost me a closer relationship than I’ve got now, but whenever I talk to her or see her I do my absolute best to let her know just how important she is to me. The day I watched her come into the world, I knew I wanted to be a better person. It’s been a continuous struggle ever since, but it’s a battle I feel like I’m finally winning and she’s a major part of that. She’s awesome.

My health. I’m not the fittest of men, that’s for sure. But at this point in my life I don’t have any major health issues. I need to drop a few pounds but otherwise I’m getting by just fine. If you’ve got your health, you can’t really complain.


The Parents: October '08

My parents. Two years ago I almost lost my mom. I’m thankful every single day that she’s still with me. I’m also thankful for the much-improved relationship I now have with my father. With a combination of my maturing and his mellowing, we get along pretty good now…and that’s something that really didn’t take place for about 30 years. I’m now so very appreciative for having my parents in my life.

A roof over my head. It’s not the greatest roof, but it’s one that I live under. I’m not out on the streets, and for that I’m very thankful.

My job. It’s not the greatest job, but it’s one I enjoy doing. Maybe one day I’ll be able to combine financial security with job satisfaction, but until that day I need to take stock in the positives…and enjoying my work and the people I work with is definitely a positive.

My blog. I initially began blogging to impress a girl. I then used blogging to help cope with the world around me. Now blogging is a joy…a passion…a way to provide myself therapy and meet new people. I know I’m a decent writer, so having this creative outlet has really been a blessing for me. I don’t know what my life would be like now if I hadn’t started blogging in 2008.

My readers. Bloggers, for the most part, are a close-knit community. The vast majority of people who comment on my blog are bloggers that I read on a weekly basis (and yes…I know I need to comment more in order to let you know I’m reading). The comments and emails and post links from other bloggers are awesome, and I truly believe that I’ve made some friends through writing. So I’m definitely thankful to all of you. If it weren’t for you, this page might as well be blank.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.


Soul, meet mate

This post is a year in the making.

It was a normal November evening one year ago when I received an unusual friend request on my Facebook page. It was from a name I didn’t recognize…at all. But I accepted it because a note attached to the request said that she read my blog…so I figured it couldn’t be such a bad thing. After I accepted the friend request, a message then arrived in my inbox: 

“Glad to see that my friend request wasn’t creepy.   🙂

Yes, I *do* worry about those kinds of things. heh”

My response?


No…it wasn’t creepy at all.


😉 “

And thus began a 90+ message frenzy that was the beginning of something very special.

I wish I could say something like, “Little did I realize that one year later blah blah blah…” but I can’t. Why? Well, quite frankly, I knew from the very beginning that she was “the one”. I know that sounds crazy, and for a little bit I almost scared Sunshine away…but the fact of the matter is that I’ve known from the very beginning.

From our first couple of messages it was quite clear that there was a connection. As those couple of messages turned into couple of DOZEN messages, and the hours turned into days turning into weeks, I absolutely knew that this girl was special. That what we shared wasn’t just a “shooting the breeze” type of friendship or relationship.

And y’know what? I was thinking about making this post one great big “swoon-fest of mushiness”…I mean, it’s our one-year anniversary, after all. But I’m going to try to hold off a bit.

Actions speak louder than words, and there are very few words that I can say that can show Sunshine I love her more than I do on a daily basis. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman…and once we figure out a way to work through this whole 3-hour long-distance relationship thing, I’m certain that we will.

She makes me feel like I’ve never felt before: truly, unabashadly, unapologetically, gloriously happy. It’s not just “walking on the clouds”, either. It’s deeper than that. MUCH deeper.

This woman is my soulmate.

And I know it’s probably cliche to toss that word around, but so be it. It’s true. As cheesy as it may sound, she completes me. She is the woman I’ve been searching for my entire life. And we’ve battled through quite a bit of diversity over this past year in order to be together…and I don’t think either one of us would change a single thing.

The obstacles that we’ve had to overcome during the past year have made us realize just how great of a thing we have together. Because we’ve fought and scratched and clawed our way to happiness, we don’t take anything that we share for granted.

Not a single moment.

So as we spend this anniversary together, I’d like to reflect back on the year…OUR year…in pictures. I’m sure you’ll see one constant in these pictures…





…our love.


Happy anniversary, baby.xox


I Need To Slow Down (part one)

Sometimes life can rush at you at 100mph. Sometimes you can feel a bit out of control with things seemingly spinning all over the place. Sometimes…especially around the holidays…everything can seem to move so fast you feel like you’ll never be able to catch up.

Well, I’ve decided that over the next month I need to slow down. I need to slow down in a good number of things, actually. But I think I need to break things down so I can really look at what I need to work on in order for my life to continue on this amazing. So today, I’ll take a look at concentrating on the following…


Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that over the course of my lifetime I’ve never been one to thoroughly enjoy foreplay. I mean…I’m a dude. Most dudes don’t enjoy foreplay most of the time. And please know I’m stressing “most” because there are absolutely a ton of exceptions to the rule. When I’m with Sunshine, I feel like I *want* to take my time. I love exploring her…ALL of her. But I’ll freely admit that there are times where I should be taking my time but put my immediate needs in front of hers.

So I’m going to concentrate on taking my time.

It’s scientifically proven that most women prefer slower sex from beginning to end…from the initial teasing kiss to the passionate climax. I know that I can’t just grab and pinch and smack every single time we’re together (although that certainly is fun from time to time). No, I need to slow down my fingers and tongue action…I really need to *take in* Sunshine. I mean, seeing each other every two weeks normally ends up in us ripping each other’s clothes off on multiple occassions in a 48 hour span, so this would be a nice change of pace.

And from the research I’ve done (what…doesn’t everybody look this stuff up??), a slower penetration and withdrawal often leads to more stimulation for both a woman’s G-spot and her clitoris. And just by experience, if I slow down and control my breathing at just the right time, I can delay my orgasm and thus make the whole experience last longer for the both of us.


That’ll be tough, though. I’m sure I’m not the only man alive who has a difficult time stopping himself at “almost finishing” without turning it into “done” in a matter of seconds. Guys don’t normally think straight right at the point of orgasm. At that exact moment, the “little head” takes over. So it’s all fine and dandy to say I’d like to stop myself from having an orgasm, but something like that is easier said than done.

And y’know what? I’m going to make a concentrated effort to cuddle afterwards. Yes, Sunshine…you heard that correctly. CUDDLE. And y’know what else? I’m going to try to cuddle WITHOUT FALLING ASLEEP.

Easier said than done. 

And just why is that, anyway?  Glad you asked!  I found some scientific explanations

  1. First, the obvious reasons for sex’s somnolent sway: the act frequently takes place at night, in a bed, and is, after all, physically exhausting (often more so for the man than the woman, although this certainly varies). So when sex is over, it’s natural for a guy to feel sleepy.
  2. Secondly, research using positron emission tomography (PET) scans has shown that in order for a person to reach orgasm, a primary requirement is to let go of “all fear and anxiety.” Doing so also tends to be relaxing and might explain the tendency to snooze.
  3. Then there is the biochemistry of the orgasm itself. Research shows that during ejaculation, men release a cocktail of brain chemicals, including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin. The release of prolactin is linked to the feeling of sexual satisfaction, and it also mediates the “recovery time” that men are well aware of—the time a guy must wait before “giving it another go.” Studies have also shown that men deficient in prolactin have faster recovery times.
  4. Prolactin levels are naturally higher during sleep, and animals injected with the chemical become tired immediately. This suggests a strong link between prolactin and sleep, so it’s likely that the hormone’s release during orgasm causes men to feel sleepy.   (Side note: prolactin also explains why men are sleepier after intercourse than after masturbation. For unknown reasons, intercourse orgasms release four times more prolactin than masturbatory orgasms, according to a recent study.)

Wow…that’s a lot to take in (#thatswhatshesaid), but I’m just trying to show that men aren’t just lazy. There are, in fact, scientific reasons for the whole “falling asleep while cuddling” situation.

Of course, this whole “slowing down in the romance department” could be because we’re celebrating our one-year anniversary next week.  Hmmmm….

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that I know that sex is one of the greatest things going on in my life right now…even if it is a bit infrequent. And because I’m in love as much as I am, I want this to be about more than just sex. This needs to be ROMANCE. 

This needs to last.

Cheesy AND Impractical

Don’t have much time for a full blog post, but thought I’d throw a few updates your way…

  1. Ankle Biter still isn’t talking in full words. It’s becoming increasingly frustrating…not only to his mother and me, but definitely to him. He yaps and tries to tell us stories, but we don’t hear anything but indecipherable ramblings. We’re being as patient as possible and we’re doing our best to help him sound out words and pronounce properly, but it’s not going that well. It’s more frustrating because he can understand 90% of what we say to him. It’ll come, I know…but it’s still frustrating.
  2. QT Mama smells. Well…after Tuesday’s “pick on CBG-athon”, that’s the only negative thing I can think of to say about her.  I suppose I could say worse, but I won’t.  Bears, QT…that’s all you need to know. BEARS!
  3. Rugrat almost contracted H1N1. To make a long story short, she was exposed to someone who tested positive. Her mom emailed me and told me that she tested negative, but for 48 hours it was still pretty scary. Even after this scare, her mom still doesn’t want to give Rugrat the vaccination shot. That’s okay with me, I guess…I’m going with her gut on this. But I had fears at night of something happening to her and me not being able to be with her. It was brief, but that feeling of helplessness was horrible. I can’t wait to spend the holidays with her.
  4. Five nights. That’s how long Sunshine will be staying with me starting tomorrow night. I can’t adequately explain just how happy this makes me. There are times where a weekend just isn’t enough…not NEARLY enough. So to be able to spend some quality time together (even if I’m working two of the days she’s here) is just something I can’t take for granted.
  5. Oh yeah…the anniversary. (heh) Our one-year anniversary takes place on November 24th, which is when I accepted her random (and fairly anonymous) Facebook request and we ended up having a 90-message conversation that we both still have readily available. So kinda a first date of sorts. Luckily, we’ll both be together on the anniversary and I’m sure it’ll be a special night. I never thought I’d feel like this again after I separated from The Ex. She absolutely is one in a million.
  6. I’ve got NOTHING for Christmas gifts at this point. Well…I’ve got one gift for Sunshine but that’s it thus far. I’m getting more upset by the day. BAH!
  7. I know it’s cheesy…I know it’s impractical…I know it’s probably a huge waste of money…but I absolutely NEED to get myself a Slap Chop.