Tag Archives: single dad

Doing Something Right

To some parents, it might have seemed to be a “throw away” comment. It could have been something that made them smile,  maybe something they even shrugged off and took for granted.

I, for one, do whatever I can to NOT take things for granted.

I took Ankle Biter to a birthday party on Saturday afternoon. It was taking place at a local game store, where they have a room set-up to play classic Nintendo video games like Super Mario Bros, Yoshi, and Kirby. The birthday boy’s parents said that he was in good hands and suggested I return in a couple of hours, once pizza and Pepsi and video games had all been served to the kids.

I left, knowing that my son would only drink water (he won’t drink soda) and would probably get bored at the non-Halo related gaming systems set-up throughout the room. When I returned, I would not only be pleasantly surprised, but I’d be told something that totally made my weekend.

I saw that my son was playing Kirby, and had been happily playing these “old-school” games for the past two hours. He, as expected, decided to drink water and not the soda. He ate pepperoni pizza even though he usually only eats pizza with ground beef on it. He wasn’t bouncing off of the walls like some of the other kids in attendance.

A mom then came over to me and asked me if the child in front of me was mine. I smiled and said, “yes”. She then proceeded to gush. Not just gush, but REALLY gush about how awesome this child was. He was the most polite out of the bunch, he was the friendliest out of the bunch, and he was simply the “cutest” out of the bunch. At one point during pizza, when all of the children were at their most hyper, my son actually RAISED HIS HAND to ask a parent a question. Because of all of this, the mom in question told me that she really wanted to take him home with her; that’s just how awesome she thought he was.

I was, as you would expect, beaming. I mean, I’ve heard that before from people and I’ve just sat there smiling. But there was just something about this particular time that made me really think about how I’ve done as a parent, how his mother has done, and how his babysitter has done over the course of his six years.

We’ve all done something right in raising our kid. Yes, I consider the three of us as the primary influencers…not just one or even two of us.

Me, of course, as the father who constantly wants to make-up for previous mistakes with his now-teenaged daughter. I do whatever I can to make sure my son knows how much I love him and how proud I am of him…things I never got from my own dad growing up.  I always do my best to provide him with positive reinforcement and I parent him the best way that I can…trying to help shape him into becoming a great man.

My ex has been the unbelievable mother that I knew she’d be. Do I agree with all of her parental choices? No, but she’s obviously doing something right…so you will never hear me say a bad word about her or her ability to parent our son.

The babysitter has looked after Ankle Biter for five years now, and a lot of his growth and development can be attributed to her. And really, her influence on him really shouldn’t be forgotten or discounted…she as done a fantastic job and has ended up being a third parent to him.

All in all, we’re doing something right. And I couldn’t be more proud.


Sleepless Weekends

Y’know, I was part of a long-distance relationship for three-and-a-half years. I’ve been sleeping alone for the majority of that time plus two-and-a-half years prior to that once I separated from my wife. It kinda sucked, but it was simply something I had gotten used to over the course of the last six years.

When I moved to live with Sunshine two months ago (it’s still hard to believe that I actually did that), I found that sleeping next to somebody on a nightly basis was the most comforting thing possible. I mean, it wasn’t just “comfortable”, it was “comforting”. It was like every night was the best sleep I’d ever had.

Now my long-distance relationship is with my son. We talk twice a week via video-chat (which seems to be working out extremely well, actually) and I’m visiting him every other weekend. It’s during these times, though, that I’m having the worst sleeps I can remember having.

I can’t fall asleep until midnight or later. I toss and I turn. I wake up repeatedly over the course of the night. I get up in the morning tired, sore, and achy. From top to bottom, it’s one horrible, sleepless weekend after another.

I certainly don’t want to sound like I’m complaining too much, though…I’d take sleepless nights in return for hanging with my son any day of the week. It’s just that I want to emphasize just how much I’ve adapted to living (and sleeping) in Sunshine’s city.

I was talking with my dad this weekend and we discussed how things were going with me so far. He asked me how I liked living in Sunshine’s city. I told him, point blank, that moving to be with her was the greatest decision I’ve ever made in my life.

Sleepless weekends be damned. This was the right move to make.


“I’m not gonna like your new girlfriend.”

I got an awesome “out of the blue” phone call from my daughter last night. It wasn’t anything more than a quick “Hi, how are you doing?” type of phone call. The type of phone call that I never would have had just three short years ago…when this post was originally written.

Y’see, my life has obviously changed dramatically over the past three years. Along with the relationship change is the improved relationship I’ve developed with my daughter, which makes me one happy father. In fact, she and I have even discussed her staying with this new blended family the entire summer in 2013!  So here is a glimpse of just how incredibly far my relationship with my daughter (and, in turn, Sunshine’s relationship with my daughter) has come.

It’s one more reason why I know I’ve made the right decision to move here with her…

**********

Rugrat & IMy daughter called me a couple of times yesterday to wish me a happy birthday. The conversations had been jovial and fun-spirited. In fact, her mom called me to say that The Rugrat had just gotten her first zit…on her nose…as a way to kinda embarass Rugrat a bit (in a fun way). So with the pleasantries going on, I thought it would be safe to discuss my relationship with Sunshine.

Y’see, I’ve never introduced anyone other than The Ex to Rugrat…I’ve always told myself that I didn’t want my kids to see adult relationships come and go as they got older. So the girlfriends I had before The Ex were never introduced to Rugrat.

Sunshine, obviously, is different.

Rugrat is expected to spend Christmas with me, so I thought telling her now would help prepare her for the meeting. I mean, Sunshine is going to be a staple in my life for a very long time so I thought it only made sense that Rugrat found out about her.

In fact, Rugrat’s mom had known about my relationship for months now (we’re casual friends on Facebook), but didn’t want to tell her because it wasn’t her place to do so. I respect that decision and I’m glad that I could be the one to tell her.

Well…I was glad, anyway.

I told Rugrat that I had a new girlfriend. She immediately got quiet. She then began to cry. I didn’t immediately understand why she was so upset.

“What about The Ex?”

“Honey, we’ve been apart for two and a half years.”

“But why? I didn’t know it was two and a half years.”

“Rugrat, we told you when it happened. You’ve flown down to visit me at least four times since and you’ve known all along that The Ex and I weren’t together anymore.”

“Is she still my stepmom?”

“Yes, baby. She’ll always be your stepmom and she’ll always love you. But I can’t be alone forever.”

“I don’t care. I’m only going to like The Ex. I’m not gonna like your new girlfriend.

“Rugrat…what if The Ex is dating someone, too?”

“Then I won’t like her boyfriend, either.”

“Sweetie…you’re allowed to like everybody. You don’t have to choose. You can like both people.”

“No. I only like The Ex. I never even get to see her anymore. The last time I came to visit I only got to see her once and spent the rest of my time with you.”

“That’s because I’m your father, honey.”

The phone was then passed along to her mom, who inquired as to why Rugrat was so upset. I explained the conversation to her and then realized that maybe I didn’t approach things in the most tactful way.

“No…I don’t think she’s mad at you or the girlfriend. Two of her friends are moving away and she’s all upset and worried about this pimple. That might be what’s really bothering her.”

“I just don’t understand why she’s so upset now about The Ex. It’s not like she calls her or ever asks about her (she doesn’t). And we told her when it happened what was going on.”

“CBG, after you told her on the phone about the separation I ended up talking to her about things with her stepdad. Everything appeared to be fine and she said that she understood. I really think she’s upset about something else. Let me talk to her and I’ll get back to you.”

“Thanks. I really appreciate that.”

And that was last night. I was immediately shaken-up about the whole conversation. I really didn’t expect that reaction. I guess I understand it…she was pretty close to The Ex and does visit with her every time she visits. But I really just thought 2 1/2 years was enough time to pass by before introducing someone new in my life. I really didn’t think she’d be so closed to the thought of either myself or The Ex dating somebody new. It’s just something that never came up in our conversations.

So now I’m in an awkward state. I’m not sure what to say next to her. I’m not sure how to approach things…especially over the phone.

I’m just not sure what to do.


Not Quite There Yet

I was absolutely giddy with excitement at the thought of spending the weekend with my son. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks (other than some video chats) and couldn’t wait to spend some time with him.

The weekend has come and gone and, for him anyway, it was just another weekend.

I say that because he was talking about how much he wanted to go to his mom’s on Saturday, primarily because of the dog and the new cat that reside there. They are his best friends and he loves being with them. She also has toys and games coming out of the woodwork, and those are things I just can’t compete with.

But the weekend was good and we had a good time, so I don’t want this to sound like a “complaint blog”. Far from it, actually. What I found was that I was the one having issues with being away from my son, not him. To him, I’m still living in the city. He even said that he’d show me something when he came to my house this week.

So because of that, there isn’t that sense of “OMG it’s a weekend with my dad!!”, and that’s tough for me to swallow at the moment. I’m going through the “OMG it’s a weekend with my son!!” and it’s tough to know he’s not feeling the same.

It’s not his fault…it’s just been two weeks so he’s not used to things yet. I’d like to think that as the weeks go on and he only sees me on the computer every couple of days, that our weekends together will really be special occasions where he’s not counting the minutes down on a Sunday afternoon until he goes home.

But on the flip side, maybe I shouldn’t be wanting him to feel that way. Maybe what I want is for him to be so comfortable with our relationship that our weekends together are, in fact, “just another weekend with dad”.

Still…it’s been a weird weekend for me. I’m beginning to get used to this move and this change, but I’m not quite there yet.


Leaving…

The biggest reason I remained in a long-distance relationship for the past four years was the fact that my son lived in my city. I would have probably moved a year or two ago, but I just didn’t want to leave my son and sacrifice the relationship that I’ve gone out of my way to build. I mean, it’s not easy being a single dad who doesn’t share 50% custody of his kid to build and then maintain a solid father/child relationship…but it’s something I’ve been able to do and I’m proud of the relationship I’ve built up to this point.

It was a massive leap of faith that I took back in February when I decided that not only would I propose to Sunshine, but I would move to her city to make it OUR city.

As I’ve mentioned numerous times before, I talked with my ex-wife and with my son…who at 5 years old (at the time) not only encouraged the move but was excited about being the ring-bearer at the wedding (scheduled tentatively for next summer).

When I dropped him off at his mom’s two Sundays ago, I was absolutely devastated. My stomach was doing back-flips and I was questioning whether or not this whole thing was a decent decision.

But as I drove my usual 2 1/2 hour trek to Halifax, Nova Scotia…my mindset changed as each kilometer filled my rearview mirror. My sadness began to disappear and my excitement began to grow. The thought of starting a new job in a new city was an experience I hadn’t had ever in my lifetime. Any time I moved to a new city, I either already had a job that was ongoing or was not even employed yet and was on the search for something.

I not only had a new job starting the next day, but I had a new family life waiting for me.

The girls were waiting for me and greeted me with smiles, hugs, and a ton of love. My sadness was gone and I was absolutely filled to the brim with nothing but happiness. I was even met by a home-made sign that all three of the new ladies in my life took the time to make for me…

How could I not be the happiest guy in the world after seeing this??

Leaving was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. But leaving was also the best decision that I think I’ve ever made.

So how is the relationship with my son doing thus far? Stay tuned…


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