Later on today, Sunshine is jumping on a bus and coming to visit me for five days and nights. That in and of itself isn’t really that big of a deal, is it?
Well…it is this time.
Here’s the deal: the last time we spent more than a weekend together, I broke up with her.
Ouch.
So what has changed this time around? Why should I (or her, for that matter) expect a different outcome than what happened last time?
- What’s different? For one thing, I’m feeling a LOT more secure in myself and my ability to handle a relationship. Y’see, our first time around was my first time in a relationship after the ending of my marriage two years prior. So basically I was almost ready but not quite. I was totally afraid of working hard at a relationship only to see it fail in the end…again.
- What’s different? So then, in our two months apart, I realized that I’d rather experience love and fail trying than to have never tried at all and never find a connection again like the one I’ve found in Sunshine. I needed to get over my fear of failing at a relationship.
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What’s different? I could tell that she still had a few things to work out on her own back in February. She needed some self-realization of what she wanted and what direction she wanted her life to go. She did that. She’s the person now that she told me she always wanted to be. And not only do I believe her when she says that, but I believe in her and what she can do with her life.
Sunshine and I....
- What’s different? I believe in us. I have no doubts this time around. None. I don’t even fear the distance anymore. Why? The time we share together is just so magical…so amazingly fun…so unbelievably special…that a simple three hour drive will not put a wrench in the machine. I feel at ease when we’re together…there isn’t any uncomfortable moments right now, and that’s awesome.
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What’s different? I’m doing whatever I can to conquer my fears. And yes, walking across a bridge while shaking in my shoes is certainly a nice symbolic gesture…but I think we both realize that it’s going to take more than that to prove that I’m more afraid of losing her than I am of failing. But it’s not like a test or anything. Only time will be my judge, because Sunshine also believes in me.
"The Bridge Walk" - Sunshine approved
- What’s different? There isn’t any pressure this time. Back in February, we were both steadfast in the thought that our week-long love-fest would be the “real test” to see if we were more than just an online couple. On top of that were some unrealistic expectations that we BOTH were placing on my interaction with her two amazing daughters. Well, that was added pressure that we really didn’t need. The fact of the matter is that we’re just two people in love who will be spending a few days together. It doesn’t really need to be any more than that. That’s the great thing about us right now…we’re just letting things progress naturally and it’s better than we could have imagined it.
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C'mon...look at us. How can this NOT be real???
What’s different? THIS IS REAL. She means the world to me…and I know that she feels the same about me. What we’ve been experiencing as of late is what happy couples in love experience: just the joy of being together. I just don’t see what can ruin that in a five-day span.
Obviously, the fact that I ended things after we last spent a good chunk of time together is also weighing on her mind a bit. I’ve been trying to not think about it because, quite frankly, it’s not something I’m proud of. I think we both realize that everything’s different this time around.
So instead of taking a deep breath, I’m going to breathe normally. I’m not nervous anymore. I’m not afraid. I’m just a simple man in love with somebody who, at this point, appears to be the soulmate I’ve been dreaming about.
How can that ever be wrong?
Giddy up!! BRING IT ON!!
June 30th, 2009 at 7:49 am
I think this is the part where I tell you how much I love you.
You.are.awesome.
xo
June 30th, 2009 at 9:01 am
I think you got it right! Just let the relationship take it’s natural course. Enjoy the time together, both of you are beautiful!
June 30th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I think this is the part where I tell you both how awesome you are together!!!!
Have a great week together.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I’m currently going through a similar thing.
Similar but not the same.
I’ve just recently started seeing/talking to a guy who has been smitten with me on and off since he first met me seven years ago. He’s asked me out twice….no, now three times in that time period and has let it be known to my family (not in a freaky way, though) that he would love to get to know me and take me out.
Yet in the seven years I’ve known him I’ve never had one ounce of desire to date him. I’ve never felt the slightest bit attracted to him.
Until I saw him in a store on Father’s Day and went “What have you been thinking, girl?!”
So now, instead of seeing the person I thought he was all this time, I’m seeing him for the person my family has seen him for.
I don’t know what changed inside of me, but something changed.
Maybe for the past seven years it was the right thing at the wrong time.
Time, itself, can make all the difference in the world.
Good luck to you both, and enjoy your time together!! Can’t wait to read more about it!
June 30th, 2009 at 10:54 am
You know, I am a strong believer in sometimes it’s just not the right time…I often think about how if we’d met 10 years ago, we NEVER would have gotten together…we were just too different
Now I’m looking forward to hearing more of YOUR story!! lol
June 30th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I’ve been thinking about this too, CBG. I do remember the last time you guys got together and I was wondering if you’d been thinking about it too.
I’m happy to read this and see some healthy processing. I think when you both get together, you will realize that all of that stuff is WAY in the past. You were two different people back then. This is now. And now always erases the past if you let it.
I had this same fear when Rascal first came to see me. I was so excited and I kept comparing it to when Soldier came to see me. Ugh. I was a wreck and that fear drove me crazy.
Right now, I’m not scared anymore. It feels pretty damn good, doesn’t it?
July 1st, 2009 at 8:24 am
I love this line: “Now always erases the past if you let it.”
Thanks for that.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
P.S. Grover rocks my world. He’s always been my favorite…
June 30th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Congrats guys! Have a fun long weekend! Don’t think too much, just spend a lot of quality time together! And have lots of sex! Tee hee
June 30th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Best of luck to both of you… your sappy and mushy and parading it around all over twitter and I LOVE it! You both definitely have something special!
June 30th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
That gif scares me. I should not be thinking Muppets are banging anyone from behind… I grew up with these things…
June 30th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
You guys are going to have a fantastic time.
You’re such an adorable couple, both with a good head on your shoulders. You’re going to do just fine. Breathe normally and enjoy a fabulous five days
June 30th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I hope you two have a great week! No pressure but you DO know the whole blogosphere is rooting for you two, right?
July 1st, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Cool CBG. Never easy to relax and take off pressure. Sounds like you are going with the flow instead of analyzing. Have a blast and have a drink on me! Aren’t I big with your money…..
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:36 am
OMG that post made me teary!
July 2nd, 2009 at 10:08 am
Mindy is right! We are all rooting for you two, and always looking forward to details. And I hope those 5 days are slowest longest days of your lives.
Have FUN!
July 4th, 2009 at 2:44 am
Wow. Is it just me or is, like, the whole blogosphere (esp. now teary-eyed single mom’s) giving you, CBG, a standing ovation for that post?!
Holy crap. Where have all the *real men* gone (“and where are all the guns”–sorry, I digress)?
Well, CBG is still standing. And Sunshine snagged him. Nice work, Sunshine.
July 4th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
What a great post!
Don’t feel bad about having broken up with her in Feb…it’s made you appreciate each other so much more.
CBG, your story is so inspiring, especially in light of what’s happening with me and MichiganBoy… maybe I’ll tell him to read your blog…