Monthly Archives: January 2010

January 15, 2010

Just a little patience…

By Canadian Bald Guy

Sunshine emailed me last night and wanted to discuss our future.  She wanted some reassurances by coming up with some realistic future plans and alternatives to what we’re doing now.  That conversation ended up in an argument.

Here’s my take on things…

  • I do not want to leave my son yet.  He’s only 3 years old and is still just learning how to talk.  We’re just beginning our bond and I think I need to work on that bond awhile longer…at least until the end of this year.  My hope is that by December, our relationship will be strong enough that I can look at moving away and becoming an “every other weekend” father…just to be with Sunshine and her two girls.
  • Having said that, if that relationship isn’t as strong as I’d like it to be, then things will remain status quo.  Period.  My daughter missed out on having her father around full-time and I wasn’t strong enough to prevent her mom from moving away.  As a result, we’re not as close as I wish we were.  I will NOT do the same with my son.  I will fight with everything I’ve got to have a solid relationship with him…so it’ll be my job to make sure our relationship is tight enough so that I can then have the type of life that I want to have with Sunshine and her girls.
  • Am I content with the status quo?  No…but at this point there is no other short-term solution.  I can’t even afford internet at the moment (instead using my internet at work during breaks and using free internet at the local Starbucks to get my fix in addition to my Blackberry) so traveling back and forth any more than once every two weeks just isn’t feasible economically.
  • This relationship needs time and patience to develop.  I’m in this for the long-term, so trying to come up with any solidified long-term plans is certainly something I’d like to look at.  But the truth of the situation is simply that there are too many obstacles currently in our path to do that.  Are they immovable objects?  No…they’re just obstacles that will require a bit of time and patience to overcome.

During the conversation/argument last night, I didn’t give as much support as I should have given her.  I didn’t take the time to explain everything going on in my head.  At one point, I told her that if she didn’t have the patience to work through these obstacles then maybe she had to review things on her end.

In retrospect, not a cool thing to say.

But I guess it is how I feel.  I’m willing to be as patient as I need to be in order to make sure this relationship works long-term.  It’s not me being content with doing what we’re doing, but rather being realistic (in my opinion) of our current situation and the drawbacks that we face.

I know it’s tough on her.  I realize it’s hard because she’s a single mom of two awesome girls and she wants to be one big, happy family…with both of us sharing a love and a happiness that neither one of us have experienced before.  I wish I could tell her things to make her feel better.

But we agreed on total honesty, though sometimes I don’t say the right things because I’m being too blunt with my feelings. This honesty may cause some issues here and there, but we’ll both appreciate it when all is said and done.

One of my best friends had a long-distance relationship with his current fiancé for almost six years, and while I certainly don’t want us to go that long it certainly gives me a TON of hope knowing that we can totally make this work.

Time.  Patience.  Understanding.  Love.  These things will pull us through…what we share is too incredible to think otherwise.

10 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in dating, fears, happiness, parenting, relationships

January 14, 2010

My Afternoon Off (with a sick toddler…)

By Canadian Bald Guy

The Ex called me at work on Tuesday morning to let me know that Ankle Biter was running a fever and she was picking him up for the afternoon.  She took him to the local clinic to get checked out and asked if we could move around his suppertime visit with me to another day.

I told her that she didn’t have to do everything alone.  I have found that she wants to take the reigns on all things involving our son and I just don’t think she needs to take that burden 100% of the time.  So I told her that if Ankle Biter was sick and someone needed to take care of him, I was more than willing to be the one to take time off of work.  It just seemed silly that she was always the one making sacrifices.

Yesterday, she took me up on the offer.

My phone rang at 8:15am as I was leaving for work.  The Ex asked if I could look after our son in the afternoon and she’d take “the morning shift”.  Of course I said yes.

I picked him up at 12:45pm and we head off to my place for the afternoon.  We immediately got on the couch, got underneath a blanket, and popped Snow Buddies into the DVD player. And then Air Buddies. Then Charlotte’s Web.

His temperature hovered around 99.5 degrees all afternoon, so he was very warm and very tired.  But it was nice because he wasn’t sick sick.  It was a bonding experience, really.  It was just a really nice thing to cuddle with my little boy and try to make him feel better when he was sick.

I read blogs and tweets and stories of deadbeat dads and dads who call once a year and dads who are more concerned with their relationships with their girlfriends than with their own kids.  These stories never cease to baffle me.

My children are top priorities for me.  I’m far from perfect, but I want to be a constant in their lives…someone who is there when they need me. 

When Ankle Biter grows up, he’ll remember the times when dad spent the day with him when he was sick…because I think it’ll be a situation that happens multiple times in the years to come.

7 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in happiness, health, sickness, The Ankle Biter

January 13, 2010

CBG’s Biggest Loser: Week One Results

By Canadian Bald Guy

I knew this week would be difficult.  I really don’t want to start off by making excuses before I even get started, but there were two different events that was going to throw me off:

  1. A work function that Sunshine attended with me on Saturday night.  This function included an all-you-can-eat buffet and all-you-can-eat bacon-wrapped-scallops as a “snack” later in the evening.  While I think I behaved myself a bit, I still didn’t perform over the weekend as good as I would have liked.
  2. A business meal on Monday night.  This was a “team building event” and I ended up eating a lot more than I anticipated.  Of course, I got to try Alaskan king crab for the first time…so maybe it was worth it.

Sunshine made a comment in an email last night that she felt I wasn’t taking the diet as seriously as I could have, which conflicted with my genuine feelings on wanting to lose weight and feel better.

I was trying to come up with a reason why I’m always having such a hard time when it comes to dieting and it hit me: I have an addictive personality.  I was addicted to smoking for 16 years before finally quitting, and I think I’m now addicted to food.

I know…it sounds silly, but I think I need to focus on this whole diet as a way to overcome an addiction.  I find myself eating even when I’m not hungry, and that’s just a sign that I’m needing to really take this seriously and be aware of what I eat and when.

Okay…enough with my excuses.  At the weigh-in this morning, this is where I ended up after Week One:

Week One

 

Well, it could have been worse.  Nothing wrong with two pounds, I guess.  

Of course, it could have been a LOT better.  And I really think it will going forward.  I’m focused, I’m motivated, and I’m counting calories like I’ve never done before…so I’m anticipating a really good result for next week.

Wish me luck!

6 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in health

January 12, 2010

…but because they want to

By Canadian Bald Guy

“When I was a boy of 14 my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in only 7 years.” —Mark Twain

It’s funny…this quote really speaks to me. For me, though, the whole ‘learning thing’ was probably not until I got to be 31 and it wasn’t as much what my father had learned but what I had learned during those 14 years.

I used to dislike my dad. I used to not be able to talk to my dad. I thought he was a bully and I feared him during most of my childhood. It certainly wasn’t anything he did specifically and I don’t think he ever meant to come across that way, it’s just who he was. He has a hot temper…and I took the brunt of that anger on many an occassion growing up.

Rugrat & Ankle Biter: 01-05-10

As I’ve gotten older and have matured a bit, I’ve come to realize that I can’t change or control who my father is. Sure, he has mellowed a lot over time…but that doesn’t take away from my childhood memories. I could certainly sit here and stew and complain about a lot of things when it comes to my father and how he acted towards me as I grew up, but where would I go from there? What would be accomplished by that? How could I ever truly move on?

I know people who resent their parents. They believe that they were treated unfairly by their parents growing up and that their parents, even today, act a certain way as a form of personal vendetta somehow. Their relationships with their parents aren’t very strong.

Me? I’ve actually gotten closer to my parents as I’ve gotten older. The biggest thing I did as I (finally) matured as an adult was to silently forgive my parents. They never, ever did anything intentionally to antagonize me or bully me or make me feel worthless. They never, ever did anything to intentionally hurt me. But they did. Often. Instead of confronting them and/or resenting them, though, I’ve learned to accept and forgive them. I’ve come to accept that my dad “is who he is” and that he never got mad at me because I was a bad kid…it was simply his way of trying to make me a better person. I’ve come to forgive my dad for never taking me fishing or teaching me about cars or helping me learn to use tools growing up…he knew how to do all of those things and was a work-a-holic in an effort to better provide for his family and just never felt he had the time to do those things.

I never want to be “that dad” when it comes to my kids. I feel like I might when it comes to Rugrat, but I’m hoping I can remain in a positive light when it comes to Ankle Biter. I don’t want my son to grow up resenting me or thinking I’m ignorant of his thoughts and his feelings. I want to be open and I want to encourage and I want to support…I want my children to love and respect the man I’ve turned into over the years.

Spending so much time with my kids over the holidays has really spoken to me, much like that quote. It tells me that it’s never too late to be a good parent. I feel as though I’m a good dad now, but I should always strive to be better. I should always do my best to be the absolute best father I can possibly be and I should never just take my children (and their love and respect) for granted.

When my kids each turn 14, my goal is to make sure they still want me around. And not because they have to, but because they want to.

3 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in parenting, parents, relationships, The Ankle Biter, The Rugrat

January 8, 2010

CBG’s Biggest Loser

By Canadian Bald Guy

Well, I said that one of my New Year’s resolutions was to lose weight and I meant it.  I’ve organized a “Biggest Loser” contest at work and whaddya know…I ended up with 31 people signed-up and registered and willing to pay $20 each for this 8-week contest.

Crazy, eh?  Two years ago, I would have never thought I’d be this proactive with my health…but I’m just at a point in my life where I think the talking needs to be over and it’s time for action.  And as I mentioned in my resolution post, I need to be held accountable for this so I don’t go mucking it up.

So my tentative plan is as follows:

  1. Set up a long-term goal. My ultimate goal is to lose upwards of 50 lbs, which seems awful lofty but it’s what would make me 100% satisfied.  Of course, this contest is only 8-weeks long so I don’t think this is a realistic goal for the contest.
  2. Set up a short-term goal. I really want to lose 20 lbs in the next two months, and I think that’s realistic.  I mean, 2 ½ lbs each week (on average) is a healthy amount to lose, isn’t it?
  3. Follow an eating plan.  I’m not going to just turn vegetarian overnight or anything…that’s simply not going to happen.  But I’ve decided to use the Weight Watcher’s point system and have generated a spreadsheet where I can count every thing I eat as points.  With my age, weight, and height…I’m allowed 34 points per day.  My plan is simply to count EVERYTHING and then maintain good eating habits from that.  This way, I can still sneak in an occasional Dr. Pepper and not feel totally guilty about it.
  4. Follow an exercise routine.  Because I’m really serious about this, I’ve decided to bring back my 30/30/30 plan and actually start to do it.  That’s 30 minutes on the treadmill, 30 sit-ups, and 30 push-ups every day.  I’ve even got a spreadsheet set-up to track everything I do…again, just to make sure it actually gets done.
  5. Make the results public on a weekly basis.  The initial weigh-in was yesterday, but it will be every Wednesday after that going forward…so expect a weekly post updating my progress.  I need to really hold myself accountable so I don’t slip-up or slack off…and posting everything on my blog will really force me to do that.

For now, this is my plan.  My initial weigh-in yesterday resulted in this:

My Biggest Loser starting point: 01-07-10

Yeesh.

So needless to say, I think this contest couldn’t have come at a better time.  And my sincere hope is that once finished, I’ll have inspired myself enough to want to continue going down the same path and really push myself to get to my ultimate goal in a slow, steady, healthy way.

Wish me luck, kids.

10 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in health

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