I can’t tell you just how miserable I felt today. I wish I could put it into words…but let me try to explain it like this: there is a golf ball lodged in my throat that’s occasionally covered in glass, so swallowing is an ordeal each and every time. I’ve got a headache that’s constant…and sometimes the aches go to other parts of my body. I had some…err….”issues” yesterday and this morning (of the TMI kind) that, thankfully, seem to have left my body (no pun intended). I’ve been more tired today than I’ve been in months, yet had a difficult time sleeping for more than 20 minutes at a time because of that whole golf ball thing.
Well…it only gets better. The Ex has a work function to attend in another city today, and because she had to leave really early this morning she asked if I could keep Ankle Biter last night. Of course I did…no worries there. Then I got an email today saying that she probably won’t be back until after his bedtime tomorrow night and hoped it was okay that I’d have him two nights. Again, no worries…any time I get to spend with my son is awesome.
But the thing is, I’m worried. I’m concerned. No…I’m flat-out scared.
What if I can’t handle things if I need to. What if something happens to AB overnight that requires my 100% attention and alertness? What if he’s crying for some reason and I’m passed out on the bathroom floor like I was Sunday night…crawling (literally) to the bedroom in an effort to just lay down.
I know…single mothers do this ALL the time. And honestly, I really shouldn’t be complaining in the least because I’m getting to spend MORE time with my son…and that’s a very good thing.
But I worry. I worry too much, I know.
How do single moms do it? Do any of you go through similar fears? Do those fears go away after you’ve handled this type of situation a few times?