To break a heart…

broken-heartI thought everything was great.  Sunshine and I were so psyched going into our week-long adventure as a “real” couple…it seemed like there was so much to do and so little time to do it all.

We are considered an LDR…long-distance relationship.  It’s only a 3-hour trip, but it’s significant enough because I’ve got a 2-year-old son who lives in my city with his mom and she’s got two girls who split time between her and their father in her city.

This time together was supposed to not be a “honeymoon phase”, but rather be a test…a way for us to find out what it was like to actually be a “normal couple” for a change, and we were excited about it.

Needless to say, things haven’t turned out as we had expected.

In the interest of privacy, I’m certainly not going to go into details.  But I made the decision today to end the relationship and not only was it not an easy decision to make, it was even more difficult to explain the reasons behind it.

I think the bottom line is that I’m not ready.  The end.

Okay…not quite “the end”, but that pretty much sums it up.  There is an emotional and mental commitment required in a serious relationship…it’s required more in some cases than it is in others.  In this case, I’m simply unable to provide the emotional and mental dedication that this amazing woman needs from me.

I feel horrible about it.  I mean, I love the woman.  She’s awesome in every way.  But there were a couple of days over this past week that really shed light on where I am emotionally and where I need to be in order for any relationship to truly work.

Enough time had passed since my marriage ended for me to give love a shot.  It had almost been two years.  I was ready, willing, and able to try.  And once I stood back and looked at things, the end result was me just not being ready after all.

I wish I could explain it better…I wish I didn’t have to sound so selfish…but it is what it is.  I broke her heart today, and I feel terrible about it.

But I’ve got my son with me this weekend and my daughter flies in for two weeks next Friday…and they need my love and attention and my 100% emotional investment.

So I’m going to do my best to wipe the tears from my eyes and be strong for my kids, because they need their father more than he needs to mourn a lost relationship.


18 thoughts on “To break a heart…

  1. I don’t think you should feel sorry, I mean yeah you broke-up her heart, but you would’ve made it harder living like that, made it harder for you in the first place if you waited for a longer time to make the last step in this relationship.

    Now just live your life and take care of your kids…)))

    1. Well, because I still care for her very much I do feel very sorry. Yes, it’s better to realize things now and not in six or twelve months…but I still feel bad about having to do it.

      But you’re right…my kids need to be my top priority right now. They’re my everything.

      Thanks for the comment.

  2. I don’t know if she thinks it’s courageous. But really, I don’t think I realized just how much of *me* the relationship would take until this past week, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

    Obviously, it would have been better if I had realized my limitations sooner…but where this is the first relationship I’ve had since my marriage ended, I guess I didn’t know exactly where my head was at.

    At least I do now.

  3. Awww. I definitely understand how you feel. I felt very selfish in the relationship I was just in and let it go on far too long (although I did try to explain that I wasn’t ready). I don’t think I realized quite how “not ready” I was until it slapped me in the face. One day when she is about to marry someone she truly loves and adores (and vice versa), she will be thanking you for having the heart not to drag this out unnecessarily. Still, it sucks right now. I’m sorry for you. 😦

  4. PT-LawMom — I hope she doesn’t harbor too much resentment. She’s a wonderful person and I wish her nothing but the best. It does suck right now…but life will go on.

    MSML — Thanks for the hug. It’s very much appreciated.

  5. 😦

    This post helps me to understand some things better. Thanks for offering your perspective on what it means to love someone but realize that you can’t make a relationship work.

    Hope you’re allowing yourself to mourn.

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