I got to talk with a couple of my favorite ladies last night: my mom and my daughter.
I love you mom. We'll get through this.
Mom’s doing okay while in the hospital in Halifax, NS. She’s been able to walk from the bed to the bathroom and from the bed to the doorway without the leg giving out on her, so that’s a very encouraging sign.
She’s sad, though, because none of her friends or family lives in Halifax (other than Sunshine, of course). So she’s lonely. VERY lonely. My dad has been driving up almost every single day since she was hospitalized with the exception of the last two days because of the winter storm…but she feels like she’s missing out on so many things and she just wants to be able to go home.
The problem is that when her leg is healthy enough, the doctors will want to operate on her back. She has a ruptured disc that needs repairing and it’ll be a sensitive operation because the disc was injured due to the tumors in her back. So there is a possibility of paralysis if the cancer attacks her spinal cord. And where the doctors almost lost mom twice on the operating table when her leg was operated on last week, they want to make sure her body can handle another operation.
I explained that when I talked to Rugrat last night and I think she understood. She simply said that she hoped that “nany was feeling better”. It was yet another awkward phone call where she was happy to talk to me and liked talking about herself, but was playing with her PSP and really wanted to get back to it.
I know I shouldn’t take that personally. I have this fantasy that she can’t wait to talk to me on the phone, but I guess at 12 years old and a plane ride away that’s just not a realistic fantasy. Her birthday is next weekend, actually. It’s hard to believe that my little girl is turning 12. Wow.
She said that she wanted to come visit and wanted to know when I could fly her in. I told her that Sunshine and I had tossed around the idea of maybe visiting her in Toronto instead. She immediately shot that down and said that she’d rather come here. I laughed and asked why because she usually gets bored at my house after five minutes. She just laughed and said if I came up there that she’d want to hang out the entire time…so I guess that was a good thing.
This brings me to Sunshine. Sunshine’s been having a pretty tough week. Because of this tough week, we haven’t talked on the phone in a few days. And with both of us having the kids this weekend, we may not get around to talking until Sunday.
When she’s hurting or having a difficult time, Sunshine withdraws from me. I guess I’m the same way so it’s not like I fault her for it or anything, but I just wish I could help her. The thing is that we’re both alike in a number of ways, and dealing with difficulties on our own is how we’ve always done things. It’s probably not the healthiest way to work through issues, but it’s just how we process and move forward.
The sound of silence…sometimes it’s golden, sometimes it’s lonely. I’m hoping that silence is broken sooner rather than later because I simply want to be there for her the way that she’s there for me.