Category Archives: questions

January 5, 2012

Who Am I To Me?

By Canadian Bald Guy

While working through some pretty depressing issues recently, I was asked thru my EAP program a few questions about myself that I was supposed to answer. In order to find out why I act and feel the way I do, it’s important to truly know yourself and who you are as a person.

All along I thought that I could easily identify who I was…that I was an open book and because of my self-awareness, explaining who I was wouldn’t be an issue.  What I found, however, was that I sometimes felt a loss for words. I mean…just what ARE my values? Can they really be defined?

So I decided to tackle the questions posed to me and see what I could come up with. So in an effort to truly better understand myself, here are some questions/answers about…well…myself.

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What brings meaning to your life?

You would think that this would be a pretty easy question for me, but for some reason I found myself tackling it with some doubt…as if what I thought brought meaning to me didn’t actually bring meaning to me.

I think, above all else, my family brings me the most meaning. My son, my daughter, my father, and my amazing blended family of Sunshine and her girls absolutely mean the world to me. My wanting to change and be a better person isn’t only for me…it’s so that I can enjoy a healthy, long, happiness-filled life with the ones that I love.  I want to be a good father, a good son, and a good husband.

As weird as it may sound, writing also seems to give me meaning. I can’t really put a finger on it, but there is joy that I derive from written expression. Whether it be a story about my life, thoughts on random nonsense, or exposing my innermost thoughts for the world to read…I feel a sense of calm and happiness when I write, which is something I never thought about doing while growing up.

Music brings meaning to my life, too. I remember once being asked if I were to lose one of my senses, which one would I NOT want to lose. Of anything, I would never want to lose my hearing. No matter what is going on in my life, music has always been there. It can speak to me when nobody else can. It knows me.  It GETS me.

How do you describe yourself?

I’m just a near-forty year old guy trying to make his way in the world…no more, no less.  I’m a happy man with a lot of deep-down anger management issues. I’m kind-hearted but crude.  I’m confident with big-time self-confidence issues. I feel as though I know who I am, but that person actually contains two different personalities.  I used to think that my crudeness and anger issues were just a way to mask the pain I was really feeling inside, but now I think I’m able to embrace who I am…both the good and the bad.

What brings joy to your life?

This is almost a similar question to the one about “meaning”.  But where those items bring meaning AND joy to me, there are other things that just bring joy.

  • Saturday morning walks through the Halifax Seaport Farmer’s Market with Sunshine.
  • A random hug given to me by my son for no reason.
  • The laughter of my children.
  • Going new places and experiencing new things with Sunshine.
  • A really good meal.

I’m sure there are more things that give me joy, but these are the ones that first popped into my head. I’m not even sure if I’m looking into this question the right way, either…but those are my answers.

What have you not done in a long time that you enjoy?

Wow…this one is a little tough. 

While never an athlete, I used to go skiing all the time in high school. I owned my own skis and poles and boots and would go at least once a week in the wintertime during my senior year. I was never a great skier, but I used to love the thrill of gliding down a snowy hill.

I haven’t gone skiing since 1990.

What are your values and beliefs?

I think I may have to think a little more on this one. I’ve never really wondered about my own values and beliefs before…and I don’t think it’s something I can just throw out there off the top of my head. It’ll probably end up being a post all unto itself.

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We tend to segment life by periods, events and experiences. By doing regular life reviews, it apparently can provide more continuity and a feeling of confidence in oneself. As I continue to look at myself, I hope I can gain the confidence in me that I’ve never, ever had before.

8 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in questions, Stream of Consciousness, Thoughts on stuff

November 3, 2011

Is jealousy ever okay in a relationship?

By Canadian Bald Guy

This is a re-post from November 2009.

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I was listening to the radio this morning and the “Morning Crew” were discussing when a lady knows that she is dating a loser (great topic).

One of the items that came up was jealousy, and the example used by the female host was “When he won’t let you dance at a club with another guy.” The male host immediately suggested that he wouldn’t like his girlfriend dancing with another man and thus the discussion began because the female host really didn’t see it as a big deal.

What if that guy wanted to buy you a drink? Is there a line to cross there?

What if your boyfriend was there at the club but didn’t want to dance? What if you were out without him?

What if you were married? Would that change anything?

I think there are way too many scenarios and possibilities to think about in this type of situation. Because in the end, it really all depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. I mean, one person’s jealousy could be another person’s “I love you”.

Personally, I think there is a line to draw between me physically being there and me not being there.

Being totally honest…I’m not much of a dancer. My inability on the dance floor was one of the reasons I was always the DJ sitting up in the corner and not the one trying to do the macarena. So if, for some reason, I find myself at a club with Sunshine and she really wants to dance, I’ll probably not mind too much if she goes up with a friend to shake her bootie (they still call it that, right?). I wouldn’t say a slow dance is okay, though…but a fast dance is fine as long as it’s not a tribute to Dirty Dancing.

But what if I’m not actually at the club with her? I’d like to say up front that I wouldn’t have a problem with Sunshine going out with her girlfriends for a night of partying and clubbing. That doesn’t bother me because I trust her. But if she was doing some one-on-one dancing with another man that night? Well…I think I’d have the right to be jealous.

Or am I still off-base here?

Does it make me a “loser” to show a bit of jealousy from time to time? I know that getting angry and upset isn’t healthy at all…there’s certainly no reason to be overly jealous and I’ve seen it with other couples way too often over the years. But I’m allowed to feel a bit uncomfortable with certain situations, aren’t I? I mean, I would like to think that if didn’t show any feelings at all, I’d end up looking like I was too comfortable or taking the relationship for granted.

When it jealousy okay in a relationship? Is it ever okay? Are there lines to cross?

3 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Life, love, questions, relationships

September 13, 2010

To Scream or Not To Scream

By Canadian Bald Guy

My dad owned a restaurant when I was a kid.  He owned it for over 20 years.  My first job was folding pizza take-out boxes for him, but eventually I “graduated” to dishwasher, cashier, and finally to waiter (I even made manager much later but that’s another story for another day).

I waited tables for about ten years.  During those ten years a great many children, toddlers, and babies came in and out of that restaurant.  I can’t tell you the number of times I wanted to quit and go home because of the screaming or crying or misbehaving of these little people.  It truly was one of the primary reasons why I never wanted to have children (of course, that’s all changed since but stay with me here…).

I bring this story up because I’ve been reading up on this restaurant in Carolina Beach, NC called the Olde Salty.  Apparently, the owner of this restaurant, Brenda Armes, was tired of hearing multiple complaints about children acting up, misbehaving, crying, and screaming when her other patrons were trying to enjoy a quiet meal.

As such, she instituted a “No Screaming Children” policy.  That photo above is the actual sign that she has in her restaurant window.

“It has been a good thing for us. It has brought us in more customers than it has ever kept away.” – Brenda Armes

As a waiter in my teens, this would have been a tremendous policy.  I would have been dancing on the ceiling.  However, as a parent in my late thirties, I gotta say that I’m more than just a little bit disturbed about the whole thing.

Listen…I don’t want to hear screaming children, either.  The first thing I want to do when out to eat and I hear crying or screaming is to get up and leave.  But I also understand that sometimes children do that…period.  It’s just a part of life as a kid.

On the other hand, would I necessarily NOT go to a restaurant that instituted this policy?  As a privately owned restaurant, does the owner not have the right to institute this policy?

Some people don’t think so. In fact, one mother is saying this is discriminatory against autistic children. The article doesn’t actually state if that particular mother even goes to the restaurant in question or if she just wants to make some noise of her own…but maybe that’s the whole point.

Armes has stated that nobody will actually be kicked out of Olde Salty because of their children, but instead will be asked to go outside until their child calms down.

“We want to attract the type of people that come in knowing they aren’t going to have to sit behind a table with a bunch of screaming children.” – Brenda Armes

I gotta be 100% honest here when I say that while I don’t think this policy is right, it wouldn’t necessarily prevent me from going to that restaurant if their menu was appealing to me.

So what do YOU think?  Is this just a horrific idea?  Would it deter you from going?  Is it the restaurant’s choice or can this be considered discriminatory and, thus, illegal?

7 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in family, parenting, questions, Thoughts on stuff

March 25, 2010

“Just Friends”: Can a single man really do it?

By Canadian Bald Guy

There has been a recent situation with Sunshine and one of her friends that has raised quite the question: Can a single man really be “just friends” with a woman?

Surely, this question has been raised before. As I mentioned briefly last week, Sunshine had a single male friend who she recently had a falling out with. Recently, she asked me what I thought about the possibility of her and the girls going out on a camping trip with him overnight (or two). To me it just seemed odd for a single straight guy to want to do that. So I told her straight-up that I felt weird about it but I trusted her to do whatever she wanted to do. She ended up telling her friend that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to go camping, at which point the guy got upset and admitted that he felt jealous of me and had feelings for her.

This has led Sunshine to question a LOT of his motives from conversations over the past few months. I told her straight-up that I thought she should give him the benefit of the doubt and that things he said to her weren’t said with a hidden agenda in mind.

All of this story leads me back to the original question: Can a single man really be “just friends” with a woman?

My thoughts? In a nutshell, no…but with a catch.

I honestly think it’s impossible for a single guy to be “just friends” with a woman if there’s even the REMOTE possibility of attraction (and whether or not she’s even single to begin with). Why? I think it’s just the natural order of things. Guys, when single, are easily attracted to others. When you throw in friendship…the basis to any relationship…with an attraction then feelings will inevitably get involved in one way, shape, or form.

If there’s no attraction, then obviously there’s no crush.

I dunno…maybe I’m way off here. I can only give my opinion based upon my own experiences, and I’ve been in that exact situation myself. Heck…I’ve fallen for a friend on more than one occasion, even when I didn’t want to do it.

So what do you think? Am I way off just because of my own personal previous situations? Do you think a single man can be JUST FRIENDS with a woman?

WHAT SAY YOU??

34 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in dating, questions, relationships

March 18, 2010

Hums ‘n’ Huhs

By Canadian Bald Guy

Just as an FYI…I was kinda inspired by Mindy’s recent post about movie soundtracks, so I’ve sprinkled some ‘hums’ in between the ‘huhs’. M’kay?

07-17-09

1. A few weeks ago, Sunshine asked me if I would be interested in looking after her girls for a day and I jumped at the opportunity. See, the girls are on their spring break and Sunshine is working…so where I’ve got Friday I decided to travel down after work tonight so I could handle some “parental duties” tomorrow. I won’t lie…I’m a bit on the nervous side. But her girls are awesome and I love ‘em. I mean, I’ve gotta get ready for the eventuality of me playing the “fatherly role”. I’m not their dad, nor will I ever be their dad. But I’m ready to be another male role model in their life…even if I’m totally unprepared to handle two hyper girls (lol). Like I said…I’m a bit nervous, but I’m really looking forward to it.

2. What 80′s movie about a rock’n'roll brother and sister team starred a guy who was famous for being a snob in a TV family sitcom? Answer here. Single/video here.

3. Sunshine has a friend. It’s a male friend. They’ve been friends for about a year now and I’ve never really had a huge problem with their friendship. I mean, I totally trust Sunshine 100% and the guy is seen as nothing but a friend from her point of view. Recently, though, she asked me what I thought about the possibility of her and the girls going out on a camping trip with him overnight (or two). Now, maybe it’s just me…but that just seems odd for a single straight guy to want to do. So I told her straight-up: I feel weird about it but I trust you to do whatever you want to do. When she asked me to further go into “weird”, I simply asked her to reverse the situation and have me go camping overnight with a single woman friend. She ended up telling her friend that maybe it’s not such a good idea to go camping (her OWN decision, I need to stress). This has now caused tension with her friend. Should I feel guilty about this?

4. What 80′s movie starred an Olympic gymnast and Wayne Gretzky’s (then future) wife and had its hit single/video by one of the members of Duran Duran? Answer here. Single/video here.

5. I feel like I’m letting “Hot Dads” down. I was asked to be a contributor to a great blog and, admittedly, I haven’t been pulling my own weight over the past couple of months. Sure, I contribute here and there…but I feel like there’s more I could be doing. I just have a hard time differentiating between things I want to write about on my blog and things I want to write about on the Hot Dads blog. So I guess I’m apologizing for slacking off. I’ll do my best to get back into the swing of things.

6. What 80′s movie starred a bunch of kids and had a two-part music video that featured World Wrestling Federation wrestlers? Easy one, I think. Here is the entire 12-minute video (trust me…it`s worth the time to watch).

7. Is it wrong that I’m trying to convince two of my national salespeople to bring me down to the U.S. to visit a couple of customers primarily because I just want to go on a trip?  Well…with baseball season starting-up and having Random Esquire offer to take me out to dinner are also a bit of an incentive.  Heh.

8. What 80′s movie featured travelling down a “holiday road”? Single/video here.

9. Dammit…I’m up to 217.2lbs this week. I have simply GOT to stop cheating on my diet because I’m only cheating myself, y’know? FCUK me.

10. This 80`s movie is best-known for one scene involving an actor with a ghetto blaster over his head. That song/video here…and probably the best live performance of that song here.

8 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in dating, entertainment, fears, fun, Hot Dads, love, movies, music, questions, relationships, Sunshine

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