Yeah…this is a legit question for everybody.
Here was the scenario: Sunshine and I met up with my parents a few weeks back. It was their initial meeting and after dinner they had invited us back both to their house for some casual conversation. Once we entered the living room and sat down, I glanced over at the television and nearly recoiled in horror.
On the shelf directly next to the television was a picture of me and The Ex on our wedding day.
I was absolutely mortified. Thankfully, Sunshine held in any horror or uncomfort until later…and even then brushed it off a bit and my parents just being forgetful.
Then a couple of weeks later my dad wanted to show off his new trailer for camping. They had a beautiful trailer that they sold because it was getting too difficult for mom to go camping and climb in and out (the stairs were too difficult to climb). So they basically just moved everything from one trailer to the next.
As soon as we walked up the stairs and stood in the FIRST ROOM, my jaw hit the floor again as there was now ANOTHER COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PHOTO of The Ex and me from our wedding day.
So after Sunshine was long back at home, I discussed this with both of my parents on separate occasions…just trying to feel out where they were at.
My mom said that she just didn’t even think about it and completely hadn’t thought about removing them in case I had moved on with my life…even though it was over two years after the initial split.
My dad told me that he’d always consider The Ex to be part of the family. I immediately told him that of course she would be…she’s a great person, just not a good fit for me. But he said that he’d move the photo.
Cut to this past Saturday. I took the Ankle Biter with me to visit the folks. He was playing in another room when, after about an hour or so, I heard him say, “Mom!”. I wasn’t sure what was going on. He then proceeded to come get me and take me by the hand and lead me out.
He took me to my parents’ bedroom. He got up on the bed and began to jump up and down (they’ve got a big king-sized bed so it’s fun for him). He then pointed at the wall and said, “Mom!”
Sure enough…they had moved the wedding photo from the living room to their bedroom.
Sigh.
So that brings me to the question: What if you’re separated and/or divorced and have moved on with your life, but your parents HAVEN’T moved on yet?
August 24th, 2009 at 9:12 am
Take some new pics. Head on down to the Sears Portrait studio, maybe with Ankle Biter, and have some new pics taken. If the only time you get dressed up and have photos taken is at a wedding…well…that’s the one they are going to display.
August 24th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I definitely don’t have this problem (my family loathes my ex) but I agree with Bad Mummy. As a single parent I have about 50 pics of just Boy or Boy and someone else for every pic of him and I. And most of those are one-handed facing the camera self-portraits. If you have the money to spare, it’s really worth it. And be sure to get some casual shots of you two playing- they really will show off your bond.
August 24th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I get that they have happy memories of you and the Ex…but it is a little weird to keep the wedding pix up. Maybe they have a pic of themselves with your ex that they could put up? I can see wanting to keep pictures of a (former) daughter-in-law around. Also it’s probably good for AB to see that his mom’s pic is still up (since he probably has memories of everyone together).
Gosh, even if they just had a solo pic of the Ex up…anything but the wedding pic.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
You know CBG, once Miss Emilee was born it’s like any pictures of me simply ceased to exist. At all.
So I haven’t BTDT with my parents. But, I can certainly see your POV on this one. And I really do think it’s sort of hilarious they moved the picture … to a different room. *giggle*
August 24th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Hmmm…. I dunno. With my grandma, her last dying wish on earth is to see her youngest son married off (he’s 44 and not likely to get married anytime soon). Some parents are just old school and want to be reminded that their “babies” are happily married off – even if that marriage is no more. So, I can *kinda sorta* see why they’d want that wedding pic hanging around the house. But in their bedroom??? That’s weird…
But, it is kinda rude to MommaSunshine, I have to admit.
Then again, I’m guilty of this in reverse myself.
My dad and STEP-mom have now been married almost 20 years, but I still display my dad and REAL mom’s wedding portrait – because i love it and, hell – they created me on their ensuing honeymoon! I know its kinda rude to my stepmom, but fuck it. That’s how I roll…
August 24th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
My ex has a framed photo of me and him *and* my former friend/his current GF… he has it on my daughtr’s dresser at his house. Which gives me the creeps. LIke we’re one big happy family… right?
August 24th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I was with my ex husband for ten years. We have been divorced for five. We have two children. His family and I were very close. I love the fact that they still have a family photo of us up. I know it comforts the kids to know that it’s just life. If anyone reacts to it then it becomes uncomfortable. No biggie. It’s just a picture of a very important part of your life and most importantly your sons life. My x husbands new girlfriend just has to be ok with the fact that this family once existed. I also have pictures in my home of the x and my new boyfriend knows that is what is best for the kids. He doesn’t have any reason to feel uncomfortable or threatened. It’s just a pic. That’s just my opinion.
August 24th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
I hope that didn’t sound judgy.
August 24th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Hide them
My mom kept saying (in front of my then boyfriend) that she knew me and Ex would get back together someday, no matter how I tried to dissuade her. I couldn’t get her to take down our family pic of when 8yr old was 1 month old (it has since burned in a house fire)because she didn’t have any other of 8yr old at that age. (forgetting about the 5 million she took at her birth and the 2 weeks after.
But atleast the pics are not in view anymore.
My daughter has our wedding album now but it stays in her room. The pics of her with her dad are on her wall also.
August 25th, 2009 at 2:40 am
Hmmm. You know, this is one scenario I haven’t had to deal with. I think getting some new professional pics done–maybe just of you and AnkleBiter and you and Rugrat–and asking your parents to put those up instead would be a polite, respectful way to make a point. Parents seem to remain stuck in time a lot when it comes to photos–unless they outright hate a person. And that is obviously not going on here.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
I don’t know what to say but one of my aunts was in sunshine position with my uncles mom for along long time.
August 27th, 2009 at 2:51 am
My situation is reversed. It wasn’t my parents or my family that didn’t move on, it was his family. There are still pictures around. But we have a weird situation anyways. I still get along great with his family (and visit some of them once in awhile) and he still gets along with my family (he works with my step dad & my brother).
It’s good that your parents moved the pictures from the ‘public’ eye (so to speak) but how frustrating they put it up in their room.
September 23rd, 2010 at 11:37 pm
wow i dont begin to understand some people! i am currently with a guy we have a child together and we have known eachother for 9 years i’m only 21 during these 9 years this man and i have dated for 4 and bit of them however before we dated he was seing a girl not even officially just casually however she did meet that family and they loved her but he wasnt sure she was the one well its been 4 years scince they dated we have had a baby together scince then bought a house a new car togther i mean its the real deal and just 2 weeks ago and through our relationship they still talk about her to my face and behind my back!
September 24th, 2010 at 3:10 am
woah, yeah my then bf were supposed to get married my parents moved on but his didn’t of course his parents still think i’m the only one for him…
September 24th, 2010 at 8:52 am
Sounds a bit like you’re waiting for your parents approval (which you absolutely do not need). How about you stay out of their bedroom and enjoy the sunshine!