I thought everything was great. Sunshine and I were so psyched going into our week-long adventure as a “real” couple…it seemed like there was so much to do and so little time to do it all.
We are considered an LDR…long-distance relationship. It’s only a 3-hour trip, but it’s significant enough because I’ve got a 2-year-old son who lives in my city with his mom and she’s got two girls who split time between her and their father in her city.
This time together was supposed to not be a “honeymoon phase”, but rather be a test…a way for us to find out what it was like to actually be a “normal couple” for a change, and we were excited about it.
Needless to say, things haven’t turned out as we had expected.
In the interest of privacy, I’m certainly not going to go into details. But I made the decision today to end the relationship and not only was it not an easy decision to make, it was even more difficult to explain the reasons behind it.
I think the bottom line is that I’m not ready. The end.
Okay…not quite “the end”, but that pretty much sums it up. There is an emotional and mental commitment required in a serious relationship…it’s required more in some cases than it is in others. In this case, I’m simply unable to provide the emotional and mental dedication that this amazing woman needs from me.
I feel horrible about it. I mean, I love the woman. She’s awesome in every way. But there were a couple of days over this past week that really shed light on where I am emotionally and where I need to be in order for any relationship to truly work.
Enough time had passed since my marriage ended for me to give love a shot. It had almost been two years. I was ready, willing, and able to try. And once I stood back and looked at things, the end result was me just not being ready after all.
I wish I could explain it better…I wish I didn’t have to sound so selfish…but it is what it is. I broke her heart today, and I feel terrible about it.
But I’ve got my son with me this weekend and my daughter flies in for two weeks next Friday…and they need my love and attention and my 100% emotional investment.
So I’m going to do my best to wipe the tears from my eyes and be strong for my kids, because they need their father more than he needs to mourn a lost relationship.