Category Archives: happiness

February 17, 2012

Carnival Depression Syndrome

It’s been just over a year since Sunshine and I made our way down to the Caribbean on our first cruise together. It wasn’t just an amazing time. It wasn’t just an incredible time. It was flat-out one of the most incredible experiences we’ve ever had, both individually and as a couple.

Sunshine had never been out of the country before and I hadn’t been on a “real” vacation with a significant other since…well…ever. The trips I took with my ex-wife were either to Ontario or somewhere that was equally depressing (mind you, we did go to Florida once but we argued the entire time and slept in separate beds…NOT fun).

To say that the two of us have been desperate to go back would be a tremendous understatement. I believe what we have is similar to Pandora Depression Syndrome.

Wait…what??

Yeah, that’s right. It’s a “medical condition” that appeared about a year or so ago when people who had seen Avatar subsequently fell into a deep depression at their inability to access a world in reality as beautiful, entrancing and spiritual as Pandora, the mythical planet depicted in the film (it was also one of the explanations for people watching an average movie with incredible special effects repeatedly in theatres). So while not a completely similar situation, needless to say we’ve been hankering to go back to some absolutely AMAZING locations.

We’ve got Carnival Depression Syndrome.

While not technically diagnosed by anybody, this is what I believe we’ve got. I mean, it’s the only rational explanation. Well…not really rational, but it’s an explanation nonetheless.

We think we MIGHT be able to pull it off this year. And if we do, we definitely want to do another Carnival cruise. Here’s a recap of what we did last year that made it so bloody memorable for us…

This was taken in Miami, Florida on the morning we left on the Carnival Glory. How beautiful is Sunshine in this pic? How lucky am I???

This is the view of Miami from the deck of the Carnival Glory as we were leaving for the Caribbean. To live here would be a dream.

Listen...I've got THREE of these bad-boys and Sunshine has two. I mean, we cleaned up!! Y'see, Carnival gives out a "ship on a stick" for contests and things like that. It's just a fun, cheap souvenir for people to take home.

While taking a taxi tour around Nassau, Bahamas...our driver simply pulled over next to a residential neighbourhood so we could take a photo. Can you imagine living in this part of the world?

Locked up in the Bahamas! I mean, what other time in your life can imagine getting inside a 200 year old jail cell in the heart of the Bahamas just for a photo op?

We got a towel animal every single night when we returned to our cabin. Unless your significant other is going to learn this special skill, you're not going to find it anywhere else.

Imagine sitting on the Lido deck of a beautiful cruise ship on a gorgeous sunny day. You're casually relaxing with a book next to the window and you look out at the harbour next to you. THIS is what you're looking at.

Paradise? Yes...I'd say so! A picture from the top of Paradise Point via the St. Thomas Skyride in the U.S.Virgin Islands.

This is the view from the top of Paradise Point in the U.S. Virgin Islands. That is our cruise ship, the Carnival Glory. How beautiful is this?

We were up early to get some exercise on the ship's walking track as we entered San Juan, Puerto Rico. Someone was kind enough to offer to take our picture as we sailed in. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this picture with the sunrise behind us over Old San Juan. It's not something you'd get a picture of every day. Y'know...unless you LIVED in San Juan.

This is one of my favorite pictures from the trip. It's Sunshine dipping her toes in to the ocean by San Juan, Puerto Rico. We were on a bus tour and only stopped at this beach for a few minutes, but the photo ops were incredible.

Here it was St. Patrick's Day (hence the green shirts) and we were at Castillo San Felipe del Morro in Old San Juan. When you see a big grassy hill and you're not really doing anything else and Sunshine "dares" you to roll down the hill with her, what are you supposed to do? LIVE FOR THE MOMENT!!

It's not every day that you get to walk up and down cobblestone streets. San Juan was absolutely incredible to experience.

Where else can you arrive on a cruise ship to a gorgeous, deserted beach only to find that it's 100% reserved for YOU ONLY?? Carnival owns a section of Grand Turk in the Turks & Caicos islands. We arrived to see hundreds of empty beach chairs and towels. I'm not much of a beach person, but DANG this was cool.

I'm not much of a beach person and my skin makes me not much of a sun person, either...so this was my view on the beach. Y'know, lounging in a chair looking at the crystal clear blue waters and surrounded by palm trees isn't the worst thing in the world to experience. At all.

This is probably my favorite shot from the entire cruise. Gorgeous day, beautiful beach, amazing waters, palm trees off to the side, the Carnival Glory right behind us, and two smiles that have been frozen in time.

It's not every day one gets to not only sing an Elton John song in a karaoke performance, but to actually dress up like him and perform in front of a couple hundred people!

After performing with other "famous artists" in a big production number, we were out in the lobby area taking photos with cruise ship guests. I think Sunshine became even MORE impressed with me knowing random strangers wanted to get their pictures taken with me! A star is born!!

As we entered Miami at the end of our cruise, this was how we felt. And to be honest, it's been the same feeling ever since. WE NEED TO GO BACK!!!

8 comments | tags: Avatar, Bahamas, Carnival, Carnival Cruise, Carnival Cruises, Carnival Glory, cruises, cruising, fun, good times, Grand Turk, happiness, life, love, Nassau, Pandora Depression Syndrome, photography, Puerto Rico, San Juan, St Thomas, Turks & Caicos, U.S. Virgin Islands | posted in depression, happiness, photography, tourism, travel

January 26, 2012

Visualizing a great you

By Canadian Bald Guy

As I’ve mentioned over the past few months, I’ve been going through a depression that’s been extremely difficult to kick. It’s really been a combination of a multitude of things over the past year, and everything seemed to culminate in late November/early December.

I feel like I’ve been happy lately, though…and I attribute that to a few different things.

The first is obviously my incredible relationship with Sunshine. At the risk of sounding lame (and I know that people are already rolling their eyes), it just seems that we end up getting closer and closer together every single time we’re together. I can’t imagine my life without her in it.

The second has been my Employee Assistance Program contact through work. “Tom” has been absolutely amazing…not only being able to recognize things through my multi-layered messages, but to also relate to a number of things in my life because of similarities in his own. Just to be able to dive into some things that I didn’t really care to dive into (like my feelings on my dad’s relationship with his new fiance) have helped me a lot.

The final road to being happy again has been to find the self-esteem that I’ve long been unable to find within myself. To say I’ve had self-esteem issues over the years would be a tremendous under-statement. But somehow that has been changing a bit over the last month or so. I don’t know if I’m quite ready to say that I love myself yet, but I feel like I’m finally going down a path that could very well lead me there…and that’s an exciting feeling to have.

One of the exercises I’ve been asked to perform is trying to visualize a great me. Not just picturing myself thin and on a beach somewhere counting my money, but to realistically sit with my eyes closed while trying to visualize what is great about me…and that’s something I’ve never really done before.

Imagine…

…being healthy. What does that mean to me? It means being able to watch my son grow up. It means being able to fully enjoy the second half of my life in a much better way than I did the first half. It means not always looking over my shoulder to see if a heart disease or clogged artery is coming after me. It’s really me living life to the fullest and being happy. So for the first time in my life, my health is a big priority for me.

…being positive about myself. What would it mean to NOT be so self-depreciating all the time? What would it feel like to not have doubts or negative feelings about every little aspect of myself? If I can look at myself in the mirror and smile knowing that there are a number of positive traits about myself that I’ve always refused to recognize, just imagine how good that feeling will be if I mean it.

…feeling energized. Life is entering a very scary yet exciting time for me. The health changes, the weight loss changes, moving on from mom’s death, knowing that the future is full of fun and possibilities as long as I continue to maintain a firm grasp on the present…visualizing being happy and excited for life on a daily basis will truly be an incredible feeling if I allow myself to feel it.

…being at a healthy weight. This all began because I spoke to a dietician back in early November and got scared about my weight. I hated the way I looked and it was not only affecting me mentally, but it was having physical effects, as well. I finally TRULY realize that losing weight in a healthy way is not a race but a marathon. My lifestyle changes are small and slow yet steady and ongoing…and eventually these changes are going to benefit me physically. I’m down almost eight pounds since January 1st, so my journey is taking me in the right direction. I’m seeing a dietician every week and am attending healthy eating classes every week. I’m making changes and sticking to them, even when I’m alone and the only person accountable for keeping me in line is myself.

It’s not going to be easy and it’s not going to happen overnight, but I’m more committed to making these changes than I ever have been before, and I gotta say…visualizing a great me isn’t too far of a stretch at the moment.

2 comments | tags: depression, happiness, health, life | posted in depression, happiness, health

September 26, 2011

Here I go again

By Canadian Bald Guy

God…I’ve told myself that I was ready to ‘start over’ repeated times over the past few years. I can’t begin to tell you how many false starts I’ve actually had, though. Needless to say, it must have been every one of them because I’m still in a position where I feel like I need to do something.

Every time I try to diet, I fail. Every time I try to make a lifestyle change instead of diet, I fail. Every time I simply try to eat better, it works for a little while before I fail. Every time I feel like “tomorrow will be the day I exercise”, I fail. Every time I tell myself that I won’t sit in front of the laptop all night after work and I’ll actually do something around the house instead, I fail.

I realize that I have internal issues. These issues somehow have me convinced that I’m never truly happy unless I’m actually UNhappy. What’s weird to me is that I have this realization and I’m acutely aware of the situation, yet I constantly have trouble with trying to fix it or overcome it.

So here I go again. I’m starting today as if it’s a new day…as if I haven’t failed a million times already.

I’m starting today with a new exercise regimen…nothing too crazy because I don’t want to get turned off by it after a week, but something that I can at least get started on and work from.

I’m starting with new eating habits because I’m so effin’ tired of being unhappy with myself on a daily basis. I eat certain things and can’t believe I’ve eaten them, yet the next week I’m doing it all again. That’s GOT to end.

I’m starting today with the knowledge that even though I’ve lost ten pounds in a few weeks, that DOESN’T mean I can “slack off” like I’ve won something and am finished with my self-improvement.

I’m starting tonight with a new attitude towards life. I’m tired of sitting in my chair in front of the tv or the laptop every single night. NOTHING gets accomplished and life just seems to slowly drift on by.

I deserve more than what I’m currently providing myself. I deserve a life that’s worth living…not just a life I’m going through the motions on.

I saw this on a friend’s Facebook page this morning and it really hit me like a ton of bricks:

I realize that I’M the one who makes me feel like I don’t deserve what I want…and I’m done believing that.

I’m a 39 year old man who not only wants to believe that I’m just now half-way through my life, but I also want to enjoy the years I’ve got left. I want to be happy at 40…at 50…at 70. I want to be healthy and full of life. I want to never look back and say that I could have done something to change but didn’t.

So here I go again. Wish me luck.

8 comments | tags: happiness, health, life, losing weight, weight loss | posted in happiness, health

July 21, 2011

What will make you smile today?

By Canadian Bald Guy

As part of the 10 things I wanted to do before 2012, the last item on the list was a promise to myself that I would smile every day. Over the last couple of days, it’s been a little difficult to find the inspiration to do that.

I’m stressed, I’m tired, and I’m trying to work through some things concerning my dad’s new relationship and how I feel about it all. You’d think smiling once a day would be easy…sometimes it’s not.

So I’ve decided to post a couple of different photos of things that will make me smile today.

I had to pull over while driving home from visiting family on Sunday just so I could capture this moment with Ankle Biter. Obviously, it was a long day for him. Watching him sleep like this just brings a smile to my face.

I've been on Google + for a couple of weeks now and I'm still waiting for the "IT" moment to happen. It's not just that there aren't that many people on there yet, it's what exactly do I do with it that I can't do with Facebook or Twitter already? The whole "circle" thing is fine, I guess...but I can hide people's feeds on Facebook so that's kinda like a circle, isn't it? Anyway...I'm still waiting for folks to show up. C'mon and find me!!

Thinking of Sunshine ALWAYS makes me smile. Is it Friday yet?

10 comments | tags: Atomic Tom, Google +, happiness, joy, life, love, muppets, smile | posted in fun, happiness, music

July 13, 2011

I wish I was a baller…

By Canadian Bald Guy

I was going through some old posts from my previous (now private and well hidden) blog and found something from almost exactly three years ago. In the post I was wishing to be a person that I wasn’t at the time. I wasn’t in a very good place mentally and I think it shows in my words.

So I thought it would be interesting to see what I thought of myself at the time and follow each point up with comments on where I see myself today…

**********

I wish I could be one of those people who were positive all the time.

I’m definitely a positive person now. Without question. I actually had somebody at work yesterday ask me why I don’t let things bother me and if I could mentor others!! It took a lot of work, but my outlook on life in general is extremely positive…and life is better because of it.

I wish I could follow my own advice for others.

I think I’m still working on this one. The good thing is that I’m able to recognize the times when I need to take my own advice and do my best to pause, take a moment, and then heed it.

I wish I wasn’t so lazy.

Heh…I’m still working on this one, too. But I gotta say that I’m definitely not as lazy as I used to be three years ago.

I wish I didn’t feel so lonely all the time.

Even though I’m in a long-distance relationship with Sunshine, I don’t feel this way anymore. I may be alone most nights, but I’m not lonely.

I wish I could stop procrastinating.

This one will probably never change.

I wish I would think more before speaking my mind. I know not what I do sometimes.

This is something else I’ve definitely worked on over the last couple of years. I still say things I shouldn’t, but I’m a LOT better than I was.

I wish I could be “Zen”. Sometimes, negativity seems to pour over me like a cold shower in the morning.

Wow…the only shower that pours over me contains hot water and joy at a brand new day. It’s hard to believe that I was in that low of a place.

I wish I had more self-confidence. Not liking oneself isn’t exactly an attractive quality that women are clamoring over.

This is something I’m still working on today. It’s absolutely better than it was, but it’s a work in progress.

I wish I wasn’t always “just a friend”. Women seem to like me a lot but just not that much.

I think Sunshine has helped me in this category.

I sometimes wish I was smoking again. Certain things in my life seemed better during that time period. It’s a fleeting thought…but it’s always there.

I’ve been around smokers a lot over the past few years…even for a couple of hours last weekend…and it doesn’t bother me anymore. I don’t even think about smoking, so my hope is that it’s an addiction I’ve put to rest.

I wish depression would motivate me instead of de-motivate me. You would think that seeing my stomach hang over my belt every day would be a good incentive to work out and lose a ton of weight. But I’d much rather eat some chips or a Blizzard or something chocolate. It’s not called “comfort food” for nothing. I actually feel better when I eat junk…and then I look at myself in the mirror and get depressed for eating it. It’s a vicious cycle.

While I’m still working on this one, I’m starting to over-come it. I’ve lost 13 pounds within the last month and I’m keen on continuing on this path. Fingers crossed…I can stay motivated because I know I’ll feel a lot better when all is said and done.

I wish somebody would care about me for who I am…not for the person they want me to be. Or think I could be. Or wished I could be. I’m totally willing to try new things and try to be “that person”. Y’know, the one that is exactly what my companion wants me to be…but I want acceptance first for who I am before I follow someone else’s road of guidance and advice.

I never would have thought at the time that I would have found the PERFECT person for me who loves me for exactly as I am. What an amazing change this can make to one’s life.

I wish I didn’t complain so much. Sometimes life sucks. I just need to stand in line & buy a helmet.

Bought my helmet awhile ago. I’m good with life now.

I wish I would stop wishing for things that aren’t in my life right now. I need to slap myself, smarten up, and just LIVE.

While I still think I’m capable of having more of a “life”, I’m not wishing for things that are out of my control anymore. I’m doing my best to appreciate what I do have instead…it makes life so much easier to handle.

**********

Wow…I can tell you without question that I’m in SUCH a better place today than I was three years ago. It’s amazing how much I’ve changed and how some things are still the same.

The bottom line is that I’m always improving…never giving up…and never again letting life kick me to the curb regardless of what it might throw my way.

3 comments | tags: emotions, life, life changes, self-analysis, self-confidence, self-esteem | posted in happiness, sadness, Stream of Consciousness