Tag Archives: fears

October 14, 2011

Support

By Canadian Bald Guy

For those not in the know, Sunshine is running a half-marathon this weekend in Prince Edward Island. We’re packing up and heading out first thing tomorrow morning and it should be quite the experience.

Sunshine’s pretty nervous/excited/scared about the whole thing, though. What she’s feeling…I can’t grasp so it’s been difficult over the past couple of weeks to be supportive in the way that I have wanted to be.

She ran a full marathon a few years ago (before we met) and runs multiple times each week…so I’m not sure why she’s so anxious about this particular one. From what I can gather (and I’ve talked to some other people about it, too), the stress seems to be a runner’s “thing”. Sunshine is REALLY wanting to beat her time from a few years ago but is totally wigged out about not being able to do it…even though she’s in much better physical condition today than she was then.

I feel a little odd…not really sure what I should be doing. So I’m going to do whatever I can to support her this weekend.

I’m going to tell her that, realistically, the time of the race SHOULDN’T matter because 99% of the population can’t even run a marathon to begin with.  I’m going to tell her that she’s already run a half-marathon during her training over the summer…FOR FUN…and that her body won’t let her down this weekend. I’m going to do the best I can to follow her and meet her at various check points so I can root her on.  I’m going to be there waiting for her with a camera and a big-ass smile once she crosses that finish line.

I’m just going to be there for her the only way I know how. I’m just hoping it’s enough because she deserves all the support in the world.

Good luck, Sunshine…though you’re TOTALLY not going to need it.

xox

7 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Life, love, sports

September 20, 2011

Conquering fear one zipline at a time

By Canadian Bald Guy

Yeah…THIS happened!!

This was my birthday gift from Sunshine: ziplining!! I am deathly afraid of heights so this was going to be very interesting. We made an (almost) two-hour drive to get to this place, but in the end it was well worth it!

You can't really tell, but my stomach was doing some MAJOR butterflies when this picture was taken. I really didn't know if I'd be able to go through with it. It looked like fun, for sure...but it also looked scary as hell.

This was a pic taken just moments before launching ourselves onto the first zipline. Obviously, the safety helmet was NOT working for me and my massive dome (sigh).

As you would expect, I made Sunshine go first (lol). I just didn't have it in me to step off that platform first and hover over 240 feet above the ground.

AND SHE'S OFF!! Yeah...this is Sunshine about to cross a 1,100-foot zipline over 240 feet above the ground. Her lack of fear gave me the strength to want to go next.

If you squint, you can still see her high above the trees below.

This was my look after completing the first zipline. My heart was pounding and I was literally weak in the knees. I was in a state of disbelief because I couldn't believe that I had stepped off that platform and into the abyss...floating over air. I was terrified, but had overcome my fear. Looking back now, I still can't believe I did it.

If you squint, you can see me making my way down the second zipline. This one was steeper and faster (zipping down nine stories!), but it wasn't nearly as scary for me. In fact, this one was incredibly fun.

I look at this picture and can barely believe that's me...ENJOYING the experience of ziplining down this huge hill. At this point, all I wanted to do was enjoy the moment as much as possible because I wanted Sunshine to be proud of me, doing my best to overcome and conquere my fears. Knowing she was at the bottom waiting for me made all the difference in the world.

Trust me...this thumbs up was a lot more genuine that the first one. I was happy and excited and thrilled to have been able to accomplish something like this. I think "stoked" might have been the word for this picture.

I never in a million years would have done something like this with anybody other than Sunshine. She inspires me on a daily basis and truly helps me become a better person.

3 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in fears, fun

April 21, 2011

Thinking About The Future

By Canadian Bald Guy

Sometimes I don’t think I can enjoy the present because I don’t want to even think about the future.

The future is something that can be scary and foreboding, and most of the time I just want to try to make it through the day and worry about the future another time. But the problem with that line of thinking is that I end up not allowing myself the right to enjoy the present. The future is unpredictable and is molded by the choices I make in the present. If I don’t let myself live in the present, then what else can I live for? I mean, what good will it do me to just go through the motions?

My family is the present. My children are the present. My friends are the present. ** I ** am the present. To cast that aside or to let the negative outweigh the positive will only lead to an unhappy future…especially if it’s already pre-determined in my mind that the future is an unhappy one because I’m not allowing myself to enjoy the good things about the present.

I’m currently in a position where I’m having a difficult time enjoying the present because I’m concerned about the future. This is a thought process that I have control over, though.  I would like to believe that it’s a matter of the choices that I can make now in the present that can alter, mold, and shape the future…even if those choices appear to be small and seemingly insignificant now.

Nobody can predict the future, obviously. I’d like to believe that if one is willing to at least be open to possibilities, then anything can be possible. Feelings shouldn’t be ignored…feelings shouldn’t be set aside…they need to be brought up and dealt with, whether it’s a complaint or a concern or a worry.  But I know that this bond I’ve created with Sunshine is so strong that there is nothing that can’t be overcome if we truly want to overcome it.

3 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in relationships, Thoughts on stuff

April 7, 2011

Arachnophobia

By Canadian Bald Guy

This is a retro post that was originally posted back on 04-05-09. And y’know what? Two years hasn’t changed my opinion one little bit…

**********

arachnophobiaA phobia is considered to be an irrational, intense, persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, or people.

I have a fear of two things (well…a phobia of two things): heights and spiders.

I have an indescribable fear of spiders. I don’t sit on my bed and cry about them, but my stomach goes into knots when I see one. I don’t know why…it just does.

I’ve tried watching Arachnophobia…but I wasn’t able to watch it from beginning to end. I’ve seen the end thanks to TBS and I gotta admit that watching those little f*ckers burn in flames was about all I could handle.

Eight Legged Freaks

Eight Legged Freaks

I was, however, able to watch Eight Legged Freaks from beginning to end. I suppose there’s just something about giant-sized super-duper spiders that attack people on motorcycles and jump on the top of police cars that is freakishly comical and not really that scary.

At least that’s what I tell myself in order to be able to watch it.

Aragog from "Chamber of Secrets"

Aragog from "Chamber of Secrets"

And as much as it pains me to admit, I even had difficulty watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets once or twice…that talking spider (Aragog) and all the spiders around just made me queasy. It wasn’t so bad at first, but then when they all started moving towards Potter and Weasley and then tried to attack them….yeesh.

Ugh…I sound like such a wussy.

So yesterday I discussed my two fears in a bit more detail with a friend. She was rather amused at my fear of spiders (not impressing me in the process).

“Seriously. Do you think they can hurt you? Are they bigger than you?”

Sigh.

OMFG...

OMFG...

Listen…a phobia is an irrational fear. It doesn’t have to make sense. I just have it and it totally sucks. And I completely realize that spiders will make their way into my home over the spring and summer. That’s just the nature of where I live.

Doesn’t make it any easier…especially when one popped out of nowhere this afternoon right on my computer desk.

F*CK ME.

Before grabbing multiple pieces of paper towel to kill the thing with (I couldn’t find my fly-swatter…guess what I’m looking for next), I took a quick little photo of the little bastard:

The first little f*cker of the year.

The first little f*cker of the year.

***shudders***

I hate ‘em. I don’t care how much of a pansy I end up looking like for admitting it, either. I hate ‘em.

Snakes? Lizards? Ex-girlfriends? No problem…I can handle those. But those little eight-legged f*ckers?

BAH~!!

6 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in fears

February 17, 2011

Fears

By Canadian Bald Guy

I’m afraid of my mom dying and leaving me.

I’m afraid of my mom living for weeks and weeks and suffering even longer.

I”m afraid that the anger that is building inside of me will result in me lashing out unnecessarily.

I’m afraid that i’ll become the person that I used to be…a person I never want to be come again.

I’m afraid that I’m not a good enough father to my son.

I’m afraid to call my daughter and tell her about her grandmother.

I’m afraid that when the time comes, I won’t know what to say.

I’m afraid for my dad, who will soon be alone for the first time in over 40 years.

I’m afraid of not being strong enough for him.

I’m afraid that I won’t be able to remain the person I’ve become at age 38…a person I have finally grown to like.

7 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in cancer, fears

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