I went through a very interesting experience yesterday…one that I didn’t think would ever happen to me. Let me back track just a bit first, though…
Oh yeah...I was a ladies man
Throughout the 90′s (while I was in my 20′s), I was kind of a ladies man. I say that not to brag, though…I need to be clear on that. My craving of a woman’s affection was a sad attempt to boost my own low self-esteem. My confidence on the outside was masking the self-hatred that I was feeling on the inside. But I worked in a bar as a DJ for a number of years and learned a lot of things about how women attract and flirt…both by how they interacted with me and how they interacted with guys on the dance floor.
So having said that, I’ve always been a huge flirt (at least until my marriage) and knew when a woman was politely humoring me and when a woman was actually flirting back.
Okay, let’s fast-forward to yesterday. I’m MC’ing a work-related recognition event on the 26th with a woman from another department. To fit with the theme (kind of an Academy Awards black-tie thing), my co-host (let’s call her Crazy C…because she’s hilarious but certifiably insane) is wearing a gown and I’m wearing a tuxedo. Yesterday I went to go rent the tuxedo. I had three ladies with me because one of them (let’s call her Frizz) had the corporate credit card and was actually paying for the rental, one of them was Crazy C because she knew the color of vest/tie to get that matched her dress, and the third one (I’ll call her Wolfie) was from the “recognition committee” and was going to help buy door prizes after the tux rental process was done.
When we all walked into the clothing store, Crazy C couldn’t stop herself from telling the store clerk that I was walking in with my ho’s…which I found hilarious but the clerk was taken aback. Ahh well.
Funny enough, this WASN'T one of my options...
We went to the tuxedo rental area and a very cute, young blonde came over and started the rental process. I basically told her I was an automatic sale and I just needed to get the details/fittings done and then pay for it.
We went over different styles and prices and colors. I ended up getting a 5-button black tux with a deep purple paisley vest and matching striped tie. I was told it was very fashionable…who am I to argue? She then began to go over the measurement process…the part I was dreading.
“Height?”
(Sigh) “…five seven…”
“Approximate weight?”
(Bigger sigh) “…two twenty…”
I was embarrassed that I even knew that last one, but I had weighed myself only a few days earlier. Needless to say, this “non-diet” that I’m on is definitely required because she then measured me (yikes) and got some items for me to try on. I’ve remained the same pant size (thank goodness) but I’ve gone up one jacket size since I last was MC of a work event two years ago.
BAH~!!
We went through the rest of the process, paid for everything, and then we were all off to the nearest Costco to pick up some door prizes for the event. That’s when this happened…
Crazy C: “Jeez…like white on rice!”
Me: “What?”
Crazy C: “She was all over you like stink.”
Me: (startled) “What? No…she was just being friendly. She’s a salesperson on commission.”
Crazy C: “You were a guaranteed sale from the second you sat down and she knew it. She was totally flirting with you. HARD.”
Me: “Noooo……..ummm…….really?”
Frizz: “I didn’t know if she wanted me to pay for the tuxedo rental or rent a room.”
Me: “WHAT??”
Wolfie: “You didn’t notice her doing it?”
That’s when it all hit me….no, I didn’t notice her doing it.
This is where the title of the post comes into play. For those who don’t watch Wheel of Fortune (and really…who hasn’t seen it at least once??), they have a category called Before & After where there are two statements in the same phrase. So in this case:
I’ve still got it. Even at a heavier-than-I’d-like weight and with me turning 37 on Monday, I’m still attractive enough to be flirted with by an attractive 20-something woman. That’s a great feeling and totally made my day yesterday.
I’ve got it bad. How in the world did I not notice an attractive 20-something woman flirting with me? It’s because I’m so blissfully happy and so completely in love with Sunshine that it completely went over my head and unnoticed. I totally noticed that she was attractive…I mean, I’m not dead or anything. But the whole “flirting” thing just passed me right by.
So yeah…I’ve still got it bad. What a great feeling.
