Category Archives: relationships

“The Rut”

stuck-in-a-rutIf anybody has been in a relationship for more than just a couple of months (I’m assuming that covers just about all of you), then you probably know what it’s like to go through what’s called, “The Rut”.

As in…“We’re stuck in a rut.”

More than once over the past week or two, Sunshine has noted that she doesn’t want us to fall into that rut. We’ve both been going through some motions lately…a routine of sorts that doesn’t really let us be ourselves.

Y’see, if you’ve followed either my blog or hers over the past few years, you know just how much we love life. We love exploring the world around us and experiencing new and fun things together as a couple. Lately, we’ve been spending our “off nights” relaxing on the couch watching HGTV or the latest episode of Survivor. That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with that, because there isn’t. It’s also not to say that it’s not “us”, because it is…just not EVERY night that we don’t have the kids with us.

So how does a couple, four+ years into a relationship and scheduled to get married later in the year, get out of a possible “rut” or “boring routine”?

It’s going to take some work on our parts, for sure. We need to be spontaneous if we’re feeling like doing something new and different. We need to plan to take dates and then follow through when it’s actually date night. We need to make a conscious effort to be the couple that we WANT to be, not just the couple that we are (if that makes any sense).

Obviously, any other suggestions are welcome…so don’t be afraid to throw in your two cents.


No Money, Mo’ Problems

money fightThey say that most relationships end because of money issues. Just who are “they”, anyway?

Regardless…it’s a statistic that I’ve never wanted to be a part of. I mean, I’ve always told myself that the relationship I was in would never crumble due to finances…that “love would overcome” and other such whimsical thoughts.

In reality, though, financial issues are part of the life I’m in an the moment. After selling my house at a loss recently, the savings hoped to be realized from not paying down two mortgages are now a lot less as that loss needs to be paid off.

Without going into a ton of details, let’s just say this has added to the pressures of day-to-day living for Sunshine and I.

Yesterday was an eye-opener for me. I’ve always been bad with money…I’ll fully admit it. What I realized yesterday (finally) is that I’m not only putting myself in a bad situation with poor money management, I’m not putting Sunshine and the girls into bad situations without them approving of things or having any say in them. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to my own kids.

There is no obstacle that Sunshine and I cannot overcome. She can’t overcome it on her own, though. I’ve matured and grown in so many ways over the past few years that I feel like a different man (to be honest, I think I am a different man today). One of the things that hasn’t changed, though, is my poor money management.

No more.

money_issuesI refuse to let Sunshine down. I refuse to let myself down any more. I’m taking back control of my life and living a more balanced lifestyle that reflects both of our incomes. I’m NOT going to let our wedding suffer and I’m NOT going to let debt creep back into my life after being almost completely eradicated late last year.

I refuse to be another statistic.


Sold~!!

soldA few weeks ago, I finally received an offer on my house after months on the market. It was a little bittersweet because I’m losing money on the deal, but I just can’t continue to pay a mortgage on an empty house while Sunshine pays for our apartment in the city. On the other hand, it’s absolutely incredible because it’s one of those “final pieces” required to make my move to Sunshine’s city 100% official.

Over the weekend, Sunshine and I had a “moment”. She was talking about some of the things I’ll have to move and what I’ll have to throw away next weekend when we get the moving truck ready to empty out what’s left in my house. I think she finally realized that this is all REALLY happening.

I think there was always that “escape clause”, of sorts…the one that was there on the off chance that things didn’t work out. There was always that remote possibility that I could end things, move out, and head back to my house.

Nope…not any more.

The finality of me donating some items to charity and selling off everything that I’m not bringing with me really hit Sunshine. She even told me that she hoped that she was worth it in the end.

Kids…there is nothing else in this world that makes me happier than being with Sunshine. Moving to be with her and been an incredibly positive experience and I have ZERO regrets about any of it. I couldn’t be in a more positive space than I am right now.

“Sold”…it’s not just a country song for me anymore. It’s the end of one chapter of my life…and one I’m glad to be moving on from.


Adjusting To Not Being Alone

I read today’s post from my friend, T, and read how she had a weekend alone to herself. She talked about how it was crucial to her ability to refocus and recenter.

As a formerly single guy who shares custody with his child, I remember what it was like to be alone every other weekend. I remember being alone almost every single night, even after Sunshine and I began dating. It ended up being one weekend with my son and another weekend with Sunshine, but every single night during the week it was me all by myself…alone.

To say that it has been a bit of an adjustment over the past six months living with Sunshine and her girls would be a dramatic understatement. Here I am, after six years of living alone every single night, having next-to-zero alone time now. There is rarely any time to myself at all, with the only “alone time” being when I visit my son and he has gone to bed. Other than that, I’m with somebody 24/7.

So it has been quite the adjustment for me to make.

Having said that, I feel that it’s been not only an adjustment worth making, but absolutely the best time I’ve ever had in my adult life. Up until now, I didn’t realize just how much I would love and cherish sharing my life with someone. Even during my marriage, I was shut-off emotionally to the point that I never felt fully comfortable being myself. Here I am now, completely emotionally open and available and freely giving myself to someone who loves me for every single little thing that makes me who I am.

It’s a situation that doesn’t make me really miss “alone time” that much. I’ve come to realize that my time isn’t that anymore…it’s “our time”, and I couldn’t be happier about it all.

Right now, I’m living the life I’ve always wanted but never knew it. I thought would crave “alone time”, but I’m now dreading it. I want “our time” on a daily basis, and my feeling is that when the conditions are right that’s just how it’s supposed to feel.

Sunshine & CBG


A Little Paint…

It’s funny just how much change can take place after a few brush strokes. 

Sunshine and I didn’t care for our apartment’s colors too much when we moved in. The plan was to slowly make our way around the apartment…room to room…and create a home that was *ours* and one that we could truly call our own.

We started doing that about a month or so ago when we painted the living room. We continued on that path over the weekend with some added touches.

This is how we started our journey…

It didn’t take long at all to see an immediate difference to not only how the room looked, but how it felt. As soon as Sunshine began putting paint on the walls, we both began to enjoy our new home just a little bit more.

It took a couple of days to complete it all, but when it was completed we had this…

This past weekend we didn’t have a ton of items on our plate so we decided to kick back and relax on Friday night with a beverage or two (or three) and some snacks. And yes…those snacks are real. And yes…they’re awesome.

Once Sunday rolled around, we decided to use a “two-prong” attack on some of the “added touches” for our living room. I was going to work on a home-made shelf that we purchased for $15 at a second-hand store and Sunshine was going to paint a small portion of our hallway with chalk board paint.

The shelf came about after a search to find something to put my dvd’s and blu-rays on. I mean, Sunshine has a few movies in her collection but I’m a HUGE fan of movies and I collect them quite often. After not being happy searching for something new in various stores, we went to a second-hand shop to see what they had. We were immediately taken with something that looked like it was pieced together by somebody in their garage. It was the perfect size for holding dvd’s and just looked like it would need some TLC. So we bought some paint that would hopefully make it close in colour to our massive bookcase. I think it turned out pretty good.

Not a perfect match, but it’s close enough!

Around the corner, Sunshine was putting some chalk board paint on the wall  between the bathroom and the kitchen. It’s funny…I always thought that something like a chalk board wall was “too contemporary” for me. I just never saw myself as a guy with anything but bland, muted-coloured walls. But one of the great things about Sunshine is her creativity, and this really turned into something very cool.

In another day or two, the wall will be ready to be drawn on. And I, for one, can’t wait to see the girls have a blast letting their inner artist come out on the wall…not to mention the look on my son’s face when he sees it on his next visit down.

So with just a little bit of paint over the course of the weekend, we’ve made our apartment more of a home. It’s just a bit crazy to think how much can change in just a short amount of time.


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