Category Archives: health

It’s A Marathon, Not A Sprint

So I’m off to see my dietician again this morning.  It’s my fourth visit since the beginning of the year and things are looking good so far in 2012.  I’m down 9.6lbs since January 1st, which I’m quite happy with.  I mean, it’s no “Biggest Loser” number or anything.

Ahhh…but that’s the kicker, isn’t it?  For as inspirational as that show may be, it’s sometimes difficult to remember that these folks aren’t working any real jobs during their time on the show. All they do is work out…all day every day. So if a 400lb man loses ten pounds in one week, that’s kind of to be expected.

Any other time I’ve tried to lose weight, I’ve gone down a few pounds in the first week or two then have given up.  Whether it’s because I told myself that I was done trying or if it was because I told myself I had done enough, I never seemed to stick with things for more than a few weeks.

I’m about to start my second month of this new living experience. At this point, it hasn’t been nearly as tough as I thought it would be. Sure, the first couple of weeks were bad…but that was more about me trying to break some REALLY unhealthy habits.  Sunshine told me that I’d be doing healthy things out of habit after a few weeks and y’know what? I am.

As I enter my 40th year of life, I almost feel like I’m learning how to live all over again.  Here are some of the changes I’ve made thus far in 2012:

  • My after-hours snacking is at a minimum. And when I do snack, the worst I’m having is some popcorn.  
  • I’m walking at least 30 minutes every single day, whether the weather co-operates or not. I’ve been outside in some crazy sub-zero temperatures, too…so I’m definitely dedicated to increasing my walking and exercise habits as the weather gets better.
  • I’m eating more vegetables. Am I eating Sunshine-levels of veggies?  Heck no. But I’m having 3 to 5 servings of veggies most days, and that’s a HUGE change for me.
  • I’m eating breakfast regularly. One of the things I’ve learned is that I absolutely NEED to eat breakfast early because it kick-starts my metabolism.  If I skip breakfast, like I’ve been doing for the past 20+ years, my body doesn’t know that it needs to get going so it’s a major reason why my metabolism is so bloody slow and I’m the size that I am.
  • I’m counting calories. I’m not on a diet…I’m just making better choices.  I can still squeeze in a chocolate bar every now and then, but only if my daily calorie count says I can. I’m trying to stay at 2,000 calories or less per day, and by eating more healthy choices it’s actually leaving a bit more room to have the occasional 300-calorie treat.

I’m not saying I’m an expert or anything. I’m not claiming to have found all of the answers.  But at this stage in the game, I’ve already gone farther into making permanent life changes than I ever have before…and it’s all a bit exciting.

Both my personal dietician and my healthy eating class dietician have said that if I lose 1 – 2 pounds per week, that’s the healthiest way to go.  Pretty much anything more than that you are probably going to gain back when all is said and done.

So 30 days, 10 pounds. That’s just over two pounds per week on average. If I continue this for just another couple of months and stay on track, I’ll have hit my goal by April.

So with February popping up tomorrow, I know that I’ve got two pretty difficult months in front of me. I’ve got twenty more pounds to lose and a lot of mental obstacles to overcome.

But with the way I’ve been feeling lately, I honestly think that I’m going to make it this time. I’m not only going to lose the weight that I’ve been wanting to lose for the past five or six years, but I’m going to do it in a way that helps me continue to maintain a healthy weight going forward.

It’s not a marathon, it’s a sprint…and I’m doing whatever I can to ensure that regardless of WHEN I finish, all that matters is the end result.

And if I can do it, ANYBODY can do it.


Visualizing a great you

As I’ve mentioned over the past few months, I’ve been going through a depression that’s been extremely difficult to kick.  It’s really been a combination of a multitude of things over the past year, and everything seemed to culminate in late November/early December.

I feel like I’ve been happy lately, though…and I attribute that to a few different things. 

The first is obviously my incredible relationship with Sunshine.  At the risk of sounding lame (and I know that people are already rolling their eyes), it just seems that we end up getting closer and closer together every single time we’re together. I can’t imagine my life without her in it.

The second has been my Employee Assistance Program contact through work. “Tom” has been absolutely amazing…not only being able to recognize things through my multi-layered messages, but to also relate to a number of things in my life because of similarities in his own.  Just to be able to dive into some things that I didn’t really care to dive into (like my feelings on my dad’s relationship with his new fiance) have helped me a lot. 

The final road to being happy again has been to find the self-esteem that I’ve long been unable to find within myself.  To say I’ve had self-esteem issues over the years would be a tremendous under-statement. But somehow that has been changing a bit over the last month or so.  I don’t know if I’m quite ready to say that I love myself yet, but I feel like I’m finally going down a path that could very well lead me there…and that’s an exciting feeling to have.

One of the exercises I’ve been asked to perform is trying to visualize a great me.  Not just picturing myself thin and on a beach somewhere counting my money, but to realistically sit with my eyes closed while trying to visualize what is great about me…and that’s something I’ve never really done before.

Imagine…

…being healthy.  What does that mean to me?  It means being able to watch my son grow up. It means being able to fully enjoy the second half of my life in a much better way than I did the first half. It means not always looking over my shoulder to see if a heart disease or clogged artery is coming after me.  It’s really me living life to the fullest and being happy. So for the first time in my life, my health is a big priority for me.

…being positive about myself. What would it mean to NOT be so self-depreciating all the time? What would it feel like to not have doubts or negative feelings about every little aspect of myself?  If I can look at myself in the mirror and smile knowing that there are a number of positive traits about myself that I’ve always refused to recognize, just imagine how good that feeling will be if I mean it.

…feeling energized. Life is entering a very scary yet exciting time for me. The health changes, the weight loss changes, moving on from mom’s death, knowing that the future is full of fun and possibilities as long as I continue to maintain a firm grasp on the present…visualizing being happy and excited for life on a daily basis will truly be an incredible feeling if I allow myself to feel it.

…being at a healthy weight. This all began because I spoke to a dietician back in early November and got scared about my weight. I hated the way I looked and it was not only affecting me mentally, but it was having physical effects, as well.  I finally TRULY realize that losing weight in a healthy way is not a race but a marathon.  My lifestyle changes are small and slow yet steady and ongoing…and eventually these changes are going to benefit me physically.  I’m down almost eight pounds since January 1st, so my journey is taking me in the right direction.  I’m seeing a dietician every week and am attending healthy eating classes every week.  I’m making changes and sticking to them, even when I’m alone and the only person accountable for keeping me in line is myself.

It’s not going to be easy and it’s not going to happen overnight, but I’m more committed to making these changes than I ever have been before, and I gotta say…visualizing a great me isn’t too far of a stretch at the moment.


A Quick Health Update

Since January 1st, I’ve made a serious commitment to not just lose weight, but to become healthier overall.

I was inspired by the results of the blood work that I got last month because I was healthier than I had feared. Knowing that it wasn’t too late has been a big boost to my motivation, especially with 40 just around the corner later this year.

I went to my dietician last week and got my Body Mass Index looked at. Let’s just say that the results were less than pleasing (I’m in the higher-end range for a future heart condition at my current weight and age) and only went to motivate me more.

So now I’m seeing a dietician once a week and am attending a 12-week healthy eating course.  I’m down 5 pounds from the beginning of the year and I’ve been making a lot of healthier choices lately.  I’m even counting my calories on a daily basis using CalorieCount.com (if you’re already signed up, you can find me here and be a moral supporter).

I’m feeling better about myself than I have in years. I’m still definitely overweight…and the vast majority of my extra weight is in my stomach, which in itself isn’t good…so feeling better about myself is a huge step in the right direction.

I think I’m finally beginning to come to terms with my depression. I don’t know if it was a “mom thing” or a “holiday thing”, but the last week or two has seen me feeling good…even with some restless sleepless nights and vivid dreams about my mom.  After discussions with my dietician, it turns out that I might have sleep apnea. My appointment should take place sometime in the next few weeks (I’m waiting to hear back from them), so I’ll hopefully find out one way or the other soon.

I’ve tried to be healthy before. I’ve tried to diet before. But for some reason, I could never seem to maintain my motivation.  While not going all “hardcore” this time around with dieting, I’m doing more to help myself get healthier than I ever have in my entire life…and I’m feeling a lot better about myself because of it.

I still have a ways to go, though.  I still sit at home in the evenings in a dark room in front of the laptop when I should be doing other things, but I’m a work in progress…and I feel that for the first time in over a year, my progress is good.


A Health Update

Last month I participated in Movember, which wasn’t just an excuse to grow facial hair in a strange way but a way to promote awareness of prostate cancer in men.  Y’see, men apparently have a difficult time getting check-ups and physicals and a lot of the time never realize there is anything wrong with them until it’s too late.

In addition to it being Movember, a dietician had visited my workplace to discuss weight loss and general health issues associated with being overweight. I actually got scared after realizing just how unhealthy I had the potential to be…and where I was in terms of risk.

I’ve never had a physical in my life. I grew up not caring what I did to my body.  But I turn 40 next year, my mother passed away earlier this year, and I hope to soon be officially part of Sunshine’s family (meaning I’d be a step-father to her awesome girls)…so I figured as though I now had even more reasons to start taking care of myself.

While I still don’t have a family physician and I haven’t had a physical done, I did have an appointment scheduled with that same dietician to get an overall cholesterol test done. The results were not only good, but quite encouraging.

I took a 10 Year Coronary Disease Risk Assessment, which would basically tell me if I was in a high, medium, or low risk category for some form of heart disease. Because of my general state of unhealth, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be doing this. Each category was assigned points and then, in the end, the points would be added up to tell me my 10-year risk percentage.

The first thing to discuss was my blood pressure. I wasn’t too concerned about it because (1) Sunshine and I had taken our blood pressure together once before to see “whose was better” (I called it a tie as we both had good results) and (2) I just gave blood last week, and in order to donate you need to have good blood pressure.  So while not optimal, my results were 133/78 and 127/81. These results were considered average, so that was a good first start.

The next thing I did was get my blood tested. It was a simple prick of the finger and took about five minutes or so for their little machine to analyze the results.

My total cholesterol was 4.5.  Cholesterol results come from two types: HDL and LDL. As described to me, HDL is the “healthy” cholesterol and LDL is the “lousy” cholesterol. You want results of greater than 1.0 in your HDL test results, and then at that point you can determine what you want your LDL results to be (as one number affects the other in terms of what you want your TOTAL cholesterol to be).

My HDL was 0.85, which was lower than what I want it to be. The good news is that all I need to do is to increase some Omega 3 in my diet (preferably by fatty fish like salmon and trout) and that number should increase. My LDL was 3.14, which was below the recommended high number of 5.0…so in the end my overall cholesterol total of 4.5 was only slightly above the recommended 4.1 total. So while the “healthy” cholesterol isn’t as high as it should be, the “lousy” cholesterol is low enough as to not be accumulating and clogging my arteries.

This was a HUGE relief to me because I really didn’t know what my cholesterol was going to look like.

The next test was for glucose (i.e. sugar) in my blood. I was scheduled for a diabetes test a couple of weeks ago, but due to timing and scheduling I was unable to get it done. Turns out yesterday’s test did that for me.  My glucose level was at 5.44, which was a tad on the high side but not over the “red line number” of 5.60…so that meant I’m NOT diabetic!

Again, this was another HUGE relief to me because I’m certainly at risk due to my height and weight.

There were also points assigned for age and whether or not I smoked (I quit almost eight years ago).  Here is how the points broke down…

  • Being between 35-39 ended up giving me 2 points (below 35 was 0, the next age group of 40-44 was 5 points…which is a huge jump).
  • Being a non-smoker gave me 0 points (it would be 4 points if I smoked).
  • My total cholesterol result of 4.5 gave me 1 point (less than 4.1 would have given me 0 points, with the next step up being results of 5.2 to 6.2 giving 2 points).
  • Not being diabetic gave me 0 points (being diabetic would have added 3 points).
  • My HDL levels were at 0.85, which is too high and gave me the maximum 2 points. Ideally, I want to be over 1.6 (-2 points!) but at this point any improvement is going to be a good thing going forward.
  • My blood pressure results were good, so it resulted in me getting 0 points.

Add it all up and I ended with 5 points. On their 10-year risk assessment chart, 5 points equals a 3.9% chance  of getting a coronary heart disease sometime within the next ten years…which is a LOW result (less than 10% is low, 10%-19% is medium, and anything 20% or over is considered a high risk for heart disease).

All in all, I was really stoked to receive this news. I honestly was scared going into the test, and once I got the results I almost felt like crying right there in the doctor’s office.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean that I slack off. What this means is that with me entering another risk category next year just by turning 40 (which would have given me a result of 6.7% risk if the results were the same a year from now), now is the time to make the changes that I need to make in order to stay as healthy as I possibly can.

I’ve got four children I want to see grow up. I’ve got an amazing woman in my life that I want to grow old with. In order to achieve those two things, I need to stay healthy.

So my New Year’s Resolution is already set in stone. I need to improve on these numbers as best I can so that in a year from now, when I take the test again, I won’t only have a similar result but a better one.

Next up in January is my body-weight assessment, which is the primary reason I scheduled an appointment with the dietician to begin with. I could very well be at risk for other health issues, so meeting with her again and getting this assessment done will be the next step towards a leaner and healthier CBG.


Seeking Clarity

As a lot of you know, it’s been a pretty rough year for me. I haven’t been myself since my mom got sick again just over a year ago. When she passed away in February, I thought I would be able to slowly get back to myself.

What I have found, however, is that I put on a good show for the people at work. I put on a show for my family. I sometimes put on a show for friends on Facebook and Twitter. I even put on a show sometimes for my blog readers.  But at the heart of it all, something’s just not right.

Sunshine has known it for months. I’m still loving and happy when we’re together (I feel “whole” when we’re together), but there are still times when she sees me act in a certain way and just doesn’t know what to do.

I don’t know if this is entirely tied to my mother’s passing, but it seems like every little negative thing in my life ends up being exponentially more negative. Things that I have control over…things that I don’t have control over…things that are work related or family related…things that may be a big deal or a very small deal…they all seem to resonate within my mind and stay with me longer than they should. They also affect me adversely, as though I have no control over my feelings.

I did a bit of research yesterday and came to a conclusion that may or may not be accurate. I don’t know if what I think is going on really is the case, because I never really thought about it before.

Depression.

I’ve always thought that being depressed was simply a “mind over matter” situation.  I mean, if I’m smiling and having fun with people then how in the world can I be depressed? 

The fact of the matter is that I’ve been showing more and more symptoms of clinical depression over the past couple of months, especially within the last few weeks. That scares me because it not only affects me, but those around me.

So I’ve decided to get help and find clarity by contacting my Employee Assistance Progam (EAP) through work, which is an awesome benefit of my job. I’ve explained to them what is going on inside my head. I’ve sent them details on things that may or may not be the cause of my feelings. I’ll let them decide what the situation is and we’ll take things from there.

For whatever reason, at this point everything looks foggy and blurry in my life…as if I’m just living in a haze from day to day.  I want to seek some clarity and try to see things for what they really are.

I want to love life again.

I don’t want to feel this way anymore.


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