I’ve been thinking about my blog recently…about why I started it to begin with and where I wanted it to go and what I wanted it to be. These thoughts have caused me to wonder whether or not I even need a blog anymore.
I know…crazy talk, right? I mean, I brought this up when talking to Sunshine last night and she thought I was nuts for thinking that way. I’m a writer, after all…it’s what I do and apparently do fairly well.
See, I’ve always wanted attention. I was a show-off in school and often got detention for acting up in class. As I got older, I took on jobs that would always have me being in the public eye (waiter, club DJ, retail salesman). Heck…just recently I was an MC for a work-recognition function (for the second time). Writing is an extension of that craving of attention.
When I started a blog about a year-and-a-half ago, it was more for self-therapy than anything else. Once I moved everything over to WordPress this past January, my goal was to slowly develop and cultivate an online audience and build upon that…again, for attention purposes. I wanted to be a writer and I just wanted people to read my work.
In fact, I’ve actually been writing for a few years now. My writing was (…gulp…wait for it…) for a pro-wrestling website. I had actually built-up a pretty good following on this website, too. In fact, my weekly column built enough of a following that I was also doing audio shows once a week for a paid site. Yes…people were actually paying to hear me talk about wrestling. Weird, eh?
Anyhoo…that part of my “online life” ended back in February because I had found a new outlet; a new form of creative expression. But now? Now I’m at the point where I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. And I know that it sounds melodramatic to say, but after a week where I’ve been spending my spare time trying to come up with things to talk about I’m actually struggling for a reason to write.
Am I here to entertain others? Am I here to talk about my awesome kids? Am I here to discuss intimate details of my love life?
Adding to that is my newfound disinterest in some of the very blogs that got me interested in blogging to begin with. I mean, some of the blogs that I’ve followed for a year now seem to have lost sight of their original direction…or the direction I thought they were going in, anyway. Some of these blogs just seem more “preachy” now…or in some cases they blatantly go for miscellaneous web hits simply by discussing a hot topic. I know…I’m certainly guilty of doing that very thing myself from time to time (although for the record, I love reviewing ‘Survivor’ because I love the show). So as these blogs interest me less and less, I’ve found less and less interest in writing my own blog as of late.
Of course, I could just be talking out of my ass. I mean, I started two more blog posts tonight before finally settling on this one (they’re unfinished…but still). Maybe I’ll just be like Jim or Nicole and simply write whenever I feel like writing instead of feeling like I need to write on a more consistent basis. Maybe I’ll end up getting a creative spark again within the next few days. Maybe I’ll write something again tomorrow and ignore this post entirely.
Bah. I’m just rambling…