I was really hurt after my marriage ended because it really felt like the majority of the friends that we shared had decided to “go with her”. Don’t get me wrong…they didn’t abandon me or tell me to f*ck off or anything…they just kinda drifted away; around to occassionally say “hello” if I bumped into them.
After the separation I really drifted off into a funk. It was weird because a week after we separated I had to go to Houston for four weeks to train for the new job that I had. So after trying to find myself…”the real me”…down in Texas (no, it didn’t work), I came back wanting to distance myself from the world. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I didn’t want to socialize with anybody. I didn’t want to be with anybody. I just wanted to find comfort somehow…but the friends that I thought were really close to me weren’t around for support.
Guys who were on my bachelor party…the two guys who were “co-MC’s” at the wedding…the couple who used to live with the ex-wife and I at one point as roommates…all of them were nowhere to be found. I’d get the “we should hang around sometime” comment every once in awhile, but that was it. It was a painful experience.
So I tried turning to my friends back home…the place where I grew up and the friends I’ve had since elementary school. I went back there for support…for comfort…for empathy…for friendship.
I didn’t get it.
My best friend…the guy who had been by my side since the sixth grade…berated me. He chastized me for “letting things fail”. He was borderline pissed off at me, to be honest. And my ‘other’ best friend…also a friend since the sixth grade…even went so far as to question whether or not I was ever in love with her.
As you can imagine, this threw me into a bigger funk. A BIG-TIME funk. I was devestated by this reaction and it has absolutely affected my friendship with them in the two years since.
I bring this all up again because I broke up with K last week. People seemed really happy for us during the relationship and we were really happy and things just didn’t work out for a myriad of reasons. Because we were very public with our affection, we had basically proclaimed to the world that we loved each other on Facebook. Lame to some, fun to others…we decided we were “unapologetic attention whores” very early on and just wanted to tell the world how happy we were.
Once we split up on Friday, one of the first things that we did was update our “status” to show that we were both single and no longer in a relationship. Again…it sounds lame when I write it, but it’s just something that is out there and it’s what we did.
Little did I anticipate the reaction I would receive.
People commented on the update, telling me how sorry they were to hear about it. “Hang in there.” “Sorry to hear that.” “Sorry about that.” “The right one is out there.” Then the emails came in: “I feel so bad.” “I know how life can be so crazy.” “I hope you’re okay.”
The friends in my life…the REAL friends…were beginning to show their true colors. Then I got to work today: “I saw on Facebook…you okay?” “How are you?” “How you doin’?” “I’m here for you.”
It’s really been a night and day scenario. And with all due respect, this 3-month relationship wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as my marriage was…so this has all been a learning experience for myself. I know who my friends are…and I was actually a little surprised by the whole experience.
Hell…I even had somebody flirt with me via email. I hadn’t been in a relationship in almost two years before this, and now…two days after breaking up with somebody I openly claimed that I loved…I’m actually getting hit on.
When it rains, it pours.