I don’t get it. The kid turns 3 in a couple of weeks and he’s still not talking. Oh don’t get me wrong, the boy mumbles and babbles and says the occasional word very clearly when he wants to, but his communication skills are clearly not where they should be at this point.
But the kid ain’t stupid…not by a long shot. I mean, we’ve already tested his hearing and communication skills and he’s come back 100% every time. He shows signs of keen intelligence and does so quite frequently.
He understands almost everything that I tell him without fail. If I tell him to go pick something up or get a blanket out of his room, he does it…quickly. He says ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ and ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and ‘up’ and a bunch of ramblings that I have learned to understand their meanings.
At first, doctors and friends and family told The Ex and I not to worry. But as time has passed and months have turned into a year, we’re going to have him tested again soon. For what, exactly? I don’t know…that’s all on The Ex right now. I’m just going along for the ride.
For me, I’m in no rush to really force him to talk. In fact, I was joking with him the other night that I thought he was faking it. Is he? Who knows? Probably not…but here’s kind of how the conversation went after I picked him up from the babysitter:
“How was your day, buddy? Was it good?”
…babbling…
“Oh really? (laugh) Y’know, I think you could tell me if you wanted to.”
…babbling in response with his shoulders shrugged a bit…
“That’s right, buddy. I think you can talk to me just fine.”
…babbling in response…
(more laughter) “I’m just saying, buddy…I think you can speak to me.”
…babbling and a shake of his head ‘no’…
It was that last shake of the head that pretty much confirmed (in my head, anyway) that he’s ready to talk at any time. I mean, he understands so much…I just don’t see how he couldn’t talk when he’s extremely audible at times with certain words.
My dad had recently ripped out a story from a copy of a Reader’s Digest from 1998 that had some advice on this very subject:
“Don’t try to teach him to talk – not right now. You just give him lot sof love and attention. When he feels confident and secure, he’ll talk.”
In that particular story, the child ended up talking around the time he turned four years old. I honestly don’t know if I can go another entire year without him talking to me (and I suspect both him and his mom will also be frustrated), but I really don’t want to push it right now.
I just want him to be happy.
No one knows exactly why some children take so long to talk while others don’t. What I know, though, is that there is a large group of kids out there in the world that share the exact same pattern of development and learning that my son does. I know he’s intelligent and I know he’ll be talking my ear off soon enough. I have confidence that he’ll talk when he’s ready and not a day before.
And y’know what? That’s good enough for me.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
My daughter is the exact same way. I can understand a couple words of her babbling, but for the most part she is way behind on the vocal scale. But she too understands everything and seems so damn smart with the stuff she does. They say that they learn in waves. If they are good at walking and figuring things out they may lack in talking and vice versa.
They are probably going to be some sort of Einstien grown ups.
August 27th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Have you seen this book?
I have heard that Einstein didn’t start speaking til he was older… like 4 or 5? My nephew is the exact same way. He is freakin’ brilliant but only really started speaking well the past 6 months. He’s turning 5 in March.
I like your attitude. I think it will help him go far.
August 27th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
My boyfriend’s son is this way and he’s 4. When he does speak, it’s so quietly that you can’t hear him. I think once he gets in kindergarten he’s going to go to speech classes.
August 27th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Yeah, good attitude dad!
I think you’re right not to worry. Kids that age tend to do things in their own time. It’s kinda like potty-training; you can encourage that all you want but you can never FORCE it or it will backfire. Yet, all kids get there when they need to.
August 27th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Yeah I’ve heard some kids just take a little longer than others. My oldest is only 2 so I have no useful advice. But it sounds as though you have a great attitude towards the situation. I’m sure with your love and encouragement he’ll be absolutely fine.
August 27th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Look at it from AB’s perspective, you and mom understand him perfectly fine so why does he have to talk? You likely ask him questions to which a nod or shake of the head is sufficient. He has you trained quite well, congratulate him.
You have to trick a smart kid like that into talking, train yourself to not ask questions and wait for the explanation, you cannot back down, wait for him to ask in his own words (not by pointing, not by walking in front of the tv or cookie jar, *only* spoken words). He will learn that the old way is no longer working and that he has to up his game to get what he wants, the turnaround will be quick once he realizes his silence gig is up. At this stage, you will be learning his speech patterns (which won’t be perfect initially) and then exposure to grandparents and other adults will force him to improve his diction.
August 27th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I have a 2 year old (He will be 3 in December) who basically hummed when he talked. Everything was “mmmhmmm”… the child could sing in a hum if that makes any sense. Gunnar has been in speech therapy for 8 months and the child has made leaps and bounds. He is now able to speak 3 to 4 word phrases. Some of his words are still jumbled but he is doing over all great. I have read all your posts and have thought of commenting before on this but didn’t only because I know it can be a touchy/frustrating subject.
August 27th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Danielle — I have no doubt my son will be Einstein. Well…he’ll be smart in whatever he wants to be smart in.
T — No, I hadn’t seen that book before but I was told (by Sunshine, I think) that Einstein didn’t talk until he was at least 4…so I’m going to assume that it bodes well for Ankle Biter.
mixologist — Well, I think once AB is around more kids his age he might come out of his mumbling shell. By the way things are going, I don’t think we’ll have to wait that long. At least I hope we won’t.
Mindy — Y’know, I’d much rather deal with his speaking than have to worry about potty training. Wow…that’s just around the corner, too. NOT looking forward to that at all!
Lady Mama — Awww thanks. You’re very sweet.
cbg2 — Interesting perspective on things. I don’t know if I want to trick him or force him to say something by not pointing…he might shut down as opposed to start talking. I think I’ll just let things progress the way they are.
Norma — Thank you very much for commenting, Norma. I wouldn’t worry about commenting on too many touchy subjects around me…I’ve got a thick skin. I appreciate your thoughts!
August 28th, 2009 at 12:11 am
You’ve got a great outlook, CBG. I think it’s good to get the doctor involved just to make sure, but in the end, different kids develop differently and I think he’ll talk when he’s ready.
Is he getting frustrated about not being able to communicate what he wants? I’ve started making my son TELL me what he wants instead of just pointing, whining, etc…and I’ve definitely seen it help. Good luck!!
August 28th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Boys generally start talking later than girls, at least this is what I’ve always been told. I think you have less than nothing to worry about CBG. And, I think you are doing all the right things.
You’re a good daddy.
August 28th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
“Trick” was a poor choice of words on my part, “parentally guide him” would be better
A high jumper never improves unless the bar goes up a little higher and a coach fine tunes technique when progress stalls, this is the analogy to use, you are upping the bar to teach and improve a skill.
August 28th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I wanted to tell you not to worry, my best friend Laura didn’t tlak until she was 5. Now you can’t get her to shut up. Her parents say that the speech therapist would tell them that she just wasn’t ready.
August 28th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Having heard your audios, he clearly gets the “unable to talk” thing from his daddy… LOL
I jest.
But really, I like them when they’re that way, and if all the cognitive testing is coming back fine (not that it would particularly matter either way) then it’ll come in time.
August 29th, 2009 at 1:47 am
I have friends that went through the same situation with their son. They had him tested for several different things and all the testing came back normal. They stopped ‘pushing’ him to talk and all of a sudden one day he stopped all the mumbles and started talking. Now he talks nonstop! As long as all of AB’s test have came back fine I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
August 30th, 2009 at 12:21 am
My son who is now 9 didnt start “talking” til he was 4.I freaked out too!
Just relax,it will come and when he does start talking you wont be able to shut him up!
August 30th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Janet — Ankle Biter does get a bit frustrated at times, but whenever I try to make him say what he wants it still always comes out as babbling…so we both end up a bit frustrated.
QT Mama — Awww…you’re a sweetie. Thanks!
cbg2 — That’s a good analogy. I appreciate the feedback.
Bobbi — I’m totally waiting for AB to talk my ear off once it finally starts…but at this point, nothing would make me happier.
Aaron — LOL…yeah, there’s definitely something to be said for “enjoying the silence” while I still can.
Tishia — So far, so good. He’s got one more test in a couple of weeks that The Ex booked, but thus far everything is showing perfectly normal.
Lucy — Thanks!
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Interesting post, and quite conforting for me. I am a father of 3. The first two (a boy and a girl) started talking just about when they turned 1. The youngest, a boy, i about to turn two and still doesn’t talk, though he does understand.
I may add, to all the comments about einstein and such, that I am midway through a book about Richard Feynman (another brillian physicist, nobel prize winner). The book’s name is “The Pleasure of Finding things out”. Well, in there he tells about how he discovered that different people use their brains differently: very differently: he counted numbers talking to himself. A colleague counted visually.
I found that so interesting because I figure my son just started using his brain in a slightly different way than his two siblings do. Perhaps he is more visual. Perhaps he processes thing from a different angle. And it may be very helpful for him in the future, when looking at problems other people can’t wrap their brains around. Who knows.
Anyway, thanks for your post.