Tag Archives: pain

It Hurts To Hear

My son actually told me on the phone last night that he didn’t want to come to my house for supper. Crazy, right?  Talk about a slap to the face.

Here’s the story…

The Ex called me and told me that my son had something to tell me.  I asked him if he wanted to come over tonight and he said “yes”, so we’ll see what happens. The Ex got on the phone and explained that she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want it to come from her and have me take it the wrong way.  She also said that he’s been out of sorts the past few weeks…tired/cranky when she picks him up, he’s getting into trouble with the babysitter, and throwing the occasional temper tantrum with her.

He doesn’t do that when he’s with me.  I’m just assuming it’s because I’ve got a different parenting style: not better, just different.  The Ex isn’t sure what, exactly, is going on with him but wanted to stress that she didn’t think it had anything to do with me.  He had a similar night last week where she had to buy him a toy at a discount store to get him to want to come with me.  On the way to my house, he fell asleep and got a 10-minute power snooze.  Upon waking up, he was the normal excited 4-year-old son that I love so much.  It was like he wanted to be with me all along.

So I didn’t take it personally that he didn’t initially want to be with me.  I didn’t take it personally last night, either.  We’re not sure what’s going on but he’s either not getting enough sleep at night or is at a point where we need to think about giving him another nap during the day…even if it’s for 30 minutes or so.

Still…at the end of the day I hurt at hearing my son say those words to me. I’m pretty sure ANY parent would hate to hear those words, especially if that parent wasn’t the one with full custody. I know he loves me (he even said that to me on the phone) so it’s not like I’m questioning that.

I guess it goes back to me feeling like I’m a bad parent even though I’m being told it has nothing to do with me.  I dunno…I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I just can’t help it.

It hurts to hear.


Talk about bad luck…

My mom is awesome.  She’s always been there for me but man has she had a brutally tough few years as of late.

  • She had a brain tumor.
  • She nearly died from complications.
  • She needs two new knees.
  • She had more complications from the tumor.
  • She may have a touch of Alzheimer’s.

And this is all within the past three years.

My dad called me last night and pretty much tore a strip off of me for not calling lately.  I normally just visit once every two weeks when I’ve got the Ankle Biter and I don’t worry too much about it.  I mean, I’m not that far away and I’m always around if they need to get a hold of me.

So I haven’t talked to my mom in about two weeks.  He gave me the HUGE guilt trip for that and y’know…he’s right.  Even though my schedule got turned around a bit with Ankle Biter and Sunshine, that didn’t excuse me from NOT calling her to say “hi”.

Turns out I’m going to feel guilty for quite awhile.

Y’see, my mom went to Halifax yesterday to visit a specialist who looked at her knees.  I think the right knee specifically (isn’t it terrible that I don’t know for sure?).  She was hoping to get a recommendation so that she could travel out to Ontario and get the knee operated on.

Once the visit was over, she was on her way out to the car when…somehow…she slipped on the asphalt of the parking lot (it was raining).  I mean, she literally was ten steps out of the hospital (it’s a covered walkway to a parking garage) and…somehow…she ended up breaking her femur.

BREAKING HER FEMUR.

Now, the femur is the longest and largest bone in the human body.  It wasn’t just a crack, either…an ambulance driver immediately came over and said, “Wow…now that’s BROKEN.”  He ended up getting her rushed through the emergency room and they began pumping her full of pain medication.  So I’m not sure how, exactly, she did it…but she royally fucked her leg up.

My poor mom is turning 64 this year.  This is NOT a good thing for her to go through.

She’s scheduled to have an operation sometime today and it could be up to a year before it’s fully healed.

She was in so much pain that she just wanted to die.  She told my father to just let her die.  That broke his heart and it tore me up to hear him tell me about it.

So needless to say, I’m going to have a LOT of making-up to do when Ankle Biter and I visit her this weekend as she should be home by Friday night (fingers crossed).


Moving forward

Everything will be okay

They say that time heals all wounds.

If the cut isn’t too deep and is only a flesh wound, then it’s something that can heal in a shorter amount of time. But what if the cut is deeper than originally thought? Putting a band-aid on it will stop the bleeding, but will it really help the healing process?

I very much appreciate the comments from everybody over the past few days.  I certainly didn’t mean to scare people but I there was definitely a spot where things were uncertain. They’re still uncertain, but not nearly as much as originally thought.

Every couple has bumps in the road. Our bumps came earlier than expected and out of the blue…but I believe they are manageable and we can pull through this stronger than we were before.

So I thought I’d give a quick little recap as to what’s been going on with me over the past few days:

  • Sunshine and I hit a very rough patch. We ended up hurting each other and having both of our trust tested. Maybe one day it won’t be overly painful to blog about, but right now it is. But without going into too much detail, please know that nobody cheated on the other or anything like that. I guess I’ll just leave it at that for now.  We’re taking a step back at the moment and trying to figure out what the next step is in our healing process. It’s hard because we’re so far away from each other…and this is a time where being together would make a world of difference. Still, I firmly believe that we’ll come out on the other side better than we were before, stronger in the lessons learned from the mistakes that were made.
  • My angel with a halo, 10-11-08

    10-11-08

    My mom, as of this morning, is still stuck in a Halifax hospital. This time, though, it’s a waiting game and doesn’t appear to be overly serious. She had a knee infection that was looked at by a specialist last Friday and was serious enough that the doctor immediately operated on Saturday. After two days of swelling and pain, mom was feeling MUCH better. So why is she still in the hospital? Well, apparently she had pneumonia sometime last year and wasn’t diagnosed…so the infection is apparently a “run-off” from that. The doctors are awaiting test results to ensure the infection hasn’t spread and is just located in the knee. This has turned into VERY long days and nights for my mom…who is stuck in a hospital bed 2 hours from home in a city where she doesn’t know anybody. I call when I can and my dad has driven the round-trip Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday without hesitation…but she’s been crying at night because she’s so lonely. I’m hoping that she’s released later today and can finally come home.

  • AC/DC crowd at Magnetic Hill (the back) - 7pm - 08-06-09

    AC/DC crowd at Magnetic Hill (the back) - 7pm - 08-06-09

    Through my involvement with the United Way, I was able to volunteer for/attend an AC/DC concert last night at the local outdoor concert venue, Magnetic Hill. The unofficial numbers this morning say that over 70,000 people showed up…and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out the final number was between 75,000-80,000 people. I was a “hawker”…which means that a partner and I carried a cooler full of beer (30 covered plastic glasses at a time) into the beer section and sold beer to those that didn’t want to wait in line at the beer tent.

    AC/DC crowd at Magnetic Hill (the front) - 7pm - 08-06-09

    AC/DC crowd at Magnetic Hill (the front) - 7pm - 08-06-09

    I arrived at the venue at 12:30pm (they wanted us there early to avoid getting stuck in traffic), the doors didn’t open until 3:00pm, the first band didn’t play until 6:00pm, AC/DC hit the stage at 9:25pm, and I didn’t get home until 12:30am…so it was a long-ass 12-hour day on my feet. The good news was that because I was a volunteer (as opposed to those who were paid to work the concert), when AC/DC started playing I was already finished for the day and had been waiting like a giddy little kid.

    Catching flies at AC/DC: 08-06-09

    Catching flies at AC/DC: 08-06-09

    My section was pretty close to the stage and, as hard as it is to say this, they gave a better concert performance than KISS did last month. Mind you, I had more fun at that one because I was with Sunshine…but AC/DC was overall a better concert. It was absolutely incredible. So now with KISS and AC/DC concerts both attended this summer and the Eagles being attended last summer, my “concert bucket list” has knocked off #1, #2, AND #3. Maybe I’ll generate a new list (future post idea, anyone?) but it won’t be nearly as “must-see” for me as KISS and AC/DC were. I’m very fortunate to have been able to see these bands. When you live in an area where big bands like that only appear in locations that are 10+ hours away, you don’t take seeing them for granted when you get the opportunity.

  • OF COURSE he was on the swings.  It's his favorite playground activity!

    07-26-09

    Ankle Biter FINALLY comes back home on Sunday after spending over a week with his mom at her parents place by the beach. From Sunday thru Friday, I’ve got him all week and can’t wait to get all the activities done that I want to get done. I’ve got plans…I just need the weather to co-operate with me. I miss him terribly. I even emailed The Ex to see how he was doing. Apparently he’s learning how to swim in the ocean and is enjoying it so much that she’ll be enrolling him in swimming lessons for the fall. Just writing about him makes my heart ache to see him again. I don’t know if I could ever do a week on/week off scenario and go 50/50 in custody. I see him 2 to 3 times every single week plus I have him every other weekend, so not seeing him for multiple days at a time totally sucks. Expect pictures and daily updates next week!

  • EdenFantasys.com

    EdenFantasys.com

    I’ve got a very unusual, but fun, post lined-up for the weekend. I’ll give a hint…..I was sent something from Drew at Eden Fantasys and not only took pictures of what I did with it, but there’s video, too. Are ya curious? I thought so. Heh.

So that’s life in a nutshell right now.  Things could be better, but they could also be a WHOLE lot worse.


Pain

on the mendI’m actually at a loss for words right now.

I was told some things last night that I never thought I would hear.  They hurt.  A lot.

My heart lept into my stomach and started doing somersaults.  My head ached all night and wouldn’t let me sleep.  My mind wouldn’t stop providing a picture in my head that I absolutely didn’t want to see.

Discussions were had…decisions were made…but it’s going to take awhile for both sides to heal.

Pain sucks…but sometimes you just gotta buy your ticket and stand in the back of the line.

Nobody’s perfect.  We both made mistakes.  As the old saying goes: To err is human, to forgive divine.  And that’s the unknown factor right now.

Love just stinks sometimes.


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