Monthly Archives: June 2010
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes…
Exactly two weeks ago today, I was on a business trip and walking through downtown Chicago when my phone rang. It was my supervisor from work asking if I had a moment to talk.
Y’see, every year at work we have annual evaluations on our work performance. We discuss what we’ve done and also where we want to go within the company. I had given a few different ideas of where I wanted to go and, as fate would have it, my supervisor was now on the phone asking if I wanted to discuss one of those ideas for real.
Of course, I jumped at the opportunity.
It’s not an upward move, though…it’s a lateral move in the corporate world…so no pay increase or anything insanely awesome will be coming my way any time soon. But here’s the thing…I’ve been doing the same job for just over three years now. And not to sound cocky, but I’m better than what I’m doing. I’ve got more to offer my company. I’ve got more to bring to the table…I just need a legit opportunity.
So upon my return to work last week, I had a “secret meeting” with my potential new supervisor. He told me, flat out, that if I did the job I was capable of doing in this new position then my next move WOULD be an upward move.
So I’ve been keeping this secret for two weeks now. I’ve been going day-to-day with my co-workers and have been unable to discuss this new position with anybody. It’s one of those “let’s keep it hush hush until all of the red tape is completed” kind of deals.
Today, however, is when the announcement is supposed to be made.
My work location will be different. My teammates will change. My entire job will be something new and exciting. As a result of this new job, my visitation with Ankle Biter will also change (the ex and I still haven’t come up with a permanent alternative plan, but she’s absolutely willing to work with me to not only accommodate my new hours, but ensure I still get quality time with my son).
How I work with these changes, not through them, is going to be the real test.
The Cactus
I’m frustrated. I’m disappointed. I’m confused.
I’m not always there for Sunshine when she needs me. I try my best, but I’m far from perfect. What’s worse is that we’re in a long-distance relationship, so it’s even more important that I’m there for her when she needs me. The problem this weekend was that I thought I was, but I wasn’t.
She was having a day where she just wanted me to reassure her that everything was okay between us (no need to go into the details as to why). I told her in a way that was short and sweet and to the point. I just said,
“We’re fine. I love you. XOX.”
To me, the answer served its purpose and I didn’t really feel it needed much more than that. She wanted a bit more, though. Not excessively, though…she simply asked me to provide some more reassurance and do so in a gentle and loving way.
I didn’t know what else she wanted.
I asked her to tell me what she wanted to say because I immediately felt backed into a corner…like what I had originally said wasn’t good enough or that she didn’t want to take me at my word. I felt like I was being asked to be somebody I wasn’t. I got defensive.
I turned into a relationship cactus.
She tried telling me, but I just couldn’t get it. I felt as though she had this ideal set up for me…that because I’m such a great boyfriend most of the time that I had these expectations to live up to ALL of the time.
I’m just not built that way, though. I am who I am.
Here it is two days later and I still don’t know what I was supposed to say that would have made her feel better. Maybe it’s because I’m still being defensive and I refuse to open my mind to the fact that a few extra words would have made all the difference in the world.
She’s tried explaining it. I just don’t get it. To me, I gave her what she wanted and when she wanted more…I just started shutting down because what I gave her apparently wasn’t good enough.
It’s not her fault. It’s totally mine.
But I’m still confused.
Never underestimate the kindness of strangers (or those you don’t know very well)
I honestly wasn’t sure how yesterday was going to turn out. When I realized that I needed $250 to book the cheapest flight possible to bring my daughter down to visit me for two weeks in August, I jokingly turned to Twitter and asked what body part I should sell.
Kate kinda jokingly said the following:
Now, I really didn’t think much of this at first. However, as the evening went on I started asking “Why not?” As I mentioned yesterday, pride takes a distant second to seeing my daughter.
I mentioned my idea to Sunshine on Wednesday night and she thought it wasn’t a bad idea. I honestly…absolutely 100%…didn’t think I’d raise the $250. I thought people would donate a couple of dollars here and there…maybe $5, maybe $10…and I’d be a lot closer to $250 than I was the day before.
I can’t even begin to adequately explain my shock when I started getting email updates.
It was 1:49pm EST…not even seven hours after posting my plea for a helping hand…when the final donation came in that helped me reach $250. I updated the blog post and said something on Twitter right away to make sure everybody knew and didn’t continue to send me money.
I was flabbergasted.
So now the flight has been booked for August 11th and she goes back on August 25th…two full weeks of Rugrat awesomeness! And what’s even better is that her trip coincides with my one-week vacation with Ankle Biter (while his babysitter is on vacation) and then Sunshine & her two girls will be coming to visit for a few days. So all in all, August is now going to be a tremendous month for so many reasons.
And I have all of you to thank. Even those who couldn’t afford to donate, your kindness on Twitter or in the blog post comments did not go unnoticed or unappreciated. As cheesy as it sounds, it truly IS the thought that counts. And the fact that you took the time to write me about wanting to donate but being unable to financially meant just as much to me as if you did donate.
Okay…I feel like I’m rambling now. The bottom line is that I’m humbled and so very appreciative for the kindness of others…some of whom I really wish I knew better…and my face is beginning to hurt from all of the smiling I’ve done over the past 24 hours.
So I guess all really want to say is…
CLICK THIS STUFF!!
Flickr? I hardly even know her!!
More PhotosUs yapping…..
thebitchdesk on HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE!!… thebitchdesk on Spring, sunshine, & middle… T on HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE!!… Jolene on HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE!!… mommasunshine on HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE!!… FYI
