Tag Archives: relationships

April 17, 2013

“The Rut”

By Canadian Bald Guy

stuck-in-a-rutIf anybody has been in a relationship for more than just a couple of months (I’m assuming that covers just about all of you), then you probably know what it’s like to go through what’s called, “The Rut”.

As in…“We’re stuck in a rut.”

More than once over the past week or two, Sunshine has noted that she doesn’t want us to fall into that rut. We’ve both been going through some motions lately…a routine of sorts that doesn’t really let us be ourselves.

Y’see, if you’ve followed either my blog or hers over the past few years, you know just how much we love life. We love exploring the world around us and experiencing new and fun things together as a couple. Lately, we’ve been spending our “off nights” relaxing on the couch watching HGTV or the latest episode of Survivor. That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with that, because there isn’t. It’s also not to say that it’s not “us”, because it is…just not EVERY night that we don’t have the kids with us.

So how does a couple, four+ years into a relationship and scheduled to get married later in the year, get out of a possible “rut” or “boring routine”?

It’s going to take some work on our parts, for sure. We need to be spontaneous if we’re feeling like doing something new and different. We need to plan to take dates and then follow through when it’s actually date night. We need to make a conscious effort to be the couple that we WANT to be, not just the couple that we are (if that makes any sense).

Obviously, any other suggestions are welcome…so don’t be afraid to throw in your two cents.

4 comments   |  tags: , , | posted in relationships

April 10, 2013

No Money, Mo’ Problems

By Canadian Bald Guy

money fightThey say that most relationships end because of money issues. Just who are “they”, anyway?

Regardless…it’s a statistic that I’ve never wanted to be a part of. I mean, I’ve always told myself that the relationship I was in would never crumble due to finances…that “love would overcome” and other such whimsical thoughts.

In reality, though, financial issues are part of the life I’m in an the moment. After selling my house at a loss recently, the savings hoped to be realized from not paying down two mortgages are now a lot less as that loss needs to be paid off.

Without going into a ton of details, let’s just say this has added to the pressures of day-to-day living for Sunshine and I.

Yesterday was an eye-opener for me. I’ve always been bad with money…I’ll fully admit it. What I realized yesterday (finally) is that I’m not only putting myself in a bad situation with poor money management, I’m not putting Sunshine and the girls into bad situations without them approving of things or having any say in them. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to my own kids.

There is no obstacle that Sunshine and I cannot overcome. She can’t overcome it on her own, though. I’ve matured and grown in so many ways over the past few years that I feel like a different man (to be honest, I think I am a different man today). One of the things that hasn’t changed, though, is my poor money management.

No more.

money_issuesI refuse to let Sunshine down. I refuse to let myself down any more. I’m taking back control of my life and living a more balanced lifestyle that reflects both of our incomes. I’m NOT going to let our wedding suffer and I’m NOT going to let debt creep back into my life after being almost completely eradicated late last year.

I refuse to be another statistic.

4 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in relationships

March 25, 2013

The Past Week

By Canadian Bald Guy

It’s been a very long week.

Moving yet againTwo weekends ago, Sunshine and I made the journey to my old house to empty it out. Y’see, it finally sold and closes in a couple of weeks…so with Easter just around the corner and not a lot of time to move everything out before the closing date, we decided to do it sooner rather than later.

Because the majority of the small things had already been moved (clothes, dvd’s, etc) and the majority of the items left over were being donated to my younger sister (so there wasn’t any real sense of “carefulness” when packing stuff like dishes), the move went a lot faster and smoother than my previous move a couple of years ago.

Happy St Patrick's DayIn fact, things were going so well that both Sunshine and I decided to go out on a date Saturday night. Things have been so crazy and hectic lately that we thought we needed to take some time out for ourselves. We went to a restaurant for a nice dinner and a couple of drinks. It was nice to get out for a couple of hours and just hang out together…we don’t do that nearly enough.

The next day my little brother showed up to help move the last of my things. I dropped 2/3 of my items off for my sister and then drove back home to Sunshine to unload the remaining items (my kitchen table set, my bedroom furniture set, etc).

That night I got sick. I could feel it coming on during the day, but was determined to not let it get to me until the move was over. When I woke up the next day, it all hit me at once.

Now I did my best to not end up with one of those “man colds” and whine and complain like a baby. But I’ve been sneezing and coughing and blowing my nose all friggin’ week and it’s done a few things:

  • Made the “unpacking process” pretty much a dead issue.
  • Made Sunshine want to take care of me MORE than she already does (because she’s awesome and all).
  • Made my desire to blog about a 0%.
  • Made the ability to have some “sexy time” with my gal less than normal. A LOT less.

So needless to say, I haven’t blogged all week and I haven’t enjoyed some of the perks of living with my one true love all week.

Thankfully, I’m finally feeling better.

Heh.

03-17-13

2 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Life

March 11, 2013

Sold~!!

By Canadian Bald Guy

soldA few weeks ago, I finally received an offer on my house after months on the market. It was a little bittersweet because I’m losing money on the deal, but I just can’t continue to pay a mortgage on an empty house while Sunshine pays for our apartment in the city. On the other hand, it’s absolutely incredible because it’s one of those “final pieces” required to make my move to Sunshine’s city 100% official.

Over the weekend, Sunshine and I had a “moment”. She was talking about some of the things I’ll have to move and what I’ll have to throw away next weekend when we get the moving truck ready to empty out what’s left in my house. I think she finally realized that this is all REALLY happening.

I think there was always that “escape clause”, of sorts…the one that was there on the off chance that things didn’t work out. There was always that remote possibility that I could end things, move out, and head back to my house.

Nope…not any more.

The finality of me donating some items to charity and selling off everything that I’m not bringing with me really hit Sunshine. She even told me that she hoped that she was worth it in the end.

Kids…there is nothing else in this world that makes me happier than being with Sunshine. Moving to be with her and been an incredibly positive experience and I have ZERO regrets about any of it. I couldn’t be in a more positive space than I am right now.

“Sold”…it’s not just a country song for me anymore. It’s the end of one chapter of my life…and one I’m glad to be moving on from.

4 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Life, love, relationships

March 4, 2013

Adjusting To Not Being Alone

By Canadian Bald Guy

I read today’s post from my friend, T, and read how she had a weekend alone to herself. She talked about how it was crucial to her ability to refocus and recenter.

As a formerly single guy who shares custody with his child, I remember what it was like to be alone every other weekend. I remember being alone almost every single night, even after Sunshine and I began dating. It ended up being one weekend with my son and another weekend with Sunshine, but every single night during the week it was me all by myself…alone.

To say that it has been a bit of an adjustment over the past six months living with Sunshine and her girls would be a dramatic understatement. Here I am, after six years of living alone every single night, having next-to-zero alone time now. There is rarely any time to myself at all, with the only “alone time” being when I visit my son and he has gone to bed. Other than that, I’m with somebody 24/7.

So it has been quite the adjustment for me to make.

Having said that, I feel that it’s been not only an adjustment worth making, but absolutely the best time I’ve ever had in my adult life. Up until now, I didn’t realize just how much I would love and cherish sharing my life with someone. Even during my marriage, I was shut-off emotionally to the point that I never felt fully comfortable being myself. Here I am now, completely emotionally open and available and freely giving myself to someone who loves me for every single little thing that makes me who I am.

It’s a situation that doesn’t make me really miss “alone time” that much. I’ve come to realize that my time isn’t that anymore…it’s “our time”, and I couldn’t be happier about it all.

Right now, I’m living the life I’ve always wanted but never knew it. I thought would crave “alone time”, but I’m now dreading it. I want “our time” on a daily basis, and my feeling is that when the conditions are right that’s just how it’s supposed to feel.

Sunshine & CBG

2 comments   |  tags: , , | posted in relationships

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