Tag Archives: masturbation

Twitter Tales: 05-21-09

Twitter

Twitter Tales

Okay…I can now freely admit it: I’m addicted to Twitter.  I don’t 100% understand how people claim to be able to make a ton of money using it…and I really don’t appreciate them telling me how to write my blog…

At the end of the day, the thing that brings me back multiple times every single day is clicking on random links and reading and/or seeing things I’d otherwise never get a chance to read and/or see.  In addition, I find myself easily keeping up-to-date on the lives of some of my favorite fellow bloggers.

Thankfully, my TweetDeck allows me to truly follow whomever I want to and kinda ignore all of the spam while still increasing my follower/following count legitimately (I hate people who hit-n-run).

Alright…everybody ready?  Good…’cause it’s once again time to check out my weekly Twitter Tales:

  • Lily Allen on safari

    Lily Allen on safari

    Singing sensation (and paparazzi darling) Lily Allen has been tweeting from her jungle safari trip in Africa.  I like her stuff…Alfie, The Fear…she’s got a cute voice and she doesn’t mind going topless every once in awhile (what??).  Anyway…to me, it doesn’t really matter who she is or what she does for a living…this is a pretty cool idea.

  • My internet crush, T, recently blogged about her recent…umm…”experience” with a toy that she recently received in honor of May being National Masturbation Month.  I don’t really know what else to say other than I’m soooo glad I saw this tweet!!!

t's toy review

  • Umm…I don’t even know WHAT to say about this next one, but I have to thank “Weird” Al Yankovic for providing a link to a commercial I would have NEVER seen if not for Twitter.  And I think you’ll agree with me…this is one of the most unforgettable commercials you’ve ever seen:
  • You wouldn’t think that there would be a really good excuse for getting caught having sex in the front seat of the car while YOUR TWO KIDS were sitting in the back.  Apparently…there is.
  • Nikki

    Nikki

    Nikki over at Lucid Insanity is trying to get a job as a Murphy Goode Wine Country Lifestyle Correspondent.  To apply, she made a couple of videos and isn’t sure which one to use for her application.  As such, she is asking anybody and everybody to view the videos and give her their honest opinions.  So c’mon…help a fellow blogger get a pretty cool job and help her out!

  • I can’t lie…I’m a fan of porn.  I know…a turn-off for some, an addiction for others.  I have to admit that there are three or four adult entertainers (as they prefer to be called) that I follow on Twitter.  The one that intrigues me the most is Teagan Presley.  One…obviously, she is a drop-dead sexy living Barbie doll.  Two…she’s a mother of two (!!) and seems to be quite the family woman outside of her job (seriously).  Three…her husband enjoys taking pictures of her both in and out of her “adult duties”.  Four…she apparently loves guys like me:
Teagan loves geeks

Totally NO real reason to post this other than for my own self-serving interests. Heh.

  • It's really all about the shoes...

    It's really all about the shoes...

    Just a couple of weeks ago, Nicole from SingleMomInTheCity was complaining that she had bought these great shoes but her boyfriend hadn’t taken her out on the town to show them off yet (LOL…I’m laughing at the fact I even KNEW that story).  Anyway, last weekend was the weekend that the guy smartened up and took his Hot Mommy Blogger out on the town.  It’s nice to see good people have good times in their lives.  When you follow others in blogs, you’re always rooting for them to have happy endings.

  • @TrailerAddict recently posted that the new trailer to Sherlock Holmes was out.  Now if you haven’t heard, Robert Downey Jr. is playing Holmes with Jude Law and Rachel McAdams playing co-starring roles.  I can’t lie…this looks awesome!!  But don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself:

Dating Girl 1Dating Girl 2Dating Girl 3

  • TMZ isn’t usually good for much.  They were, however, very cool for posting what could possibly be the coolest picture I’ve ever seen.  Basically, they re-posted a picture of the space shuttle Atlantis as it passed by the sun.  Now the shuttle was traveling 17,500 mph at 350 miles above the Earth’s surface, and TMZ reported that the photographer only had .8 seconds to get the shot.  The sun looms in the background a mere 91 million miles away.  HOW AWESOME IS THIS???
Amazing....

Amazing....

  • Hmmm…now I know there’s still one thing left that I was supposed to mention.  But for some reason, I can’t seem to remember what it was.  Hmmm….whatever could it have been???  Oh yeah…

KimPossible's questionMomma_Sunshine's answer

Ahhh yes…my relationship decision was “outed” on Twitter.  You gotta love that.  Heh.  

K

K

So here’s the deal…“Momma Sunshine” (aka K) and I dated late last year and early into this year.  At one point, we were sharing a blog that described the ups and downs of a long-distance relationship.  When we split back in February, there were fellow bloggers and readers who knew the both of us…but because we didn’t really talk too much  about the break-up, a lot of the awkwardness was left behind and people just continued reading both blogs.

So for them, this all probably came as a surprise (as it did for us).  Hopefully, though, because they read both of our blogs they’re rooting for us.  I know I am.

I never stopped thinking about her.  I never stopped regretting my decision to end things.  I continued to tell myself that I did the right thing for me.  I was wrong.

So now here it is…three months later…and we’re going to give things another try.  I realized a lot of things recently…the biggest was that while I was afraid to fail in yet another relationship after the failure of my marriage, I was more afraid of not having K in my life anymore.

Like a glove...

Like a glove...

I am travelling to K’s city this weekend and we’ll see what happens.  There are no expectations, no conditions, no pressure.  We’re just going to hang out and see if what we’re feeling now isn’t a residual situation…if it’s still the same real feelings that we had previously.

Keep your fingers crossed.  If things go as we both hope they do, you’ll be seeing a LOT of entertaining blogs and tweets in the weeks and months to come (we’re self-admitted attention whores…lol).  If not, I’m sure we’ll both just say that it didn’t work and then move on with our lives…content in knowing that we at least gave it a legitimate chance.

But c’mon…how can you NOT be intrigued by a tweet like this in the middle of the afternoon???

Momma_Sunshine's awesome!

God…this girl is six shades of awesome.  Wish us luck!!


My “goin’ blind” beginnings

Okay, this is totally unlike what I would normally post, so if you’re looking for your normal dose of G-rated Bald Guy, you just might want to be going here or here.  

Just sayin’.

~~~~~~~~~~

T

T

To celebrate May being National Masturbation Month, I’ve joined-up with the fantastic T from “The Quest for T” in a joint effort to dedicate blog posts to the glorious subject known as masturbation as May continues.

We both have posted about this subject already this month, but we were having a hard time last night trying to decide how to write our next joint blog posts.

T brought up the suggestion that we both post a blog talking about our “first time”.   I was a bit hesitant at first, but decided I could open up and discuss it in a way I was comfortable with, even if she decided to go in a different direction for her post today.

So here it goes…

 

 

 

…you ready?

 

 

 

MY FIRST TIME

by Canadian Bald Guy

 

I remember the first time I was intimate with myself.

It was over before it started.

 

THE END.

~~~~~~~~~~

Alright T…now it’s YOUR turn.  Heh.


Will it really make you go blind?

Okay, this is totally unlike what I would normally post, so if you’re looking for your normal dose of G-rated Bald Guy, best be going here or here.  

Just sayin’.

~~~~~~~~~~

I got the following tweet yesterday:

5-3-2009

Of course, the entire conversation that we had doesn’t need to be re-counted here (trust me…those who read our flirtateous tweets needed a cigarette and a cold shower when they were done), but needless to say that this tweet helped me realize something that had been in the back of my mind for a few weeks now…

I am one horny bastard.

Crude…but true.  And you know what?  I don’t think I was nearly as bad when I was in “my prime” as I am now.  It’s ridiculous.  I truly feel like I’m in “my prime” right now at age 36.

Vanilla ice creamMy marriage started off like any normal relationship.  We were having sex on a regular basis…connecting and getting into “grooves” with each other. The problem, though, is that our “groove” was really our “rut”.

If our sex life could have been an ice cream, to have called it vanilla would have been a tremendous over-statement and, quite frankly, an insult to vanilla ice cream.

Get this statistic about me: I went just over three years from the night my son was conceived to the next time I was intimate with a woman.

THREE YEARS.

Needless to say, that (pretty darned attractive) woman got a bit more than she expected from me on that particular night.  

I then went another six+ months before meeting up with somebody very special.  We dated for a few months and while things didn’t work out in the end, our physical relationship was absolutely incredible.

IN-CRE-DI-BLE.

And while I think having a long-distance relationship probably pushed things along in that direction, we were absolutely insatiable.  

Three times a day.  Five times a day.  We were pleasing each other like no other person had done in our lives before.  It was like a sexual awakening for the both of us.

MasturbationUnfortunately, things weren’t meant to be and we broke up in January.  

And it’s been a long four months since.

So when T emailed me and asked if I was interested in doing some type of “mutual post” based on this glorious celebratoin in the of May, I jumped at the opportunity.  

I’m not sure when we’ll have our mutual post…I’m not really sure of what the exact topic of conversation will be…heck, I’m not even sure how we’ll do our research…

Ugh…I can’t believe I just went there.

This could be a very fun month.


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