I can’t believe how jumpy I am.
I mean…I feel like I want somebody to jump out of a passing car and start a fight with me just so I can punch them. It’s really quite odd to have this feeling and it’s like nothing I’ve felt in a very long time.
There just seems to be so much going on at once right now that I’m just at a loss for words in my attempt to handle everything.
- My mom’s cancer is back and it’s nerve-wracking to even think about.
- My new job is extremely stressful and there’s a lot of pressure to do well quickly based upon my qualifications.
- My daughter is flying in next week for a 2-week visit.
- Money issues…but there are ALWAYS money issues.
- My diet just started.
Wait…my diet?
Or my “lifestyle change” or whatever it is that you want to call it. I know…I’ve been down this road before. I’ve tried losing weight previously and have had a little bit of success, but nothing compared to what I wanted to accomplish. There always seemed to be something pulling me in a “poor choice” direction.
This time is different, though.
I eat when I’m stressed. I’ve been stressed over the past few weeks. I’ve been relying on food as a form of “comfort” recently and now I’m the heaviest I’ve been in over three years. What does that mean? It means that now this is a health issue for me.
My health being a major concern is my motivation this time around. Y’see, when I quit smoking seven years ago my ex-wife had told me that she would never marry a smoker…so I quit smoking and always used that as a motivation. I even lost over 20 pounds for my wedding. I don’t know if I’ve really had something that provided THAT much motivation since then.
I’m not healthy. I want to be healthy. Period.
But here’s the thing; I feel like I want to punch somebody. How insane is that? I’ve only gone ONE DAY without snacking at any point and I already want to pull some random stranger by the cuff of the shirt out of their car and just punch them for no reason.
I had the same feelings when I quit smoking over seven years ago.
And even worse, I snapped at Sunshine on the phone last night (ugh…I’m such a tool). I told her immediately afterwards that she’s doing a great job at supporting me and I was just jumpy and jittery…but I think I reacted in a way that she didn’t expect and certainly didn’t deserve.
In fact, I’ve had a “quivering eye” for three straight days now. After looking it up, the major contributing factors to having my eyelid quiver uncontrollably include high levels of anxiety, fatigue, stress, overwork, and a lack of sleep. Yeesh.
I’ve turned to food for comfort recently (more so than normal) and I don’t really know why. What I do know is that I need to work this out and resolve any issues I’ve got because the last time I had stress like this I went into a VERY negative place. I need to make sure I turn the stress into a POSITIVE outcome…and my hope is that exercise and a proper eating regimen will be the outlet that I need.
As Sunshine told me, if I can turn to something like exercise as an outlet instead of food then who knows what I’m capable of.
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:08 am
Dude….. with everything you have going on right now, don’t feel bad about eating. There’s always time to get that in line later. Right now, do what you have to do to make it through the day. Including punching people
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:35 am
I have a lot of experience in this area of life (we can chat about that elsewhere if you like).
The most important thing you need to do is make a game plan. How do you want to deal with the stress? Is there real stress or are you letting things pile up and not just deal with them? what can you control and what can’t you control? The latter are things you’re going to just have to surrender to.
I’ve also had a mom with cancer. You have no control over that situation. And that is incredibly scary. And stress inducing. And anger inducing. So let it all out. Punch the living poop out a bag at the gym, get in your car alone, drive on a deserted road and scream at the top of your lungs until you can’t breathe, find someway to let it out. And then let it be.
Because once you do, you can then give your new job more focus and energy. You can be there for your kids. You can be there for your mom. And you can do it all without killing yourself in the process. Stress is a bigger contributer to poor health than excess weight.
You made a great start by writing it all down in your blog.
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:59 am
So punch something! Hopefully no someone, but getting it out of you would be good. My hubby gets like this too, when he is stressed or hungry…except he wants to take out a grenade launcher and blow slow cars up on the highway. Thankfully, we do not own a grenade launcher. lol.
Good luck. Sending good thoughts for your mum.
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:22 am
Yep, I was thinking exercise too. Particularly boxing. Why the hell not?
And yes, the quivering eye. Been there, done that. I have a friend going through the same symptoms for the same reasons.
Take care of yourself. Find an outlet. It will be the best way to get through everything else.
xxoo
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:06 am
Wow – I LITERALLY had a good friend of mine say the same thing yesterday – she wanted to pick a fight with someone just to let out some anger and frustration she was having, and punch someone in the face. Weird. Anyway, I agree that you need to take care of yourself mentally first before throwing the diet in – sure, it is something you want to do, but you have a TON on your plate, one step and day at a time, right? And no punching anyone…that will only land you in jail ;-P
August 3rd, 2010 at 12:11 pm
I experience that, too….wanting someone to be an asshole so I have an excuse to go medieval on their ass. Not a good feeling.
August 3rd, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Ha! Medieval on their ass – that’s a good one.
August 3rd, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Not that my 5’2″ self is very menacing, but I can have a rotten temper!
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Stress is definitley hard on your health. The lack of sleep also makes me more irritible. I just let loose on the blog every now and then, excpet lately I’ve been holding back since the exes read. Yeah, punching someone would be a nice release. If only…
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I agree with T! Find yourself a gym that has a ring, find a boxing instructor and go spar!
This is my #2 stress reliever – boxing. (The first is selflovin, but with violent tendencies right now, maybe you should avoid it
)
Getting in the ring gets out every last drop of energy in my body and with a good sparring partner, you get your ass kicked just enough in return.
When I go to the gym to fight, I come home completely spent emotionally, physically, mentally, and it’s like I have a clean slate again.
Do it. Go get your butt kicked
August 4th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
I have anger, stress and anxiety issues and I find that the only thing that really calms me down is a good sweat. The gym is huge at releasing all the crappy toxins!
Good luck!
August 4th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
Oh man, you’ve got THE RAGE.
ANGRY HULK!
RAWR!