When it rains…

200236712-001I think you can really find out who your friends are when a relationship ends.  

I was really hurt after my marriage ended because it really felt like the majority of the friends that we shared had decided to “go with her”.  Don’t get me wrong…they didn’t abandon me or tell me to f*ck off or anything…they just kinda drifted away; around to occassionally say “hello” if I bumped into them.

After the separation I really drifted off into a funk.  It was weird because a week after we separated I had to go to Houston for four weeks to train for the new job that I had.  So after trying to find myself…”the real me”…down in Texas (no, it didn’t work), I came back wanting to distance myself from the world.   I didn’t want to talk to anybody.  I didn’t want to socialize with anybody.  I didn’t want to be with anybody.  I just wanted to find comfort somehow…but the friends that I thought were really close to me weren’t around for support.

Guys who were on my bachelor party…the two guys who were “co-MC’s” at the wedding…the couple who used to live with the ex-wife and I at one point as roommates…all of them were nowhere to be found.  I’d get the “we should hang around sometime” comment every once in awhile, but that was it.  It was a painful experience.

So I tried turning to my friends back home…the place where I grew up and the friends I’ve had since elementary school.  I went back there for support…for comfort…for empathy…for friendship.

I didn’t get it.

My best friend…the guy who had been by my side since the sixth grade…berated me.  He chastized me for “letting things fail”.  He was borderline pissed off at me, to be honest.  And my ‘other’ best friend…also a friend since the sixth grade…even went so far as to question whether or not I was ever in love with her.

As you can imagine, this threw me into a bigger funk.  A BIG-TIME funk.  I was devestated by this reaction and it has absolutely affected my friendship with them in the two years since.

I bring this all up again because I broke up with K last week.  People seemed really happy for us during the relationship and we were really happy and things just didn’t work out for a myriad of reasons.  Because we were very public with our affection, we had basically proclaimed to the world that we loved each other on Facebook.  Lame to some, fun to others…we decided we were “unapologetic attention whores” very early on and just wanted to tell the world how happy we were.

Once we split up on Friday, one of the first things that we did was update our “status” to show that we were both single and no longer in a relationship.  Again…it sounds lame when I write it, but it’s just something that is out there and it’s what we did.

Little did I anticipate the reaction I would receive.

People commented on the update, telling me how sorry they were to hear about it.  “Hang in there.”  “Sorry to hear that.”  “Sorry about that.”  “The right one is out there.”  Then the emails came in:  “I feel so bad.”  “I know how life can be so crazy.”  “I hope you’re okay.

The friends in my life…the REAL friends…were beginning to show their true colors.  Then I got to work today: “I saw on Facebook…you okay?” “How are you?”  “How you doin’?” “I’m here for you.

It’s really been a night and day scenario.  And with all due respect, this 3-month relationship wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as my marriage was…so this has all been a learning experience for myself.  I know who my friends are…and I was actually a little surprised by the whole experience.

Hell…I even had somebody flirt with me via email.  I hadn’t been in a relationship in almost two years before this, and now…two days after breaking up with somebody I openly claimed that I loved…I’m actually getting hit on.


When it rains, it pours.


8 thoughts on “When it rains…

  1. My ex feels abandoned by our mutual friends. A few of them have reached out to him though. He feels uncomfortable because he is afraid of judgement. A very good friend from his past told him to grow up when he found out about the separation, ouch!

    It’s true, people can be very shitty when you need them the most.

    But aren’t we fortunate to have this wonderful medium at our hands?

    1. I understand the feeling of not wanting to be judged. With my marriage, it was just a case of two people falling out of love with each other until all that was left was two friends sharing a child together. I was in constant fear of how others would see me…especially after the reactions of my “best friends”.

      I wish I had taken advantage of this medium at that time. This truly is an amazing way to learn and grow and grieve and heal. While very public, it’s also a close community.

      Thank goodness for blogging!

  2. Oh honey… I’m so sorry! I haven’t been here in a while and I had no idea you just broke up…

    Man, it seems like weird things are happening in the cosmos or something. Broken hearts everywhere…

    I so know what you mean about just wanting to be supported but it seems like the people you’d expect support from, are no where to be found.

    ((hugs)) to you. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

    (and I’m adding you to my blog roll so that I can keep up!)

    1. I appreciate the kind words, T. Thanks. 🙂

      I’m doing well. My son really lifted my spirits over the weekend and my friends really supported me, too. With the impending visit of my daughter, I’ll have all the good times I need to help me get through and move on in a healthy way.

  3. I had a similar experience after my divorce – mutual friends didn’t want to pick sides, so they sort of drifted off. Yet somehow my ex drifted back into their lives a lot more quickly and more often than me. I’m just sayin’…

    Cool that Facebook support came your way!

    1. That’s exactly what happened to me, too. Jeez…sometimes you feel like you’re the only one experiencing these things. I’m so glad to have found blogs of people who are sharing or who have shared similar experiences.

  4. What a fantastic blog you have going here Canadian Bald Guy and isn’t your daughter just the little beauty? I know that you must be so very proud!!
    When you have a moment or two to waste, please drop by for a little visit with me at my bloggy spot and say hello.
    Take good care and…….

    Steady On
    Reggie Girl

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